b2b

Let's just say I've pretty much been an alcoholic since I was the age of 16, I am 28 now. I have ruined many relationships, jobs, and have had run ins with the law due to my alcohol problem. I have gotten sober on a few occasions but always started back up again due to me thinking I could now handle my alcohol and be a social drinker like everybody else, of course this is never the end result I always end up the full blown drunk I was and usually worse than before. I loathe the person i become when I drink, I'm inconsiderate, rude, obnoxious, sloppy, depressed, anxious, hungover, mean, I think you get the picture. Anyways my most recent bout with my drunkenness involves me almost losing my job. I work for a commercial airline so I am always on the road with people I work with staying in hotels, traveling, partying, you know "Living The Good Life". This is the job of my dreams and I finally had the willpower and drive to obtain this position the last time I got completley sober, which was 3 years ago.
Anyways to make a long story short I got black out drunk and said ridiculousy rude things in front of my boss on a trip a few months ago. After this incident I called off work for the next few weeks due to "ilness" I was actually on a month long crown royal bender! I then sobered up after my boss finally called me and said he was willing to work things out with me. I agreed to come in and take my punishment. The punishment was not too bad considering what I've done, but now I have to deal with the worst punishment of all and that is facing everyone at work I have either pissed off or made an *** out of myself in front of in the past few years and do this with a sober mind. I am ridiculed daily and now feel I am being sabotaged by a few co-workers. I'm under a microscope and even the slightest infraction I make now people want to go run and tell the boss on me. I feel as if there is no hope left I've been sober for 2 months now and trying to make ammends to everyone but I just can't shed my past. I don't want to drink again and I feel I will never be respected at work by my coworkers again . Should I just resign now and save myself the embarresment and ridicule? I don't know how much longer I can take or from past experience if I can even stay sober although I want to more than anything! Please Help!

InsertNameHere

Two months you are doing good by my estimation, I am only going on two weeks. Someone here will be able to offer you the advice you need its just kinda a bad time now, not a lot of people on. I wouldn't recomend quiting your job though, I had the same thought process (kinda) a while ago and am now facing the repercussions from the last 4 months of every night drinking. It won't be easy but sober I can do it, no matter what. I don't know if you are on a program or have a plan but from the sounds of it I doubt it. My method to stop drinking is RR/AVRT it is working pretty good for me as I haven't had this much sober time in a LONG time without it and really am done drinking, it took me a good month of learning to get here but it is working. I hope you figure something out man.

Lenina

Does your employer have an EAP? That's an Employee Assistance Program. most larger companies do. You can give the EAP a call and see about getting some help in confidence. They should know what your insurance/health plan covers in the way of treatment. Please take this step before you end up losing your dream job!

If EAP isn't a way for you to go, you might check out AA or AVRT. Rational Recovery really helped me. SR is a great support!

Love from Lenina

johnny2times

i hear ya, i was exactly the same if not worse in my drinking, its awful isnt it, i used to torture myself with constantly with remembering all the stupid stuff ive done and said, then someone once said to me...johnny, the drunk you is not the real you, and that made so much sense and helped alot, forgive yourself b2b and let that stuff go, its not the real you, your a better person than that i can see it in the way you sound here, dont quit your job, be proud of yourself now your sober and show people the real you, swallow your pride and make those amends asap, then i think you'll find the shameful memories of your drinking behaviour will leave you, and its liberating! get it done b2b ...i'll be thnking of ya, you can do this

b2b

Thanks for all the input, I don't think AA is for me though.....And do you think you ever live down some of the things you've done?

Lenina

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iscussion.html

Here's a thread you might find helpful. You might give it a read and see if it makes sense to you.

love from Lenina

johnny2times

yes, by making amends with whoever concerned , i'm living proof of that right now

Dee74

Hi and welcome b2b

Well I went from a respected person in my community to 'that guy' who used to stumble around the neighbourhood having conversations with himself and drinking openly...you know, the guy who noone would willingly sit next to on the bus..

I then got sober...and I rescued my reputation again

It didn't happen overnight...I let a lot of people down big time more than once - the kicker is we don't get to set the timetable for when other people forgive or trust us again.

What we can do tho is be the person we know we can be - and most people will respond favourably to that - given time.

If they don'tm there's little you can do about that, but I figure you probably don't want them playing a major role in your life anyway

congratulations on your sober time - and welcome to SR

D

thelastdrop

I'm your age and just quit myself. I went to a couple AA meetings over the last week and they helped and this board is a fantastic resource we you get idle in the evenings. It's a tough road... just gotta keep on keeping on.

What I can say is don't quit your job. It will be tough as well facing those mistakes but it's about integrity and people will respect that. If you quit it will only make things worse.

Best.

Sapling

I hate to say it....But it sounds to me like you want to quit your job and get back to drinking....You have two months sober and you feel there is no hope? You don't need to make amends to everybody at work...If you screwed people over with what you said drinking...Take care of it....Best amends you can make is showing up everyday sober...To a job...Which to me...Sounds like you are pretty damn lucky to have to begin with...Boss must see something in you....We have a way of dealing with our past in AA....But that's not for you...I'd recommend you find something that is for you...Check out that AVRT that was mentioned above...Do what you have to do....If you want to be sober more than anything else...Like you said...Don't worry about what everybody else thinks about you...Stay sober and show up on time....If you want to resign and drink...Resign and drink....

MentalLoop

Hey B2B...you aren't the JetBlue guy that went cookoo and opened the door and slid down the raft are you? I bet announcements on the loud speaker got awkward with slurred speech!!

I am being sarcastic for a reason....sobriety is tough, disrespecting your coworkers is tougher and recovering is even tougher. But for your own sanity, you have to press forward sober. My suggestion? Make light of the situation. Laughter cures many hearts.

The truth is you f'ed up. Own it and let people know you own it. In the process of making amends, maybe go to people and tell them you are thanking god that at least you didn't go down the emergency exit the other day, and that you are really sorry for trying to recite the safety announcement in Mandarin. Levity has gone a really long way for me, and it let's other know you get it, you are sorry, and you are trying to make it right. I spent five years, being angry, sad and scared. I have spent the last 100 something with "sunshine on a cloudy day". I have found a reason to laugh for every one of those days.