It's that time
 

Hi Everyone, I've posted on here a few times, I guess I was "preparing" in a way. I realized a while ago that my life with alcohol isn't going to go well, it's just taken me some time to gear up an quit. I'm on day 3 right now. I have quit before for up to a month. I never have any detox systoms really. I've been sleeping like 10 hours a day though :-/ Otherwise I feel fine, except that my attention span isn't that great...I am having a hard time focusing at work and I'm constantly consumed with my "list of things to do." Maybe feeling a little overwhelmed.

One thing that worries me is that I have massive cravings for alcohol. I don't want to drink. I don't want to wake up in a daze, not remember what I watched on TV last night and I don't want to be consumed with when I will get that next drink. Every weekend, my mind is consumed with when it will be time to start drinking and how to cover it up. Covering it up from my partner has become like a game, a game I don't want to play anymore.

How long does it take for these cravings to go away? I'm trying to alter my daily routines so that I'm not tempted, but it's hard. I started taking a walk after work and make sure I come back around 7pm. I would normally leave work 5-5:30 and then go to the liqour store...by 7:30pm I'd be feeling "good." I feel like if I can make it to 7:30ish I can make dinner, watch my shows and I'm OK. Don't know how the weekend will go.

I've went to AA a few times and I'm not sure I want to go again. I like reading and talking to people online.

Welcome to SR 4MyMel...Just cuious what you don't like about it?

I like when people share stories. I don't like reading the Big Book. I don't like how every meeting I've been to, there are people counting days. I'm a perfectionist and a black/white thinker and counting days drives me crazy. I know I don't have to do it, but it's in my face everytime I go to the meetings.

I know why I drink, I know the underlying factors (been to therapy enough), I just never wanted to stop and deal with the day to day. Alcohol helps mask ALL my feelings - fear, anxiety, worry, regret, sadness, happiness etc. If I drink I don't feel these things. When I don't drink they all creep up on me and push me over. I know I need to learn to deal with emotions and I don't feel that AA has or will help. I need to feel and when I go to AA, I still can't reveal myself completely and therefore I'm back to square one.

It does take time for the cravings to go away. Perhaps they lie hidden even when they have gone away. It took a couple of weeks for me to be steady, and now at nearly 8 weeks (sorry have to count to give you some idea of when!) I feel I dont want to drink

I know I need to be on guard though.

I would suggest you do what you need to do in the early days and keep thinking that way. For me, I would keep logged onto SR when I had a craving , or a depression, and just keep reading and posting. When I felt bad, I posted my feelings. It made a bad blog, but it made me feel better.

If thats AA or SR or whatever let it work. We are here to listen and reply

These are all the things that AA help me deal with....Hey...If it's not for you...That's OK. I'd try and find something to assist you in staying stopped...AVRT...SMART...Maybe something like that?

Yeah, I"m thinking about what I will need. I might try AA again. Another issue is that I moved and now don't have that many meetings in my area. Before I had one every night after work. I'm doing OK now, I have other motivations.

Give those other recovery methods a try, they may work for you.

I am one of those alcoholics that it talks about in "How It Works" that NEEDS AA and the 12 Steps. It will be there for you if you need it as well.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Thanks Bob for your words. I find that if I over think things, that's what pushes me back to drinking. I am focusing right now on things I have constantly put off because I had to drink and I couldn't do them while drunk :) I find keeping myself busy, but not too busy works for me. And also having something to look forward to.

Hi and Welcome,

It sounds like you have a good plan by altering your early evening schedule. I did that too and it really helped me a lot. I have also found that coming here is always inspirational and uplifting for me. :)

4MyMel, you identified a bunch of nasty stuff that being drunk makes go away. As you are learning, there are at least a couple of problems with this approach.

Maybe you need to 'be with' some of these negative feelings. You don't have to like them, no one likes feeling anxious or depressed, but these feelings provide the stimulus to help us learn and grow. I am working on learning how to accept these feelings, and how not to get too upset about them when they show up.

Being numb to the prickly aspects of life ensures that we miss out on a whole bunch of other great stuff too. For me, I became numb to simple joys and pleasures, things that now contribute so much to my quality of life.

I hope you can find your way to this place too 4MyMel. Keep posting!

Hey MyMel,

Exercise, lots of exercise (even just walking or stretching) and loggin onto SR [I]a lot[I] especially at the start. Jeez, all day I think on my first Saturday. And building the habit of just pushing it gently away. No. I don't want to drink. Shhh. Go away now. and doing something else.

Good luck, and keep posting - day 3 is extraordinary. And rubbish and hard. It gets easier and easier, promise :)
xxx

This is where I am. I can't seem to enjoy anything. I'm always waiting for when it's time to drink and if that time is prolonged I get angry and agitated! Horrible. Once it's time to drink, I don't remember anything anyways.

Yeah, I've been masking my feelings my whole life. It started with an eating disorder when I was 14, that turned to drinking when I went to college and then alternated between eating disorder and drinking since. Finally, 2 years ago, something came over me and the eating disorder "went away." I wonder if it was replaced with drinking, because that is when I started to drink more. This makes me scared too, what if the eating disorder comes back when I quit drinking. The first few weeks I find that my appetite actually goes away, but I haven't made it further than that in a long time.

My partner and I are ready to start our family and I've been doing test after test for the past 2 months it seems like. Everything came back normal somehow except that my progesterone levels are low! I did some reading and that could be due to poor diet and lack of exercise. So that's what's motivating me to quit, start exercising again and eat better. It's enough motivation for me.

Plus I really don't want to drink anymore. It does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for me. The feeling I used to have is gone. When I drink, I can't formulate my thoughts properly, I say things I shouldn't, I take everything out of proportion, I get sleepy and lathargic and just want to sleep. All alcohol does it take me out of my reality and I want to be in it. Plus, I used to think that my partner can't tell, but she has been able to tell all along and that's embarassing and I don't want to be that person anymore. Now that I know she knows, I can't even face her if I drink. It's more stress than it's worth.

Thanks everyone for listening.

Welcome 4MyMel!

Congrats on day 3! I thought about drinking constantly at first, too..... It does fade over time (the more we do things without drinking)and the cravings get less intense, so hang in there! And remember - those thoughts are the addiction (and you don't have to act on them!):grouphug:

Welcome back 4mymel :)

Yeah - it all takes time - and waiting/patience and being ok with not feeling comfortable are all things not a lot of us are used to.

It's not easy in the beginning - but support really helps...whether it's AA or some other kind of recovery group or really plugging yourself in here, you can make some changes and get through the rough bits...

you won't regret it :)

D

Hi. I had to find a program of recovery to work to get sober. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I needed to see and hear what others did. I of course, thought I was smarter than those that had gotten sober before me and that I could do it my way instead of theirs. Once, I surrendered and started to listen it was alot easier to work towards recovery. I suggest you find some type of recovery program to work and learn from those that have come before you. Sobriety isn't always easy, but I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I will have 1 year next week because I listened to what others who had been successful in sobriety said. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Best of luck.

Hi. Way to go on day 3. I like what you said about being really conscious of building in a schedule around the time you tend to start drinking. I have found that really helpful as well. I started out with eating disorders at a young age as well and was in therapy from about age 12 -30...so can relate to some of what you seem to be expressing about being resistant to something that feels like more therapy or feeling like you generally have a good handle on your issues but need to make better choices or simply aren't sure what's right for you. Also just the fear of slipping back into eating disorders to maintain control when I'm not drinking. I hope this can be a safe place for you to process your feelings without it being too overwhelming. Take care!