desertsong

I think I've finally reached a much-needed turning point in my recovery.

For most of my life, alcohol has been my friend, in fact my BEST friend. It was always there for me, always gave me a place to hide, always made my icky feelings better. When I first decided to get sober, I could not envision a life without it. Whenever I would even consider it, I would think to myself, "But if I don't have it, what DO I have?"

Some friend.

A friend doesn't make you feel bad about yourself. A friend doesn't lie to you, cheat you, steal your money, your time and your energy and not give anything of value back to you. A friend doesn't make you hurt the people you love, embarrass and humiliate yourself, or cause your health to fail. A friend doesn't cause you to lose jobs, lose the respect of other people, or your home. A friend doesn't want to take away everything that matters to you and leave you with nothing. And a friend doesn't try to kill you.

For the first time, I'm allowing myself to feel some real ANGER toward alcohol. It is deceitful, ugly, relentless, cruel, selfish, and merciless. It almost destroyed me, and I look around me at AA and here at SR and I see the pain and wreckage it has caused so many other good people. It doesn't discriminate and it doesn't care who you are ... it just wants everything you have and it will do anything to get it.

There is no room for "friends" like this in my life anymore.

Every day, I think of all of you who are struggling and I pray for each and every one of you to find your way to a fulfilling, joyful and sober life. And for those of you already living that life, you are an inspiration to me. THIS is what true friendship is all about.

Thanks for listening.

Sapling

Beautiful stuff DS...I like it...

Holly7

Wow. Great post.

Dee74

I remember the perception shift I had - it was astounding to me....things were so clear to me, but I'd never really focused on them up til that point.

It was like a physical slap really...from that point on I began to accept my relationship with alcohol for what it really was....

I'd try not to get too caught up in the anger tho - our addiction feeds on anything and angers good enough....

I think it's better to use that energy positively...use it to achieve 'escape velocity' and keep on moving DS

!

D

OCDDan

Nicely put Desertsong, From what i understand, that "friend" will always be there for you, at least that's what i'm telling myself, to watch out.. congratulations, you sound great!

InsertNameHere

I saw a really great analogy comparing alcohol to a roommate that was great at first and then turned ugly that I really liked but I have no idea where it is now. I might have read it in a book instead of here. But regardless, nice post I hope that outlook sticks with you and helps you to stay sober.

suic

Drugs lure us in with their siren song, looking beautiful. then they reveal their hideous true form and try to kill us.

eJoshua

I really am happy for you and your change in perspective.

instant

Great post DS. One of the things I got from the Big Book was the advantages of getting to a position of neutrality about alcohol. They way I see it if I am angry with alcohol or myself for when I was with alcohol.....I still have a relationship with alcohol.

I have it in me to become a passionate crusader (see step 4), and I do get annoyed about alcohol advertising to young adults...............but then I think of the serenity prayer, and focus on what I need to do to improve my life and contribute to the welfare of those around me.

Spinach

Glad for the perception shift.
I agree with Dee try not to get angry with it . Alcohol has no personality , but we can develop one with it. My wife can drink and enjoys brief moments with it , I have always drunk to feel drunk and that driver was me ? I can be angry with myself and on some levels am but I am who I am and I am better without alcohol.
I think in time instead of being angry with it you will see it as something that is not good for you. It 's interesting though that your anger could be really separating you away from it, so I guess that's good.
Good luck. John

RobbyRobot

Awesome share, DS. You've SO found your real core being, and hung up an everlasting "no alcohol wanted" sign. A wonderful turning point in your beautiful journey for sure.

Purplecatlover

I had the same experience. I think they are like the 5 stages of loss. Denial, grief,anger, etc. eventually comes acceptance. Where you can live in a world where alcohol has no relationship.
I bought 2 bottles of wine for my 2 sisters bday. Didn't phase me. Alcohol for some is ok. They can handle it. I can't.
It's not the alcohols fault. It's mine for consuming poison.
If that makes sense.
But I had that healthy anger for a time. It helps to separate yourself from it.
To see it for what it is TO ME.

Hevyn

So proud of you desertsong. This is a huge step forward. I clung to my 'friend' for so long - almost until death. When I look back I don't understand why I thought it was actually helping me have a better or happier life. I was miserable, there was no joy.

Glad you are feeling good today - thanks for an uplifting post.

Eliasson

Thank you. I SO needed to hear this today! I just love the people on this site!

GrowingDaily

I was just writing in another thread how I could say with confidence that I'd never smoke again, because the last time I quit was the first time I actually learned to see nicotine for what it is, a poison, and hate it as I should any other.

I know earlier on in life I had the all-too-common mindset that life without ever having another drink would be nearly impossible (and surely not any fun). But would I say the same about arsenic?

The pleasure is an illusion, but the pain is real. I believe that learning to hate what's brought us so much pain is crucial to long-term success. You're still not 'well' if you look upon something that's created so many problems with anything other than hate.

OldRocker

Amazing, inspiring and beautifully written!

nel68

Awesome!!!