Help! I'm sober 36 days and my girlfriend won't stop drinking
 

Help please! I am totally surrendered to God and my aa program now! I am in my early 20's and just got out of rehab last week, and I LOVE AA AND MY WONDERFUL SUPPORT NETWORK! BUT MY GIRLFRIEND WHOM I LOVE VERY MUCH STILL WANTS TO DRINK WHEN WE AREN'T TOGETHER, BUT I WORRY SHE WILL CHEAT WHEN SHE IS DRUNK BECAUSE SHE GETS FLIRTY WHEN SHE DRINKS, SOOOOO WHY DOESNT SHE CARE ENOUGH TO STOP ALTOGETHER FOR ME?? WE ARE BOTH ALMOST FINISHED WITH COLLEGE AND WE LOVE EACHOTHER, BUT WHY DOESN'T SHE UNDERSTAND ITS HARD FOR ME TO HEAR HER TALK ABOUT HOW SHE FEELS WHEN SHE'S DRINKING WHEN SHE ISNT WITH ME, AND WHAT SHOULD I DO???? I KNOW IT'S MY SOBRIETY, BUT IT FEELS SO SELFISH OF HER TO DO THIS TO ME, AM I WRONG??????
I need help please, I have embraced the aa program and have a sponsor, but my sponsor's wife still drinks too, so I don't think he is much help.

Welcome chance2011...Your sponsor is in the same boat?...Wow...I guess you're just going to have to figure out how much your sobriety is worth to you...If you want to keep it....You can't put anything in front of it that might make you lose it...Sounds cruel...But it's true.

You can't control what others do, you can choose how you spend your time and ensure your sobriety.
You should def talk to her and make sure she knows how you feel, after that it's up to you.

Your alcohol issues is your and not your girlfriend. It's not your place to tell her that she should not drink or not. If you can't handle being around her drinking then you may need to think about if you should be with her at all. You are in college and college people drink more often and heavier then other people.

Hi Chance

Many of our members have spouses and partners who drink - it can make things harder perhaps, but it need not be a deal breaker for our recovery.

I agree with Dorito that we can't control what someone else does....

My experience is I drank my way through 2 relationships...it wasn't that I didn't care enough (or at least I didn't feel that way at the time)...I was addicted and in denial, both about my problem and my indispensability to my partner...I soon came crashing down on both scores.

I think the real issue here is you finding a way to focus on your own recovery...maybe finding more support is the answer?...

Only you can decide whether you really feel your partner is hindering you...& only you can then decide what you want to do about it, really.

D

Congrats on the 36 days . Keep it positive.:You_Rock_

hmmm firstly i think you should just keep yourself safe, i understand it can feel uncomfortable at first around drinkers if your in recovery, but to be honest, and im not being mean here, but it sounds a bit selfish of you, not her, for wanting her to stop drinking for you, if she doesnt have a drink problem herself?
do a mini step 4 on it and see what you come up with..

I think you're more concerned she might cheat while drinking, not so much about the drinking.... Right?
If she loves you, I don't think she would cheat drunk or sober.
You have to focus on you & hopefully she will follow suit.
If not, you will have to make a decision if you can accept her drinking.
You can't make her. But you can lead by example.
It's a struggle when you're young. Best wishes.

Welcome, Chance, and congrats on your 36 days! That's great. :)

I'm a similar boat... my boyfriend and I were both heavy drinkers/ alcohol abusers. Over four months ago, I stopped drinking, and my boyfriend hasn't. I struggle with a lot of the same feelings you do, thinking that if I were important enough to him or if he cared, he would stop too. But I've learned that we cannot make that decision for them, just like no one could have made that decision for us, except us. It's a personal journey for everyone, and they may or may not decide to quit drinking on their own.

I'm really trying to just focus on myself and my own recovery. Part of that involves deciding whether I want to continue on in a relationship with someone who drinks to the extent that my boyfriend does (or at all)... but I'm not prepared to make that decision right now. So another part of it is setting my own boundaries for myself... right now my boyfriend has agreed to not drink when he's around me (although he does drink before he sees me, which also makes me uncomfortable, and I also wouldn't prefer that he go out drinking without me... so really, I'm learning there is no great way to deal with it and I have to just accept that he drinks even though I don't like it, or leave the relationship). At least your girlfriend doesn't drink around you... that's very respectful of her.

Please don't let your recovery depend on your girlfriend's drinking or not... try to focus on yourself, even though I do know from personal experience that it's very hard. Best wishes and stay strong.