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Old 03-18-2012, 12:18 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I think letting her know and accepting support is a great idea...asking for her to help hold him accountable...That doesn't sit right with me....I had to do this for myself...Make myself accountable...Then the people I hurt could get the benefits of me being sober. At least for me...That's how it worked.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:38 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
I think letting her know and accepting support is a great idea...asking for her to help hold him accountable...That doesn't sit right with me....
Not only should it not sit right with anyone, but it is utterly absurd. If you are the spouse, who likely has been harmed by drinking, what would you think about your partner coming to you and saying the following?

"Honey, I'm really done with drinking for good this time, but I need you to look over my shoulder, babysit me, and hold me accountable so that I don't get drunk again."

You would understandably be a little suspicious about them actually being done with drinking, no?
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Old 03-18-2012, 11:00 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Not that it means much but my children and husband are the reason I am getting sober. I told mine but honestly they just didn't give a s*** anymore. My husband didn't even seem to think it was a big problem. One daughter (grown) did understand how big this was for me and was on a constant lookout. Had to be see thru with everyone. I'm closing in on three months and will say that with my family actions speak louder than words.
Your here and that's what counts. keep coming back. I can promise you there is always someone with experience and be careful with yourself.
My family loves me, I'm the one who didn't. The hardest part was that quitting alcohol was like breaking up a life long relationship.
One day at a time and one hour if need be.
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Old 03-18-2012, 11:41 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Family can be the best motivator

I have an interesting suggestion that might combine both of your options as far as telling your wife and kids. I agree with other people that letting your actions speak louder than words is a powerful thing. Especially since your wife and kids WILL notice that you are having much more fun living life and being active. Focusing on family life and being a part of your kids is important. They'll grow up fast, so you need to quit and start spending time with them before they go off to college and become adults themselves.

Perhaps setting a goal for yourself such as sobriety for 6 months then reward yourself by telling your wife. That way you can tell her that you are actively fighting the problem and have been successful for this amount of time. She'll be impressed.

With your kids, it depends on how mature they are. Perhaps saving the alcohol discussion for when your kids are about 15-16 is a good idea. They are going to be dealing with it in high school, all their friends are going to parties and getting drunk/experimenting with drugs. Sitting down with them and having a good chat about drugs and alcohol can be a positive force for them. You certainly don't want them succumbing to alcoholism. One of my friends in college absolutely refused to have type of alcoholic drink because her grandfather had an alcohol problem. Her parents talked to her about the dangers of alcohol, and she had resolutely made the decision to never taste the stuff. If you intellectually discuss alcohol and its consequences with your kids, I promise you that your voice will be in the back of their minds at the next party. Telling them that you personally have a problem with alcohol may drive the point home even further, but that is really a decision for you to make. You have to be dedicated to sobriety before really discussing this with them. Otherwise its like the blind leading the blind.

When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses. ~Joyce Brothers

I want to wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Stick with and keep all your motivating factors in mind. I'm headed down the same journey.
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Old 03-19-2012, 04:43 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hiya...All the best 6palms! The list u wrote....I'm experiencing those things for the first time in a long time and seriously, now 7 weeks sober they give me a way bigger high than drinking! I was feeling so good just hanging with my family the other day that I thought 'wow, this is the feeling I was chasing with every drink but never able to feel'! If u can get through the first month that's gonna be tough, this is on the other side!

What worked for me was being absolutely completely Open and honest with my husband. He was so sick of my empty promises and was well and truly over it! But when I got a week, then 2 he started really being supportive and helped me. That first month I had to be honest with him as I was sooooo irritable and it was of no fault of his so I had to explain alcohol withdrawls blah blah. I would definately not play it down to the most important person in your life. It gives u someone to be accountable to, someone else who u don't want to disappoint in those hard times when u 'think' u don't care and want another drink.

The saying I heard is 'it's never gonna be easier than today to quit'. All the best
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Old 03-19-2012, 04:57 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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This is what Terminally Unique wrote, sorry dont know how to quote it properly......

Wanting to be "held accountable" by your wife in order to abstain necessarily suggests that without being held accountable by her, you might not abstain. Your desire for accountability is nothing more, and nothing less, than a dignified plan to drink in the absence of accountability.

This is interesting. I thought that being accountable to my hubby was a good thing. There are times I've thought 'F it' but don't want to disappoint him so haven't drank. The next day I'm pleased for me but at the time not drinking for him got me through the moment. I thought that's why AA helped people too, the accountability when u have a moment when u don't care about yourself. I'm only 7 weeks but doing it for my precious family, my hubby and my daughter definately helps! And that doesn't mean if they aren't around I will drink, they are in my heart always and I could never look my husband in the eye and lie.

Interesting stuff
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Old 03-19-2012, 07:26 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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DoinThis,

There is nothing wrong with doing this thing for someone else, particularly family. I did this myself initially, and I make no apologies for it. Some people sacrifice their lives for their families, after all. It becomes a problem when we expect them to hold us accountable or keep us sober, because it is a burden few can carry. Generally speaking, the burden should not be on others, but rather on ourselves. As you stated, simply keeping them in your heart is the way to go. This is my opinion, to be sure, but it is born of experience.
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Old 03-19-2012, 07:30 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I agree with TU, I can't put that responsibility on anyone but myself. While my family is a HUGE reason for me to get and stay sober, my sobriety is up to me, not them.
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