I beat the odds, and then... I blew it. Please help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 62
I beat the odds, and then... I blew it. Please help!
I come from a family whose time spent in the system is generational. Growing up, I had no childhood due to abuse, witnessing my mother shooting someone, and crazy amounts of alcoholism. As a teen, I was angry and spent my time either on the run from foster care or in jail. After finding myself pregnant at 19, I turned my life around... Went back to school, graduated from college and university... Six months ago I was hired as an addictions counsellor for youth and bought my first car. I thought all my hard work had finally paid off.
I have been in a dysfunctional relationship for the past year... Crazy fights and he consistently sought attention from other women outside the relationship. In the past month, I found out I was pregnant, lost the baby... Lost the relationship... found out a childhood friend passed away... Had my tire stolen, causing almost $1000.00 in damage and my laptop broke from usage. The only lingering problem I have had since I was young is, I don't have coping skills... When things are bad, I drink... and I have known for 15 years, I shouldnt.
Two days ago, I woke up to an ambulance driver waking me up in the middle of the intersection. I had went out the night before... Took cabs everywhere, knowing I was too drunk to drive. After making my way home, blackout drunk... I guess I decided to drive. I don't know why as I don't remember even making my way home in the cab. I don't remember anything until I was woke up by this person. Needless to say, I know find myself at 30... With criminal charges against me -- clearly I was intoxicated so the police charged me with drinking under the influence. I also refused to blow because at the time, I couldn't bear having my name in the paper with a concrete number of how intoxicated I was, beside it. Luckily I didn't hurt anyone else, I fell asleep at the intersection and a person called the ambulance, worried that I was hurt.
I was literally 30 seconds away from my house, and with the direction I was driving, I know I was on my way home. As much as I HAVE thought to myself "if I only kept driving that 30 more seconds..." I am actually MORE relieved that this happened, because if I can't even REMEMBER driving -- how many more times would this have happened until I hurt or killed someone else? I know my actions are going to probably ruin this great future I have worked SO hard to get to, but if it means I am going to save someone's life -- then so be it.
I'm so messed up right now and don't even know where to begin. First and foremost, obviously -- no drinking... Ever. Again. Where do I go from here? Please help!!!
I have been in a dysfunctional relationship for the past year... Crazy fights and he consistently sought attention from other women outside the relationship. In the past month, I found out I was pregnant, lost the baby... Lost the relationship... found out a childhood friend passed away... Had my tire stolen, causing almost $1000.00 in damage and my laptop broke from usage. The only lingering problem I have had since I was young is, I don't have coping skills... When things are bad, I drink... and I have known for 15 years, I shouldnt.
Two days ago, I woke up to an ambulance driver waking me up in the middle of the intersection. I had went out the night before... Took cabs everywhere, knowing I was too drunk to drive. After making my way home, blackout drunk... I guess I decided to drive. I don't know why as I don't remember even making my way home in the cab. I don't remember anything until I was woke up by this person. Needless to say, I know find myself at 30... With criminal charges against me -- clearly I was intoxicated so the police charged me with drinking under the influence. I also refused to blow because at the time, I couldn't bear having my name in the paper with a concrete number of how intoxicated I was, beside it. Luckily I didn't hurt anyone else, I fell asleep at the intersection and a person called the ambulance, worried that I was hurt.
I was literally 30 seconds away from my house, and with the direction I was driving, I know I was on my way home. As much as I HAVE thought to myself "if I only kept driving that 30 more seconds..." I am actually MORE relieved that this happened, because if I can't even REMEMBER driving -- how many more times would this have happened until I hurt or killed someone else? I know my actions are going to probably ruin this great future I have worked SO hard to get to, but if it means I am going to save someone's life -- then so be it.
I'm so messed up right now and don't even know where to begin. First and foremost, obviously -- no drinking... Ever. Again. Where do I go from here? Please help!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 66
I totally understand what you're saying. How many times have I been out driving under the influence? I'm so thankful that I never hurt anyone or got arrested, though I don't know how I managed that.
It sounds like you've done an amazing job of making a life for yourself after such a tough childhood. You have a lot to be proud of yourself for!
I'm struggling to get sober too and it's hard. I feel like there's a little demon constantly sitting on my shoulder waiting for the right moment to whisper in my ear ..... vodka will help. And even though I know it won't help, it doesn't stop me from turning to alcohol.
I got up this morning with a hangover and I came to this site seeking some support to change my life. I hope it helps both of us!
It sounds like you've done an amazing job of making a life for yourself after such a tough childhood. You have a lot to be proud of yourself for!
I'm struggling to get sober too and it's hard. I feel like there's a little demon constantly sitting on my shoulder waiting for the right moment to whisper in my ear ..... vodka will help. And even though I know it won't help, it doesn't stop me from turning to alcohol.
I got up this morning with a hangover and I came to this site seeking some support to change my life. I hope it helps both of us!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Well, the court stuff..... U just go thru it. MANY of us have.... It's scary but the fear is usually worse than the experience itself.
Keep an eye on yourself. If u can stick to tha resolution....good for u. If u can't (I could for a while but not permanently), it's prob worth your time to check AA out.
Keep an eye on yourself. If u can stick to tha resolution....good for u. If u can't (I could for a while but not permanently), it's prob worth your time to check AA out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 773
yea, what Day Trader said about the court stuff, i agree, you can't change it, upsetting yourself about it just makes it worse, it will be over when it's over. I've had 3 dui's, each one improved my life (didn't stop me from drinking however, at least not for long). it's not easy giving up alcohol, some people do succeed tho.. I'd keep reading right here on SR, there's plenty of support and horror stories to help remind you how bad it was..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
It sounds like a wake-up call for you, and I hope that you use this experience as a push to get sober. Things could so easily have turned out much worse for you.
Do you have a plan on how to get and stay sober?
Do you have a plan on how to get and stay sober?
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Welcome!
What would you suggest to a client? As an addiction counselor, would rehab be an option? I don't believe it will effect your job, you'll be better prepared for your future. Rehab, AA, what lengths are you willing to go to save your life? Anything you think you don't have can be learned. I have a feeling you can succeed. Stay stopped, see a doctor about withdrawal, find a program of recovery. Rehab might work, but getting to AA will help you throughout your lifetime.
I wish you well. All of this is typed with compassion. I understand, I've been at the depths of Hades myself.
Love, Hugs & Understanding,
What would you suggest to a client? As an addiction counselor, would rehab be an option? I don't believe it will effect your job, you'll be better prepared for your future. Rehab, AA, what lengths are you willing to go to save your life? Anything you think you don't have can be learned. I have a feeling you can succeed. Stay stopped, see a doctor about withdrawal, find a program of recovery. Rehab might work, but getting to AA will help you throughout your lifetime.
I wish you well. All of this is typed with compassion. I understand, I've been at the depths of Hades myself.
Love, Hugs & Understanding,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 62
My plan so far is to not drink... Now it's finding a way to make that plan a reality.
I had started seeing a counsellor shortly before this all happened. I plan to keep seeing her. She understands and has been sober for 25 years. I had only seen her for twice before this happened and I'm hoping with time, while establishing a rapport with her, it will help.
I would explore with clients things they like to do ASIDE from drinking. I read a few other posts and for myself -- I would like to adapt a healthier/active lifestyle... That doesn't allow drinking. For myself, it's not the every day stuff that triggers me. I have no problem being around alcohol, I have went out with friends in the past when I have quit and danced the night away while they drink... and have never given alcohol a second thought. My trigger is really when I am alone and life starts piling up. I don't have effective coping skills and I get to a place where I say "eff it" and I drink. That's when I crave it. I could go six months and not crave it, but when I do -- it feels there is no stopping me. I need to figure out a way to deal with that. I just don't know what that "way" is. I am really hoping this counsellor can help. The only thing I have trouble with is I feel she focuses SO much on the "addictive" thinking... and less on the problems as to WHY I can't cope and what I could do to make this better. I wish it was that black and white, but it isn't. The next time I talk to her I am going to address this and I'm hoping with time, this will help.
I have thought about rehab... I feel like everyone could benefit from rehab, probably even those who don't have an addiction haha. I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow and am finding out if I am still able to have my job. I am going to bring up the idea of rehab to him and see how that would fit in if I am able to go back.
Thank you so much for the support guys! I really appreciate it!
I had started seeing a counsellor shortly before this all happened. I plan to keep seeing her. She understands and has been sober for 25 years. I had only seen her for twice before this happened and I'm hoping with time, while establishing a rapport with her, it will help.
I would explore with clients things they like to do ASIDE from drinking. I read a few other posts and for myself -- I would like to adapt a healthier/active lifestyle... That doesn't allow drinking. For myself, it's not the every day stuff that triggers me. I have no problem being around alcohol, I have went out with friends in the past when I have quit and danced the night away while they drink... and have never given alcohol a second thought. My trigger is really when I am alone and life starts piling up. I don't have effective coping skills and I get to a place where I say "eff it" and I drink. That's when I crave it. I could go six months and not crave it, but when I do -- it feels there is no stopping me. I need to figure out a way to deal with that. I just don't know what that "way" is. I am really hoping this counsellor can help. The only thing I have trouble with is I feel she focuses SO much on the "addictive" thinking... and less on the problems as to WHY I can't cope and what I could do to make this better. I wish it was that black and white, but it isn't. The next time I talk to her I am going to address this and I'm hoping with time, this will help.
I have thought about rehab... I feel like everyone could benefit from rehab, probably even those who don't have an addiction haha. I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow and am finding out if I am still able to have my job. I am going to bring up the idea of rehab to him and see how that would fit in if I am able to go back.
Thank you so much for the support guys! I really appreciate it!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 594
HI-
I identify with your story! You are amazing how you took yourself out of where you came from!
I got my first DUI in my driveway. I made it home from the liquore store but it didn't matter. I fell out of my car trying to race in the house because I left my son home alone. My point in telling you this is, I would not have got sober if I didn't have close to impossible circumstances to deal with. This was my bottom, though I didn't know it at the time.
You are going to be ok! You are strong. You have come so far breaking the cycle in your family. I have big faith in you!!
I identify with your story! You are amazing how you took yourself out of where you came from!
I got my first DUI in my driveway. I made it home from the liquore store but it didn't matter. I fell out of my car trying to race in the house because I left my son home alone. My point in telling you this is, I would not have got sober if I didn't have close to impossible circumstances to deal with. This was my bottom, though I didn't know it at the time.
You are going to be ok! You are strong. You have come so far breaking the cycle in your family. I have big faith in you!!
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