I am holding on - but I am slipping....
 

I have been writing positive posts, and they were honest. You know, like how much I like being sober, how I averted disaster, etc.

Well, it is Friday night. I had the week from hell at work. My house is a mess and I don't feel like cleaning up. Lately so many appliances have broken (tv, stove, washer, lawn mower, water softener) and I don't have the money to fix them. I have no friends here in Austin except for work acquaintances that I meet outside of work occasionally. The only thing I have going for me is I am healthier than I used to be when I drank (which isn't saying much, since I was sick or injured from falling all the time) and I have my animals with me. I have no interest in gardening (I used to love that) and I am overwhelmed to the max. I feel like a loser and a whiner, but I just can't get a grip.

I am 7 months sober, and I feel like giving up and getting a bottle of wine. I just want to cry. I am scared. I am lonely and bored (although I have so much to do around here I could work for hours and still not get it done). I am tired of just doing what I am supposed to do and not having any fun.

I am rambling. What should I do to help myself? I don't have a recovery program except this forum. Maybe I should break down and give AA another try. I am so lost.

Oh great. Now I am just crying uncontrollably. My dogs are staring out me, and I keep telling them I am sorry. What is wrong with me??? I just can't take this.

My suggestion would be to try to accomplish small things each day. Write a list, and check off things that you do. You'd probably feel better if your house was tidy, so take some small steps. And, why not try to get outside of yourself. Have you considered volunteering in your area? It's not only a way to meet new sober friends, but you can give back and feel good about that.

Hang in there and big congratulations on your 7 months sober. :)

Hang in there Sissy...Don't drink...Why don't you give AA another try?...F2F support...Meeting some nice people that don't drink...Make some new friends...And get involved in it...Get a sponsor and work the program....I tried doing this alone and I was miserable...I became a part of AA and it worked....I think support from people you see every day along with this site could take you out of that funk....It sure works for a lot of people...What do you have to lose?

Alcohol didn't make you happy before, it's not going to make you happy now.

Hang in there.

Hi Sissy

I'm sorry you're low.

If I know anything it's that this
will not help any of this
I know all about having things break on me and having no money to fix them...

I try to priotise my needs and sort things out that way...sometimes I save up for things, sometimes I look on things like craigslist or freecycle...and sometimes I have to bite the bullet and get a loan, or (gulp) rent weekly...

Is it possible you're depressed too Sissy - I mean more than just as a reaction to all this?

It certainly reminds me of me when I get depressed...sometimes exercise helps me, sometimes doing what I need to do helps (even tho its a herculean effort) sometimes reaching out here or to friends helps...sometimes it can take a professional input.

If you think you need to be doing *something* more then you're probably right.

You've come so far - I think the gains are more than just good health too btw...
don't slip back down that rabbit hole :)

You don't wanna wake up tomorrow with regret do u? It will lead to more drinking (if you're like me) and then u will feel that horrible feeling again of detox. *HUGS* hang in there!!!

Sissy, you already know in your heart that alcohol will only make things worse and make you feel terrible. Is there a meeting you can go to tonight? Honestly, I didn't think I'd EVER want to go to an AA meeting, but now they are my lifeline. I was lonely here too, after moving here last year and not knowing anyone. I drank away the first year here out of loneliness but when I started going to AA, I made sober friends who I do things with now. It is worth a shot, especially considering the way you feel right now.

Be kind to yourself tonight in any event. Is there something you enjoy doing that you can busy yourself with tonight? Do you journal? A nice food treat, a favorite movie, some quiet time in the tub with music you love ... something that will make you feel good. At the very least, stay here tonight and talk to us ... we'll do our best to help you through it.

Sissy,
I can't help not reply to your post, you are always so nice to hear from, It's so so hard sometimes, I'm back drinking and trying to figure out how to climb back out of the bottle. if there was an alterative to drinking for you, it would be better.. i wish you the best. dan

Got a meeting list for Friday night? Hill Country Intergroup - Hotline (512) 444-0071

What it is doesn't matter now as much as getting through the next few hours without making a mistake you'll regret.

Why not call up some relatives and friends and do some catching up with them? Make sure you eat a little something every couple of hours. Give your attention to a series of undemanding 5 minute chores and then break for a tea. Sit outside and listen for any calming natural sounds. What's happening in the sky above you today, what's moving in it?

I find that reading poetry brightens things, seems to turn up the lights and my mood. The world (even Austin) is not dark and scary, and there's always beauty near to enjoy (even in Austin) with a little close inspection. Find some around you.

This feeling will pass, and soon you'll feel differently than you do now.

Sissy07,

Im working on day 7 your on 7 months lets just not drink today or tonight together.

I don't know how you do it without AA... I couldn't.

Sounds like a good idea to me to hit a meeting.

All the best.

Bob R

Oh Sissy honey. We are here for you. You had a bad week. You're stressed. It all seems overwhelming. I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. Being a woman w/ hormones can make things so much worse to me.
Have you been feeling bad for a long time or just a few days?
You are allowed to cry, scream. Get it out. Ride out the craving. You know drinking won't help. I feel like all I do is work, work. I don't have any friends & I've been in the same place for 7 yrs. It's hard when you feel alone.
I would definitely go to AA, it won't hurt. You know the people there care.
I wish I could hug you, you have been so kind to so many people.
I feel like where's my reward sometimes like I've worked hard & deserve a drink. That's a lie. Don't fall for it. Your reward is being sober.
This will pass. Tomorrows another day.
If youre like me, I'm a bit of perfectionist ( control freak) & feel like my life's in shambles if I don't have everything just so. But that's when I say the serenity prayer.
It's ok if your house is a mess, it's ok if you take care of yourself first.

Just don't drink, you will feel worse than you do now.
Praying for you sweetie

Sissy I'm sorry that you have had a craptastic week and feel overwhelmed.

for tonight I would suggest a cup of hot tea (non caffiene) if you've got it and a hot bath. it will help you relax and open your pores.

i'm sorry about the appliances and the house mess. I wish i could wiggle my nose, snap my fingers and have a clean house. it makes me feel better when things are in place...(how can one person make such a mess??? my cats ask me this all the time).

There is a paperback you might enjoy. it has nothing to do with alcoholism. "It's all too much" by Peter Walsh. it helps you unclutter your life. I don't follow it to the letter, but i can do 10 mins a day (while working through a craving...i'm multi-tasking). and i try to throw out 10 things every day. if i clean something i focus on one area or room and that's it.... (then I talk to myself and praise me too). take the dogs for a walk, go to a dog park if the weather is good tomorrow?

7 months is a wonderful accomplishment, don't lose sight of that fact. ****{big hugs}}} too.

Sissy, I am sorry you are feeling the way you do. Try looking at one thing you can do, instead of all the things you should do but can't. And do something really nice for yourself. Fandy's hot tea (herbal) and a bath suggestion are very good. Wine/beer/liquor will do nothing but make you feel worse.
Remember that tomorrow is a new day. I also agree with some of the other suggestions above that giving AA another try might be a good idea to get you out of the loneliness. People in AA have experienced EVERYTHING you are going through. I continue to be amazed when I share what I feel and see heads nodding around the room in meetings.

Plus...we're all here for you and totally rooting for you. Big fat e-hugs to you. :grouphug:

Sissy, I hope you get feeling better maybe if you go for a walk it may help just to step away from home for a minute and enjoy a nice walk. It may clear your mind and help with the overwhelming feelings....hang on girlie you can do it..We are here for you ******{big hugs to you}}}}:grouphug:

I have just been cuddling my dog and chatting to her. Right in her big chihuahua ear! Sod the housework, give your dogs a cuddle.

If you have room, take in a lodger... I have one, he is portugese. Bit of extra cash is useful and if you find the right one, can be great company, and even better than that, might be handy at fixing appliances!!!

Sissy, The love you share here with others every day is always appreciated. Now you need some help - and I'm glad you decided to be open about your feelings.

What you're going through is normal. I think the first year, our emotions are very fragile. I remember doing so well and thinking "I got this", & the next day anxiety would overwhelm me. It all settled down, Sissy - I promise you it did. I rarely have those uncertain times anymore, & I'm so thankful I held on and didn't cave. I never knew where that 'one drink to calm my nerves' would take me - it was dangerous to tempt fate.

I'm so glad you talked about it and got some excellent suggestions. Your SR family loves you and are with you all the way.

ok, we were going every five minutes Sissy, whatta ya doin?