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I am holding on - but I am slipping....

Old 03-16-2012, 07:00 PM
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Thanks friends....I am doing a lot better now. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have you guys. Thank you for helping me stay sober one more day.
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Old 03-16-2012, 07:02 PM
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I'm glad you came here for support and got through the night ok.
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Old 03-16-2012, 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted by sissy07 View Post
What should I do to help myself? I don't have a recovery program except this forum. Maybe I should break down and give AA another try.
Sounds logical to me. That's the sort of despiration most of us in AA hit at one point or another. Lots of ppl came in that way. I was more like you though, didn't really take AA serious until I realized that "not drinking" was the reason I drank... I wanted something more to life....and I found it and more when i started working the program seriously.

I found ALL the sorts of things you mentioned started clearing up...and some of it happened darn quickly...when i started getting serious about the program. I'm sure you'll find the same to be true for you as well.
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Old 03-16-2012, 07:34 PM
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Hey Sissy, you are doing great wheather you think so or not. You came to a support site and dumped honestly! I have to agree with the op who work the program in AA. I have met some wonderful friends (women) ! Our relationships are like none I've ever had before. When I am feeling like you did tonight, I call my friends in the program and they lift me up. Also you might meet a handy man in the rooms that charges a great deal or accepts payments. All kinds of things happen in these rooms. Jobs are found, rides are given, hands are extended!!! I'm glad you are feeling better! :ghug3
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Old 03-16-2012, 07:38 PM
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heh Sissy
i have been "low" most of today. Massive hay fever [earliest ever] , not much sleep. the boat i am building suddenly became a labor of drudgery. Not much income recently. One of my son's friends was driving loaded last week and ran off the road- killed one friend and another is on life support- the funeral's tomorrow. ...

I did what was suggested [ listen to someone else?- that alone is a friggin' miracle!] talked to my sponsor, talked to a sponsee, and most important: DID NOT PICK UP
like that old sufi poet Rumi wrote "this night will pass. Then we have work to do"

BTW- know a few Austin bred clean/sober folk. they say the recovery [AA/ NA] social scene down there rocks...
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Old 03-16-2012, 07:59 PM
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I am having a bad Friday too and I am glad to see you are better.

I have had a string of 7 day work weeks for months and will have a few more in the upcoming weeks. Tomorrow and Sunday are free and that is when I think of using. As long as I am working or have social obligations I never think of it and then some free time comes and the idea hits again.

Usually I call someone and plan to meet for lunch the next day and that gets rid of the cravings. But everyone I usually ask is busy this weekend--so I am on my own. I guess it is bad to depend on others to stay clean for just this reason. They are not always there.

I am glad I can be honest about this here. If I said any of this in a 12-step meeting I would be yelled at and if I said anything to a friend while in the midst of this, I think it would make them panic. Thank goodness for SR.
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:03 PM
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Hang in there sissy. We all have those periods. Everything seems to break all at once, we get down on ourselves. Everytime I get like that, I go to a meeting and hear something that I need to hear. Just talking with other sober alcoholics before and after the meeting lifts my spirits.

Your still ALIVE and SOBER! That's a victory! Sometimes we just have to hang on to that. As long as you don't drink and do the things you need to do you are going to be ok. This period will pass and you will be stronger.

Thanks for all you contribute to SR.

God bless.
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:09 PM
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Sorry, Sissy---I misread another post as yours and took it to mean you were doing better.
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:19 PM
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Hi Miamifella,

I am doing better, thanks to everyone who took the time to post to my thread. I am so grateful.....looks like I made it to see another sober sunrise! Thank you.
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:22 PM
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Glad you're doing better Sissy.
Hope you will be soon too miamifella.

D
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:27 PM
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Good job, Sissy Each success you have helps you get stronger and stronger. Good things snowball just like bad things do.
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:31 PM
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I just hate doing anything by myself and back in the day a sponsor told me that ultimately you always have to be alone with this at some time. That was true.
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Old 03-16-2012, 10:26 PM
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Hi Sissy,

You have been feeling like this for awhile now.

Change is needed, I would suggest AA because it works for me. I can't remember if you told us whether or not you had a bad time in AA.

I can't get to meetings now but I listen to speakers read the AA forum and I am getting more involved in this way and happier than I have ever been.
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Old 03-16-2012, 11:20 PM
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Sissy - I am glad to see you are doing better now and upset I didn't see this post earlier to reach out to you!

All of your encouraging words on here help me! Please keep sobriety up! 7 months is AWESOME!!! We need you here at SR Hang in there hun..tomorrow is a NEW day!

HUGE HUG heading your way!!!!
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Old 03-17-2012, 04:59 AM
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Sissy07.
Thanks so much for your help and encouragement .
Focus on something small that's good. You are sober you have done so well.
We all get blue from time to time and circumstances always add up to make things worse.
The thing to rebuild should perhaps being how great it is that you haven't slipped and that should shine out for you like a beacon.
John.
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Old 03-17-2012, 05:07 AM
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There IS a lasting solution Sissy. Like CaiHong, I've found AA to be wholly satisfying. It's more than just "not drinking." It's a way of living.....that's satisfying.
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Old 03-17-2012, 05:38 AM
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Just wanted to let you know that we are thinking about you and hope you are feeling better. 7 months is fantastic!
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Old 03-17-2012, 06:59 AM
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Hi, Sissy, just wanted to check in to see if your day is off to a better start than yesterday. from reading the rest of the thread it sounds like you got through the worst of it last night! YAY! You did great and set a great example by reaching out here on SR.
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Old 03-17-2012, 08:08 AM
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Woke up sober, thanks to everyone here. I don't think I would have made it without you guys. I am so, so grateful to you all at SR and there is not even a word in the English language to describe the relief I feel for not drinking last night.

Last night really, really scared me. I keep seeing more and more that even though I am seven months sober I must change the way that I am living. What I wrote last night was the essence of how I have been feeling: "I am tired of doing what I am supposed to do and not having any fun." I think what I need to do is get out of my head, take care of things around the house, be grateful for what I do have, keep reading SR (which I spent hours doing last night) and find a recovery program. The only things that has changed since I quit drinking is that I don't drink, am not physically sick, and I don't have that feeling of impending doom that I used to walk around with all the time (you know, like what is going to happen next?) I realize that I need to take this to the next level.

I was sober 8 years, relapsed, then 9 years sober before my last 4 year binge before this era of seven month sobriety. I don't think I can handle starting over again, I really don't. And reading SR today, I again realize there are many that are going through life situations far worse than me. I hate to admit it, but I was feeling sorry for myself. Ugh! Last night was another example of how serious and relentless alcoholism is.

So I am going to pull up my bootstraps and get to work. Thanks for all the encouragement last night, and for the threads I read all night long. Much love to all of you.
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Old 03-17-2012, 08:14 AM
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Awesome to hear, sissy!!!

miamifella, if anyone at AA yelled at me for feeling the way I did, I'd tell them I wouldn't want the kind of sobriety they had and that they needed to go work the steps with their sponsor. I don't go to AA to be yelled at for any reason. Sorry to hear that it's like that where you are.
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