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First Day Here / Introduction

Old 03-16-2012, 08:13 AM
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First Day Here / Introduction

Hello all,

I am on day 2 of my recovery. I have never had a period of sobriety longer than 2weeks since I was 12 years old. I started using the year that my grandfather passed away. My grandfather had been sexually abusing me as long as I can remember prior do his death. I am now 41.

I have been drinking for so long, that I do not know how to function socially without alcohol. On the outside I have managed to appear kind of normal, but inside I am far from it. I am suffering from severe depression, and have recently began to have panic attacks.

As I contemplate sobriety and how I am going to achieve it, I realise a few terrifying facts and the questions they bring:

I have never had an intimate relationship without alcohol, how do normal adults get close to one another?
I have never had sober sex, what is normal?
My first wife was an alcoholic as is my second wife, my father, my brother, and all of my friends - am I going to lose everybody if I become sober? Who will I have in my life?
What kind of parent and role model have I been to my children?
My entire personality developed while using drugs and alcohol. Who am I, and who would I have been?
Without alcohol, how do I make all of this pain go away?

itchy
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:34 AM
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Hi I'm Diana,
I am also struggling with who am I ? But the friends I've made at AA and Now church are proving to be a very large asset to the new me. I am not completly sober yet. I go through streaks but I'm trying and learning. Ive made one friend on here who has helped me through alot of it. Keep trying and so will I. We all need each other.
good luck my friend
Diana
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:40 AM
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Welcome Itchy, it's normal to be afraid of living a sober life. In fact, it often keeps us from stopping drinking because we get caught up in the vicious cycle.

I had to make major changes in my life in order to stay sober. I removed a couple of people who were toxic to me. Yes, it's hard, but you can do it. You can get to know yourself and sober person. For me, the journey of recovery is full of surprises.
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:46 AM
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The best thing is to just focus on today and not all of the what-if's that might occur if you quit drinking.

My experience is that all of my relationships have gotten better not drinking, and I can hang around other drinkers just fine if I want to. It may seem scary at first, but just think about putting one foot forward at a time. Do whatever you can to just not drink. I promise you all of your worries will start to fall into place and you will be much better off handling everything sober.
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Old 03-16-2012, 08:57 AM
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Welcome to the family. It can be difficult getting used to a sober life but it's so worth the effort it takes. You'll find a lot of support and understanding here.
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Old 03-16-2012, 09:30 AM
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Hi and sober living is different to be sure but much more interesting and more

joyfull in many ways. Go SLOW with the relationships as many more changes are on the

horizon for you.
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Old 03-16-2012, 10:35 AM
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Old 03-16-2012, 01:06 PM
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Thank you everyone,

The message I need to hear the most is that it gets better at some point. It seems so overwhelming right now, and my mental health isn't so good yet.

I appreciate that there is a community like this to talk to though, its good to not be alone.
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Old 03-16-2012, 01:23 PM
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Itchy,
Welcome. I began to experience panic attacks at the height of my drinking career. I thought it was me. It was the alcohol causing it.
I too had an abusive childhood & thought drinking was helping numbing my pain. That was a lie. I've been sober now 2 months & realize that I was just pushing those feelings deeper & adding my own guilt, shame, self loathing to it.
I had to learn to forgive myself. It is horrible that someone who supposedly loves us could harm us to that extent, but it was not our fault. They were sick.
I think counseling might help you.
As far as living sober, it takes getting used to when you've been a intoxicated fog for so long but I promise you, it's worth it. It gets better.
Getting sober isn't just about stopping drinking, it's about learning to live again.
It was hard the first month, but now I feel so much better mentally, physically. I didn't know who I was before, all I knew is I didn't like who I was.
Now, I like me. The sober me. I'm a good person & deserve to be happy & free. So do you.
I pray you find the strength to quit punishing yourself w/ alcohol. That you find encouragement here.
Have you tried AA?
AVRT? There's a thread under secular for it.
I wish you the best.
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Old 03-16-2012, 01:27 PM
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You have had a lot to contend with. I think you courageous to want to change for the better.

After a 30 year drinking history I am now sober 10 months and learning to live.

welcome to the SR family
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Old 03-16-2012, 02:09 PM
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Hi and welcome Itchy66

When I got sober I had no ideas of how to do most of those things either - in many ways I was like a newborn again - I had to learn or re-learn a lot of things.

The good news is we have an adults mind and the learning curve is pretty quick considering....we can and do learn what to do, and we can and we do have new experiences sober.

I don't regret getting sober for a second - don;t let your what if fears get you down - it's not always easy but, if the collective experience here is any guide, everything will be ok

You'll find a lot of support here to help you with all those new skills

D
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Old 03-16-2012, 02:21 PM
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Welcome itchy. I think everyone has a different normal. Once you get some clean time under your belt, you will slowly settle into your own normal. It does take awhile.

The alcohol and drugs certainly made my anxiety and depression much worse. Yours may ease after some sober time. You may want to to see a doc about it though.

Do you have a recovery program? There are several to choose from. You can read about them hear.

It takes hard work but sobriety is well worth it.

God bless.
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Old 03-16-2012, 02:29 PM
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Congrats on being sober for 10 months. Today is 45 for me! I'm curious; I've read it can take up to a year to feel 100%. My question is do you still find yourself feeling better (clearer thinking, less anxiety/depression...)?
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Old 03-16-2012, 02:41 PM
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Welcome to SR 405

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