ArgyBargy

hi my name is richard, i struggle with alcohol and marijuana addiction/dependance.

for the last 3 years i have known i need to change my habits, but have not had the strength to do so. I have a beautiful girlfriend of 6 years, a supportive family and a couple of good friends. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for which i was medicated for 4 years. i have since weened myself off the anti-depressants (with the help of my gp). I have been an inpatient at a pshyciatric facility and was clean for a couple of weeks afterwards (2009).

i want to go back to a healthy lifestyle, one that i can derive pleasure and joy from without alcohol and marijuana. i fear that i've done so much damage to my brain that it may not be possible for me to be happy without my substances of choice.

I am employed full time, but i fear this will not be the case if i continue on this path of self destruction. i also struggle with an extreme lack of self-esteem/confidence.

95% of my drinking is done at home alone, and 100% of my smoking is done also by myself.

i hope there is someone who can relate to my situation and perhaps offer some insight.

Thankyou for reading, all the best with your struggles.
Richard

DreamingDog

Hey Richard,

I understand how you feel. When you're in that pit of dependence, the whole world seems gloomy. I'm like you in that I primarily smoked pot and drank. Pot was always my drug of choice although I've tried practically every drug know to man. It's hard to imagine things getting better when you're in that pit but they can if you just put down the pipe/vaporizer and the bottle.

The good news is that your brain can definitely recover from the abuse you've put it through. It will take time and that amount of time will be dependent on how long you've been using. Start now and you'll be feeling better in just a few days. Continue on and things will only get better. I can promise you that much with everything I'm worth.

I'm only a week in to my quit and life is waaaaayyyyyy better. I can't even imagine the benefits I'll be seeing a month from now, a year, five years...

Consider AA for the drink and/or NA for the pot. That's what I'm getting into and I think it's going to help. Don't just stop without doing anything else. You need some form of treatment so that you can address whatever was driving you to get messed up in the first place.

I wish you the best. Stick around, read, and post. The people here are awesome!

Sapling

Welcome Richard...I'm an alcoholic...I can relate...Reading your post was like looking in a mirror for me...Drank and smoked alone...Didn't think it would be possible to live without them...I was medicated for depression and anxiety...Continued drinking with that medication...Absolutely no self-esteem/confidence....I was ready to give up...I was on the same path of self destruction....I went to an AA meeting and it gave me hope...I threw everything I had into working that program...I didn't just read the book...I studied it...I got a sponsor and dove into working the 12 steps....I listened and followed directions...Not easy for a stubborn alkie like me.....But I did it...I haven't touched either one of them in nine months...I have no obsession to use either one and I'm living a healthy lifestyle, that I do derive pleasure and joy from...I'm happy...when I thought that would be impossible...So can it be done?....I'm living proof it can....Are there other ways to do it?...Sure...But if you can't find one...I can honestly tell you this one works....If you are willing to put in an honest effort. Best of luck to you Richard...You don't have to live like that.

jobei

It's so great that you're realizing it now! There's no need to lose everything in your life before you seek out help! Please keep us updated on how you are doing! This is a great place to get support friend.

Sapling

I should add Richard....I don't take any medication today...For me...Alcohol and Pot were the rocket fuel for my depression and anxiety....

Dazee

Hi Richard,
Welcome to SR! This is a great place to get started. I drank alone 100% of the time because I didn't want anyone to know I was an alcoholic. Being a closet drinker provided some challenges because you have less people that know about it so it's easy to slip and hide. SR has been really helpful for me.
You may want to join the class of March 2012 for those quitting in the month of March.

I hope you find what you need. Best wishes!

JustBreath

So true! I remember how happy, confident and pretty I was before I ever started drinking. It will take time but that person I once knew as myself will come around the corner before I know it and I will hold onto her and never let go One day at a time, just keep your head up!

JohnnyDetox

Hey Richard: Sound advice from all! I certainly 2nd DreamingDogs advice about some form of treatment. Doing it alone is just way to hard for this alcoholic! SR is great but I'm also a member of AA. Keep posting brother and check out Class of March. All the best.

CaiHong

Hi Richard,

The anxiety is so much increased by the use of alcohol and weed. Of course you can recover but you need a program to help you deal with the problems.

I use AA and this forum.

CaiHong
All the best

Bonnie1

I second what JustBreathe said earlier. I am a 54 year woman who always looked younger than her years, and in my younger days was quite hippyishThat was before the devasting effects of alchohol addiction took over.
It's dreadful how it can ravage a persons appearance. Not only that but takes away all your money too!
Daft when you think about it.
JuJu and Emjay, hope your second days are going ok. Stick with it and it's day 3 for us tomorrow.

ArgyBargy

thankyou all for your responses. i appreciate all the feedback. I do not know much about AA, but i've heard it has alot to do with God, which for me, is a bit of a turn off. Is this the case ?

thanks again
Richard

eh1988

Welcome to SR! I too did most of my drinking, alone in my room, it was my "safe" place. Being here is a good start, I'm currently 2 weeks sober (after being an alcoholic for the past 3 years, drinking everyday for the past 2 years). I'm currently only using SR, as well as close family and friends as my support in my recovery. I wish you the best, hope you keep coming back, there is a ton of support here.

Jennx7

Hey argybargy!

I don't know much about AA and am very new to this. 16 days for me.This site has really helped me. I wish you all the best and you will most certainly find friends and support here. You are not alone. Nice to see you eh1988.

Sapling

This is from a website that'll give you a good idea of what to expect from your first meeting.....I'll list it below.

The newcomer only really needs to know that there is no religious requirement for AA attendance and that he is free to believe whatever he chooses to believe. There are many agnostics and atheists in AA, as well as many members of established churches and organized religions, Christian and otherwise. The Third Tradition of AA states that "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking." Nothing is said about religion – or about any other requirement.

What then about all the talk of God and even the Lord's Prayer that is said at many –not all- AA meetings? The basic idea is to attempt to relate to some kind of "power greater than oneself." The reason for this "Higher Power" is to acquire a sense of perspective and also support. Many people say that they use the AA group or AA as a whole in this fashion. The Eleventh Step speaks of "God as we understand Him," a qualification that leaves ample room for personal preferences. AA members are free to believe anything they like about God, up to and including his non-existence.

It is commonly said that AA is "spiritual, not religious." The goal is direct personal spiritual growth without what many see as the unnecessary and even harmful middleman and encumbrances of organized religion. In this respect AA reveals its Protestant roots and dislike of the trappings and hierarchy of organized religion.

Many people familiar with the challenges facing newcomers to AA suggest that the whole topic of God, religion and spirituality be reserved for a later and more suitable time in recovery. Excessive attention to and analysis of this or any other abstract subject early on is seldom useful and may in fact frequently prove harmful to recovery. Such theoretical or philosophical ruminations and pseudo-concerns early in recovery from alcoholism are often manifestations of the addictive process itself, or of the afflicted individual's alienation from his own core self and feelings into an over-intellectualized state where he feels comfortable and safe.

The important thing is to "keep coming back" to meetings and to have as open a mind as possible.

You should at least check out a couple meetings Richard...You might like it. Here's that site...

Your First AA Meeting<

ArgyBargy

thankyou all again for your responses. this site has truly opened my eyes to how common this problem is. although not an excuse, it is very nice to know i am not alone in any aspect. judging by the immediate feedback i've received, the people that use this site are all genuine and caring(not too common in todays society).

The salt of the earth resides here.

i will look into my local AA group, i'm sure it will be as helpful to me as it has for everyone else.

thanks again,
Richard

Zencat

Hi ArgyBargy, welcome to SoberRecovery.

It can be said that the 12-Step program of AA is quasi-religious or spiritual of a religious nature. It is a faith based program where one puts their faith in a individual or unique understanding of God. That understanding can be anything that one believes will lift them out of active alcoholism.

I use the AA group of member as a HP (Helping Potential) otherwise known as a Higher Power (HP).
As an atheist this works out well for me. I do believe that one alcoholic helping another alcoholic is beyond compare.

If you find AA is not for you, there viable alternatives that can help you recover from addiction. If you wish check out the below links.

SMART Tools and SMART Articles
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Addiction Recovery Tools from cbtrecovery.com
DBT Life Skills For Emotional Health Great tools for maintaining sobriety. (from dbtselfhelp.com/index.html)
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction. By Jack Trimpey. (Google book preview including the Addiction Voice Recognition Technique or the AVRT)

I wish you well no matter what recovery method you choose.

DaveVelasco

Also, if you think AA is still not the best place for you to get in, but you want to really change and get over alcoholism, try to be sober and be more productive with your family relatives again.

But still the best place and person to get over with is HIM, GOD. No one else. You just have to KNOW him well, and accept HIM. And HE will do the works for you.