sarah1414

I can't get past 3 days lately. The fourth day arrives and I convince myself I'm not as bad as the other person, so go ahead and drink. But, I hate it. So why do I keep returning to the poison? I don't want to reach an awful bottom before I quit. I want to quit now. I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I'm on a recovery site posting month after month about my attempts, determination, and failures at quitting a wine addiction.

I begin feeling really good so why on earth do I want to feel like crud all over again? There's a proverb that talks about a man returning to his folly just as a dog returns to its own vomit. I know that's gross but that's what I'm beginning to feel like.

I'm not doing AA. I've read Carr's book and RR. I've made the final decision to stop drinking (several times) but just can't deal with the discomfort of the AV. I am so impressed with all of you who have been successful.

Bottom line is, I'm not o.k. but I keep using that as an excuse to get a bottle of wine.

SR, You are all wonderful. Thanks for letting me post, thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing your stories.

Holly7

Hey Sarah

Have you ever tried AA? I went to one meeting and decided it wasnt for me, but that one meeting has kept me sober for 6 days and will continue to keep me sober....and the next time I am close to buying myself a bottle of wine I plan on returning to a meeting. I am however working with my therapist and using this site A LOT!! It really helps.

So you know you have an issue with day 3..... so why not on day 3 get yourself to a meeting??

Holly7

Hey Sarah

Have you ever tried AA? I went to one meeting and decided it wasnt for me, but that one meeting has kept me sober for 6 days and will continue to keep me sober....and the next time I am close to buying myself a bottle of wine I plan on returning to a meeting. I am however working with my therapist and using this site A LOT!! It really helps.

So you know you have an issue with day 3..... so why not on day 3 get yourself to a meeting on day 3??

sugarbear1

3 days & you return to drinking, another 3, then drink, repeat...don't let that beast win!

sarah1414

Pretty much sugarbear. I've got to deal with the discomfort of not giving in to the addict within.

Holly, Congrats on 6 days! You are doing great. Keep it up.

InsertNameHere

Same boat here Sarah but I am starting to come around to the RR side of the house. It is just when that AV attacks in force I haven't figured out how to say no yet, and mine is beer. I am on a little over 24 hours since my last drink right now so I am counting this as Day one for me. I know that probably dosen't help but if I figure out a way to beat it or you do maybe we can help eachother. right now I am reading the AVRT threads in secular connections and going from what I learn there.

Missy7

That was my pattern for a long time. Can you try to run a test and just let five days go by? After that you can reconsider. Every day is a test and I guess we just need to decide we really want not to drink. I struggle for sure, but I feel too well when I'm sober to risk it. Give yourself a chance.

eh1988

If you can make it 3 days, you can make it a week. If you can make it a week, you can make it a month, a year, and so on. You have the power to do this! Don't let the alcohol trick you into believing that you can't!

Raindance

Do you want to wait until you're as bad as the other person?

Changing for your life for the better can keep going now. There's always going to be times that voice tells you to go have a drink. It takes practice to tell it no.

sarah1414

Best wishes to you, INH. I remember your name from a previous class thread. Let's do this once for all. Thanks for being there.

Missy, I'm so glad to see you back here and doing well. I will take that test. I will go five plus days.

ehh, Thanks. That is true. I just need to get over the discomfort of the cravings which seem so darn strong after a few days.

sarah1414

I know we are all the same within. Addiction is addiction. I hope I didn't sound haughty in my OP. I just wanted to clarify.

No, I don't want to get as bad as I know it can get. I can do this. I will shut up the voice within.

InsertNameHere

Yeah sometimes they hit like a category 5 hurricane wind, screaming only one thought and we all know what that thought is. Others it is much more subtle but all of a sudden you have it in front of you and you are not even sure exactly when you made that decision. I think with some practise and learning what worked for others we should get the hang of it.

Raindance

No not at all. It's a common thought, "oh, i'm not as bad as that guy", but instead of using that as a reason to drink, say "thank god I stopped before it got that bad".

That's all I meant.

instant

Once you are over the first hump it is easier. By drinking again you feed the addiction. I was trapped in cycles for years, feeling good and "it wasn,t that bad" is classic trap

llastchance8

Sarah, Glad to know that your have read Karr's book and are using RR. I am very much fond of Karr's book . His logical explanations to the some of the facts are really striking. Next time , please try to read this book again on your 3rd day.Try to pull it for one more day. The lesser , you feed the monster, the weaker it becomes.

langkah

Get tougher, try with all your might and be more fiercely determined to beat this thing like a dirty rug.

Doing that I could sometimes go several months at a time, which seemed to be the limits of my power over alcohol. Sure, it was longer than I could do at the end of my drinking but I could console myself that I'd done that in the past and was therefore better somehow.

Anyway, I hope that by using the tools you want to use you can begin to get better results at some point.

I wound up having to do all the AA stuff in '82 to get and remain sober, but maybe you can finesse this thing. Stay as safe as is possible while you try to work it out some way or another.

DoinThis

Sarah I was exactly the same for at least 6 months! I'm 6 weeks sober now and the first 4 weeks I just repeated in my mind 'The only way out is through', out of the cravings and iritability etc is through it! I craved and was irritable nearly 24/7 the first week, less the second and so on, now there aren't even cravings, just thoughts of how nice a wine could be but i tell those thoughts to get lost and hey pass really quickly. All the best

2granddaughters

Sarah, as an alcoholic why wouldn't you go to AA?

Read AA's "How It Works" and see if you can identify with it. It saved my life.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Terminally Unique

There was a point where I did countless 3-days-off and back to drinking cycles. Probably the only good 'tip' I got from an addictions counselor, but he told me that this was quite common. It would seem that it takes 3-4 days for the poison to completely flush out of your system, and that's when you really start jonesing for a drink. Once I became aware of this, I was able to prepare myself, although it did still take a few more attempts before I got it right. Perhaps you might want to consider staying with someone who doesn't drink on that 4th and 5th day, watch a movie or something?

sarah1414

Thanks, all. You are an encouraging group and that is why I'm here. I have learned so much from so many of you and I know I'm not alone in this. Sometimes I think I'm absolutely insane for the way my brain works (nobody in my immediate circle has addiction issues) then I log onto SR and really know that this group "gets" what I'm going through.

I'm going to get back at this. Thanks for the tip T.U. I will gear up for day 4, 5, and so on. I'm going to prepare myself to work through any discomfort/temptation. I've got to do this.

We have several things planned for this weekend (none of which include alcohol) so that will help. Last weekend, we didn't have anything planned, so I think I filled in the gap with thinking the wine would add a little fun. It didn't. It never does anymore...just makes me feel lousy and depressed that I'm right back where I started.