I think this is it
 

I have tried to quit drinking for over a decade now. I can not count how many relapses I have had in my life since I have seriously decided to stop. I have been in and out of AA so many times for the last 14 or so years.
Few months ago I've gotten a sponsor for the first time and started to seriously work the steps. I relapsed on my sponsor 4 or 5 times so far, last time was 10 days ago and it was a disastrous relapse with some irreparable damage.
I have gotten introspective and did some soul searching while hiding at home after this last screw up, figured out what was wrong with my program. I never had a God of my understanding. every time I worked the 3rd step; I really did not believe in what the step stood for as I always been agnostic. This time around I took the time to find and trust the God of my understanding. I reconnected with my sponsor, same sponsor who never gave up on me, and we are starting step one tomorrow all over again. Been sober 11 days now and I pray to God that this time is it.

notincontrol,

I hope this time is it for you also. I know the frustration you are feeling. Give this your best shot. SR has been invaluable in keeping me from drinking. I wish you the very best.

That's awesome...Sounds like you have a great sponsor...When you get to step 3...Use that God of your understanding to help you through the rest of the steps...I pray you get it right this time too...Congrats on 11 days...

PS...I like that username too...That's great...

I am an atheist and i managed to find a 'god'. It was that little voice or feeling that comes in and tells me to do the right thing. It's a great god to have - although I don't really acknowledge it by using the word as I find that a little difficult (yeah I'm a committed atheist)

Good Orderly Direction....I think everybody should have that...

That's all it is...

I've done the revolving door program too notincontrol. I don't think this is it for me though. I KNOW this is it!

You can do it.

God bless.

Good luck on your new path. For me key was surrender and handing over to whatever came.

That is the one thing the big book speaks of, a spiritual program. Finding a God of your understanding--"atheist" or not.
"someone hung that moon, and that someone wasnt you!"

Great work, keep it up.

Let me guess...Your sponsor told you that....LOL...

Thank you all for your responses, I started today step one (again) with my sponsor, we did an in depth step one which will take more than one meeting as opposed to before. It was great.

Glad you're back! I'm starting over with the steps too, after working the first three several times. Several false starts here too ... but we can learn from them and not make the same mistakes again. I'm pulling for you.

I'm glad you're back and that you're continuing to work on your recovery. :)