Not sure what to do... advice appreciated.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6
Not sure what to do... advice appreciated.
So here's the deal, sorry if this is a little long...
I found this site about 4 months ago, and I was really encouraged. I was able to stop drinking for a bit, in fact my first post on here was to encourage another member based on the fact that I was able to be sober. However, now I'm embarrassed to say, I've relapsed. I really want to stop, but unfortunately I have to do it solo.
I work in a career that involves a critical job and medical certification. Don't worry, I have never let my drinking affect my job. In fact, I have never gone to work impaired, I follow my career's "prior to duty" alcohol restrictions and take those restrictions very seriously. However, in my off time I drink a lot. It affects my social life, and it has become something I focus on during my time off. I'm lonely and depressed and my weekends consist of me sitting at home and drinking. This needs to stop...
So why do I think I have to stop solo? Because with my medical certification, if I were to get treatment for this, or depression, I would lose my certification and my job. I'm quite sure this would just make my situation worse. My employer has access to my insurance records, so there would be no hiding it.
I know many people here have found help with AA. However, since AA has a lot of religious context to it and I'm gay, I don't think it would be a good match. If I'm wrong about that, someone please correct me.
My family has their own issues, so I don't want to bug them with this. I don't have a lot of friends (due to drinking,) and the ones I do have live far away, so not a lot of support there.
I'm just at a loss of what my options are. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I need some help, but I don't know what my options are. I don't mean for this to sound like a sob story, but I really just want opinions and advice on what I can do.
I'm 28, alone and need to make some changes. On my own, I'm having a hard time. Any advice anyone can give would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading everyone.
I found this site about 4 months ago, and I was really encouraged. I was able to stop drinking for a bit, in fact my first post on here was to encourage another member based on the fact that I was able to be sober. However, now I'm embarrassed to say, I've relapsed. I really want to stop, but unfortunately I have to do it solo.
I work in a career that involves a critical job and medical certification. Don't worry, I have never let my drinking affect my job. In fact, I have never gone to work impaired, I follow my career's "prior to duty" alcohol restrictions and take those restrictions very seriously. However, in my off time I drink a lot. It affects my social life, and it has become something I focus on during my time off. I'm lonely and depressed and my weekends consist of me sitting at home and drinking. This needs to stop...
So why do I think I have to stop solo? Because with my medical certification, if I were to get treatment for this, or depression, I would lose my certification and my job. I'm quite sure this would just make my situation worse. My employer has access to my insurance records, so there would be no hiding it.
I know many people here have found help with AA. However, since AA has a lot of religious context to it and I'm gay, I don't think it would be a good match. If I'm wrong about that, someone please correct me.
My family has their own issues, so I don't want to bug them with this. I don't have a lot of friends (due to drinking,) and the ones I do have live far away, so not a lot of support there.
I'm just at a loss of what my options are. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I need some help, but I don't know what my options are. I don't mean for this to sound like a sob story, but I really just want opinions and advice on what I can do.
I'm 28, alone and need to make some changes. On my own, I'm having a hard time. Any advice anyone can give would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
AA is a spiritual program, not a religious one. I know several gay and lesbian people who thrive in the program. You form your own conception of a Higher Power.
There are other programs you can read about on this forum that many have had success with as well.
Good luck.
God bless.
There are other programs you can read about on this forum that many have had success with as well.
Good luck.
God bless.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Hey MN, welcome back. Lots of people quit without face to face support and without AA. SR has been a tremendous help to me in my journey. I don't' personally do AA, but I know many that do and what I've heard is almost all positive. You might find a meeting with some jerks in it, but there are intolerant people everywhere, right? If you're feeling too vulnerable, just stick around SR. It's here 24/7 and you don't even have to get out of your pajamas 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I've been around for a while and I've never known of anyone gay having any issues at meetings. I have an entourage of lesbian friends, no idea why , and it's never been a problem. In NY there are lots of gay/lesbian meetings. I know they have them in other areas also. You might want to try them first if you feel uncomfortable otherwise.
Also, as mentioned, the program of AA is bases on spirituality, not religion. One of the slogans at the meeting is "live and let live." There are also plenty of athiest and agnostics in AA, and they get help there too. Don't let your being gay keep you away. I really think it's still the best route for achieving continued sobriety. I am also learning that it's not for everyone, and people do get sober in other ways. I couldn't. Tried countless times.
, and it's never been a problem. In NY there are lots of gay/lesbian meetings. I know they have them in other areas also. You might want to try them first if you feel uncomfortable otherwise.Also, as mentioned, the program of AA is bases on spirituality, not religion. One of the slogans at the meeting is "live and let live." There are also plenty of athiest and agnostics in AA, and they get help there too. Don't let your being gay keep you away. I really think it's still the best route for achieving continued sobriety. I am also learning that it's not for everyone, and people do get sober in other ways. I couldn't. Tried countless times.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Hi mnguy!
I'm so not religious, but I am now spiritual. I find they are different, otherwise the priests and ministers and nuns wouldn't attend AA meetings and work the program (steps) of AA into their lives.
My friend with 18 years found out she happened to be gay (lesbian) after working her 4th step. She had been hiding from herself through her alcoholism.
On the 15th of March, I am going to my other friend's 25th anniversary meeting. She jokingly called it her "Specialty Group" meeting....she also happens to be gay (lesbian).
I'm not sure how the "religious" thing plays with the homosexual thing, though. I just know I have all kinds of friends and we help each other get through LIFE by staying stopped.
I assume this is AA: GLBT In Recovery : Home
History in AA: GLBT In Recovery : GLBT AA History
Look up: aa city state
for meetings in your area. If you choose. There are also other programs of recovery. Whatever you choose, work it like it's a matter of life and death! (for me, it truly is)
Sober fun does exist!
Welcome to SR!
I'm so not religious, but I am now spiritual. I find they are different, otherwise the priests and ministers and nuns wouldn't attend AA meetings and work the program (steps) of AA into their lives.
My friend with 18 years found out she happened to be gay (lesbian) after working her 4th step. She had been hiding from herself through her alcoholism.
On the 15th of March, I am going to my other friend's 25th anniversary meeting. She jokingly called it her "Specialty Group" meeting....she also happens to be gay (lesbian).
I'm not sure how the "religious" thing plays with the homosexual thing, though. I just know I have all kinds of friends and we help each other get through LIFE by staying stopped.
I assume this is AA: GLBT In Recovery : Home
History in AA: GLBT In Recovery : GLBT AA History
Look up: aa city state
for meetings in your area. If you choose. There are also other programs of recovery. Whatever you choose, work it like it's a matter of life and death! (for me, it truly is)
Sober fun does exist!
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
The majority of people that quit drinking do it on their own without the help of any formal program. You can do it too!
I quit about 9 months ago and have used nothing more than this website and many of the books and tools that I've come across on the site. I found the threads on the AVRT method to resonate particularly well for me.
Good luck!
I quit about 9 months ago and have used nothing more than this website and many of the books and tools that I've come across on the site. I found the threads on the AVRT method to resonate particularly well for me.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by mnguy83 
I really want to stop, but unfortunately I have to do it solo.... I'm just at a loss of what my options are. I really don't know what to do.
Completely private, self-directed recovery. No rehab, no shrinks, no meetings, no self-disclosure, no paper trail.
How to get started:
- Google "Crash Course on AVRT" and read through it.
- Get the following book: Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey
- Read the AVRT discussion threads in the secular connections forum.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
In AA i am finding that my Higher Power is my spiritual connection to the world and my own self. I am not religious in the least but i can say God and believe that a God of some kind lives in my soul. I look to my own soul and found that there is something weak and withered there that needs to be nurtured and cared for. My spirit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6
Thank you everyone for the responses. I'm not in the best condition to respond, I think everyone knows what that means. However, I intend to make full use of the resources mentioned here. I need a change, and I'm very grateful for the options you all have presented. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Good luck to you. About 10% of my group is gay, and there's 2 active gay AA fellowships in my town but most people attend wherever is most convenient for them.
The sober guy who took me (straight) through the steps was gay (died of AIDS sober). Never heard what he believed or didn't believe regarding spiritual matters. When he left us I asked his sponsor (straight) for his ongoing help and have used him for a long time. No idea what he believes or doesn't believe either. I asked him once and he wouldn't say.
Taking my cue from them I never discuss that subject either with people. Their conceptions are their business and mine are mine. Occasionally someone ignorant will talk in a meeting about their beliefs but no one listens or cares because it has no bearing on what any of the members have come to believe for themselves.
That's to say your reservations regarding AA are only serving to continue your drinking. Which is fine and common, and you may overcome them at some future point. I'm not suggesting you attend until your drinking forces you to be at least minimally willing to change your prejudices based on the reality you'll see there. Going any earlier than that is a waste of time.
At some point you may decide to go and then be surprised that your previous fears were so wildly incorrect, as is the norm for newcomers. Hope you'll forgive our lack of surprise at your surprise.
The sober guy who took me (straight) through the steps was gay (died of AIDS sober). Never heard what he believed or didn't believe regarding spiritual matters. When he left us I asked his sponsor (straight) for his ongoing help and have used him for a long time. No idea what he believes or doesn't believe either. I asked him once and he wouldn't say.
Taking my cue from them I never discuss that subject either with people. Their conceptions are their business and mine are mine. Occasionally someone ignorant will talk in a meeting about their beliefs but no one listens or cares because it has no bearing on what any of the members have come to believe for themselves.
That's to say your reservations regarding AA are only serving to continue your drinking. Which is fine and common, and you may overcome them at some future point. I'm not suggesting you attend until your drinking forces you to be at least minimally willing to change your prejudices based on the reality you'll see there. Going any earlier than that is a waste of time.
At some point you may decide to go and then be surprised that your previous fears were so wildly incorrect, as is the norm for newcomers. Hope you'll forgive our lack of surprise at your surprise.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by langkah
Good luck to you. About 10% of my group is gay, and there's 2 active gay AA fellowships in my town but most people attend wherever is most convenient for them.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 63
I've done a solid sixth months on my own. It can be done but you will battle so much more with that voice in your head convincing yourself its okay to have a drink if you have nobody to speak to. Stick around here, like yourself I feel like I don't have a friend in the world due to my old lifestyle but found that I have a forum full of friends and well wishers at SF.
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