Im desperate for help
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by suffering0605 
@Laurie, thats a really god idea. I LOVE plants.
@quitforme, Thank you! I know bullimia and alcoholism is a lethal combo. I've landed in the ER before bc of it (thats how i know everytime i go to the hospital, it costs over $5,000) I know alot of people are thinking im crazy for sacrifing my life to save money, but its simply not that at all. I have NOWHERE to go if i lose my apt or my job. My family is not an option. Bullimia is not that cut and dry (im sure you know that with bullimia comes the diet pills and laxative abuse). I plan on telling the Detox center im bullimic, im sure im not the only one that has both issues, and they already know i dont have insurance so hopefully they can gear me into the right direction regarding counseling.
Please try to understand everyone, it is REALLY REALLY scary when you realize you are about to give up all your addictions. I know i need to, bc i will die otherwise. And i do want to, i want the opportunity to have a life. But for the past 13 years, drinking and purging has been my life. I have no hobbies, no activities and no support. I dont even have any friends. Ive been a complete failure at recovery in the past. My urges for alcohol are so intense, its like a demon took over my body. I just run to that liquor store. I dont wanna drink anymore, i HATE alcohol. I dont wanna live and lead the same life as my parents. I realy wanna thank Laurie for pointing out the plants to me, bc i LOVE plants and i would like to grow some. Growing flowers seems like something i would really enjoy.I should pick up a book and learn how to do that
@quitforme, Thank you! I know bullimia and alcoholism is a lethal combo. I've landed in the ER before bc of it (thats how i know everytime i go to the hospital, it costs over $5,000) I know alot of people are thinking im crazy for sacrifing my life to save money, but its simply not that at all. I have NOWHERE to go if i lose my apt or my job. My family is not an option. Bullimia is not that cut and dry (im sure you know that with bullimia comes the diet pills and laxative abuse). I plan on telling the Detox center im bullimic, im sure im not the only one that has both issues, and they already know i dont have insurance so hopefully they can gear me into the right direction regarding counseling.
Please try to understand everyone, it is REALLY REALLY scary when you realize you are about to give up all your addictions. I know i need to, bc i will die otherwise. And i do want to, i want the opportunity to have a life. But for the past 13 years, drinking and purging has been my life. I have no hobbies, no activities and no support. I dont even have any friends. Ive been a complete failure at recovery in the past. My urges for alcohol are so intense, its like a demon took over my body. I just run to that liquor store. I dont wanna drink anymore, i HATE alcohol. I dont wanna live and lead the same life as my parents. I realy wanna thank Laurie for pointing out the plants to me, bc i LOVE plants and i would like to grow some. Growing flowers seems like something i would really enjoy.I should pick up a book and learn how to do that
The urges won't last forever. It will get better. It takes alot of patience and work.
Just hang in there!!
God bless.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Sweetie, we understand the fear. I went into recovery fully intending to give it a try, but was not willing to give up the crack "forever". Luckily, it's been a long, long time since it's even entered my mind and I just go back to how bad my relapse was and my mind distracts me. There have been times I wanted to do something ELSE just to get numb, but I've always come here and am talked back into sanity.
The great thing about SR is there are soooo many of us who do understand, and have been through it. Some are still going through it. You do have friends...we're just on the other end of your computer
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
The great thing about SR is there are soooo many of us who do understand, and have been through it. Some are still going through it. You do have friends...we're just on the other end of your computer
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 90
Thank you Amy, and i truly understand where you are coming from. I know everyone on this forum understand why im scared, but if you guys can do it then i can too. Im really determined to kick the booze, I wish i had a bed available tonight.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 90
@Amy, btw, im a recovering crack addict as well. That habit is really REALLY hard to kick. I got addicted to it while i was in high school, and went to a long term rehab when i was 20 (to bad i didnt think i was an alcoholic at that point, i could of killed 2 birds with 1 stone) Im really REALLY proud of you for seeking help. Crack does really crazy things to you. Atleast with alcohol, you can still function. With crack, thats not a possibility. Ive spent many years, trying to chase that "first hit". I really wish i didnt replace my crack addiction with alcohol. I would of been celebrating my 7th year clean in May. Ughhhh, im such a failure at recovery. My stool has been white for the past few months, i cant sleep a whole night without waking up and drinking, and i have the perment shakes, but i still grab that bottle of vodka and chug it like its water. I cant wait til this madness ends
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 90
thank you soooo much. It means a whole lot to me that you understand my position and support me. I am really excited to get sober. I wish i can do it sooner then Thursday. I just wanna run to the hospital and start detoxing now...i HATE this feeling of needing alcohol to function. I should really stop complaining and start being thankful. This hospital is willing to help me without insurance.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm late in the game here, but wanted to welcome you, suffering0605.... :ghug3
Ironically, one of the reasons I haven't been on the boards for a couple days is because I had a migraine from getting off cigarettes.... trying to break that last addiction, as you say....
It's totally scary, for sure.
We cling to what we know, even if it really doesn't solve any problems for us in the end and only makes things worse. I think you're doing great to start taking steps and letting others help you. As they say "it's always darkest before the dawn"........ better days are ahead!
Ironically, one of the reasons I haven't been on the boards for a couple days is because I had a migraine from getting off cigarettes.... trying to break that last addiction, as you say....
It's totally scary, for sure. We cling to what we know, even if it really doesn't solve any problems for us in the end and only makes things worse. I think you're doing great to start taking steps and letting others help you. As they say "it's always darkest before the dawn"........ better days are ahead!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 90
Thanks! I spoke to someone that detoxed themselves and they said the expierence was not that bad and if i load up on B Vitamins and Thiamine i should be okay. Im gona do that today. If i start feeling bad then ill go to the emergency room.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Good morning, suffering. Just stopped in to check on how you're doing. You sound more than ready to do this thing. I once thought alcohol comforted me and made things easier, but in the end it tore my life to shreds. I'm very excited for you to begin your new life - I'm so glad you reached out for help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Suffering,
I just read your thread. Your posts are very lucid so I presume you are a top up alcoholic.
I agree with you things are very serious. I had never heard of "white stools" before this.
I am having difficulty writing anything, I feel like I am sending an email to someone perched on a window high up in a skyscraper. I want to say the right thing that will turn the person around.
When you get to detox and are out of the danger period of withdrawal think about the
different programs available to stay stopped.
Now with all that is happening and the alcohol in your system it is hard to think about being sober the rest of your life but it has to be that.
You have to believe and take it on faith that you can come to a point where that craving can diminish to such a point that it no longer is an issue.
I am over 9 months sober and my life has turned around. I use AA and this forum to help me stay sober. I can,t make many meetings because of where I live but I read the big book and listen to speakers online.
At this stage in your recovery you can't afford to discount any program of recovery. You should embrace them all as if your life depended on it because it does.
Keep posting
You are not alone
CaiHong
I just read your thread. Your posts are very lucid so I presume you are a top up alcoholic.
I agree with you things are very serious. I had never heard of "white stools" before this.
I am having difficulty writing anything, I feel like I am sending an email to someone perched on a window high up in a skyscraper. I want to say the right thing that will turn the person around.
When you get to detox and are out of the danger period of withdrawal think about the
different programs available to stay stopped.
Now with all that is happening and the alcohol in your system it is hard to think about being sober the rest of your life but it has to be that.
You have to believe and take it on faith that you can come to a point where that craving can diminish to such a point that it no longer is an issue.
I am over 9 months sober and my life has turned around. I use AA and this forum to help me stay sober. I can,t make many meetings because of where I live but I read the big book and listen to speakers online.
At this stage in your recovery you can't afford to discount any program of recovery. You should embrace them all as if your life depended on it because it does.
Keep posting
You are not alone
CaiHong
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