suffering0605

Im not gona stop tryin until i suceed. I want my life back, i miss me. If you all can quit the booze, i can as well. Its hard, but not im possible. Im not gona post again until tomorrow morning bc i dont think its fair that i post while under the influence, i dont wanna trigger anyone. But yes, i received help and im really excited to tackle this

jocata

Suffering, don't stop posting. We'll be here. That's awesome that you can get into a detox center. Take full advantage of it. You can get your life back. Many of us here have. Read and post here as much as you need to. When you get out of detox, we will still be here.

Hang in there.

God bless.

jocata

Try to remember, you posting here is helping all of us as much as it is helping you.

God bless.

Purplecatlover

Amen to what Jocata said. You help us too.
It helps our own sobriety to encourage others.
Post away, that's what it's for. Newcomers looking for help.
We've all been there.
So glad you're so full of hope. Don't give up. You can win this battle. We're behind you 100%

Impurrfect

(((suffering))) - I agree...keep on posting. Tomorrow, when you wake up? Go back and read this thread.

We're like a really big family hear...some of us are still trying to get to recovery, some of us have time in recovery, and you never know about those who are just reading and it may be what YOU'RE posting that encourages them.

I lurked here for 2 years, but kept coming back. It was reading through all the various posts that I first got hope that yes, I could do this recovery thing. I didn't sign on until I was 6 months clean, mainly because I'd never BEEN on a forum, wasn't quite sure how to post or anything else, but I think signing on here was one of the best decisions I've ever made...so you're already ahead of me

Welcome to the family, sweetie

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

suffering0605

I feel so overwhelmed with all this support. I cant believe people are still talking to me. I know i need help for myself, but its really nice having people that understand. Alcoholism is the devil. Im checking myself into detox the second that bed opens up, but in the meantime, i cant quit the alcohol. I must drink everyday to function. Weening myself off or cutting down is just not an option. Once that alcohol hits my throat, i can NOT stop

laurie6781

This sober alkie TOTALLY understands.

I have sent you a private message (pm).

Love and hugs,

Impurrfect

(((Suffering))) - I'll call my stepsister tomorrow. She's in recovery from heroin, but I'm sure she can give me an idea of what's available or a number to call.

Though alcohol wasn't my thing (crack was), I agree with ((Laurie))) - we understand.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Sapling

I had the same thing you had S0605...I called on a Wednesday...They couldn't take me to the following Thursday...This was at a nice rehab I was paying for and detoxing there also...I've never heard of Pre-Detox and they didn't tell me anything about doing that....I kept drinking like I was...Which was pretty much morning to night....And they knew it...I told them. I was drinking in the cab on my way to the place....I was a mess...When I mentioned taking it easy...I was referring to where you mentioned going to the hospital many times for alcohol poisoning...I never did that....I'd hate to see you have to do that one last time. Anyway...Just be safe...It seems like you been doing this long enough to know if you need to call 911...I'm just glad to see you are getting help...And it's never too early to start thinking about what recovery program you want to use when you get out....Take care of yourself.

langkah

'Ive been to multiple rehab centers and AA, it doesnt help. Its not my style and I still need my vodka to function.'

Perhaps a change in your style is called for. Being stylishly drunk and miserable may not be the finest plan over the long years ahead.

Sapling

That's a real good point...Maybe it's time to forget about style...And put the effort into something that can keep you from ever having to drink again...

LoftyIdeals

Good morning, suffering. My hopes and prayers are with you as well. One of the site moderators, Dee74, has before suggested that Salvation Army can help with no cost detox centers. I know nothing more than that, but I am in complete agreement with you and all the others here that you need to seek help for both the alcoholism and bulimia. And, as Impurrfect said, what does it matter if you do have to accrue some debt, so long as you can keep your faculties and/or your life. I was close to a liter a day of vodka, or its equivalent in anything with alcohol in it, just 7 months ago. And I had and have plenty of financial difficulties. Don't let that tail wag the dog. Finances are one part of life, but life itself is the main course.

Get the help you need now, and don't look back at the decision. Its the only way to have a future. Be open minded about solutions. If you are truly as desperate as your first post suggests, you are making a life/death decision, and in such straits, you may not be able to be choosy about what program you undergo. Whatever it turns out to be, pursue it with all your vigor, as if your life depends on it, because it does. We all had to come to those terms.

Good luck, and Godspeed.

suffering0605

@ laurie and Dominica, i received your PM but when i tried to reply i got a message that im not allowed to reply until i have 25 posts and i only have 15. Im gona try to make 10 posts today so i can respond.

@ Laurie(Thats my name too, lol). Thank you very much for your advice. I always have to take 2 shots of vodka when i wake up to stop the shakes. This morning i i only poured the shotglass half way with vodka and then the rest with seltzer. Im terrified of having a seizure, ive had many seizures in the middle of the night bc of the alcohol, and they are very scary. Im soooo excited to go to Detox. This life really sucks. Im not even living, im just slowly dying. I know when i get out of Detox, I can never ever have a drink again. Thats what im worried about. What happens if i give into the temptation. I wont beable to stop and i'll return to this crappy lifestyle of having a shot at 7:30am just to stop shaking. How do you guys get the urges to go away (like if your at a wedding or Holiday party)? Thank God i will be in Detox on St. Ptricks day, i'm Irish and we celebrate St. Patricks day like its New Years

Sapling

I went to AA meetings Laurie...Got a sponsor and kept myself busy enough working the 12 steps I didn't have time to think about drinking...Today I don't think about it at all...Maybe a thought now and then..That's gone quick...You should find some kind of program to keep you busy...One where you have some support....I couldn't do it alone...Doesn't sound like you've had much luck with that either...My prayers are with you...I hope you get it this time...

feeling-good

What an inspirational thread - I wish you nothing but the best Suffering.

suffering0605

I agree my lifestyle needs a change. Theres no way i will be able to come home from work every day and just sit in my apartment. I would drink in a second. I need to prevent that. I need a support system. I need a program. I need my life back.

feeling-good

You know, suffering, I have really *accepted* that I have no control now and therefore am *ready* to do something about it - I am only officially 8 days sober (although I wasn't drinking every day for the few months before that - 'merely' a couple of massive binges a week), but the difference in how I feel is unrecognisable. I now KNOW I am going to live my life - it's truly liberating. You can do this.

2granddaughters

AA has worked for millions, probably would work for you.

Give AA a real try for 90 days and if you don't see an improvement you can pick up right back where you are now.

I know right where you are at. Your original thread title should be "I'm desperate for help ..BUT". When you lose the "BUTS" you will become teachable. Alcoholism will eventually render you helpless and it's a painful hopeless process. You don't have to ride the garbage truck all the way to the dump

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

suffering0605

Thank you! I have no idea how im gona tackle my bullimia problem. Im hoping once im sober i'll have the willpower to not purge.

Jeff63

You will not get better empathy or support from anyone here than what you are getting from impurrfect right now.

One question? Are you still living in that environment? With your parents? If so, sounds like a lot of triggers. Maybe that's the cause of the multi relapse's?

You're trying, that's what's important. You will succeed. You will. Just envision that day when you have been sober for awhile, how normal everything will seem. No anxiety, no pain upon waking, able to look people in the eye and feeling really good about yourself. You can do this.