Tony88

Some of you may know my story..... I was doing pretty good with my drinking living at a buddy's house.

Since I've moved home with my mom and brother not so much. Kinda like my brother has become my arch enemy! We have about got into knock out drag outs over him trying to take my beer.

He's said how ashamed he is to have his brother a drunk! My mom and brother have three dogs which drive me nuts, I'm not a dog fan.

The list goes on but living here has drove me to drink like I once used to and now I've become an angry man! I've broke so much stuff, kicked a door off the hinges in a fit of rage, I smashed some of my moms crystal collection in a fit of rage.

I was working on trying to get on the wagon and get on a straight path but now I fell off and I never got sober!

I was doin good but now I'm more irritable than ever and just looking for a fight. I now have no desire or motivation for anything. I've done some other crazy stuff too.

Where do I stand, what do I do?

eh1988

Stop drinking that's what you do. I can asure you that alcohol is not helping you at all, in fact it's hurting you. You mention that you're more irritable, you have no desire or motivation. I felt that way little over a week ago, now that I'm sober, my views have completely changed. I found myself talking to people I never used to like (when I was drinking). Alcohol messes with your brain whether you want to believe it or not. I used to go from happy to mad over a silly thought, something that didn't even make sense. A lot of things used to irritate me. I remember I used to get pissed off when people would get too close to me when they were talking, not because I'm picky with my personal space, but because I was scared they might smell the beer I was drinking. If you want to give sobriety a try, SR is a great place to do it, there's a tremendous amount of support here.

stillsleeping

Eh is right - if nothing else, keep posting. Do you have to live with your mom and brother? Man, that would drive most people to drink. Lots and lots of drink

What happened with the buddy? Sounds like that was pretty healthy...

Still
xx

Tony88

If I had a switch to turn off my drinking I would... Its not that easy for me.

Tony88

I lost my house.... Long story. I wish I was still at my buddy's house. His girl wanted me out so I'm where I'm at for now.

eh1988

Nobody has a switch, we're all here because we're alcoholics. I used to drink 20+ beers a day, I'd have to go to 2 different liquor stores a day just so the clerks didn't think I had a serious problem. Trust me, it was not easy for me. It still isn't easy for me. I have a long way to go. I don't think anyone here had an easy road to sobriety.

stillsleeping

Not easy for anyone - we wouldn't be on this site if we could just switch it off. Been battling mine for fifteen years and only just beginning to try to do without it. Is hard, man. But it sounds as though you've got a pretty clear trigger you could maybe do without. Can't you find somewhere else to live?

Still
xxx

Sapling

You won't be there long at the rate you're going...Have you thought about getting some help?..Maybe trying an AA meeting?...Where people with problems with alcohol go for help...Maybe some other kind of program...You won't get better doing what you're doing...

stillsleeping

Sorry dude, got this after I'd posted. That is rough.

Dee74

what are you doing for your recovery Tony?

D

Tony88

I went and talked to a lady at an outpatient rehab place, but it seemed like it's a really exspensive AA. Other than talking to her.... Nothing.

Sapling

Why don't you try the cheap AA?...It's free...

jocata

I know what you mean about the anger. I've had my share of destructive rage. They didn't stop until I stopped drinking and drugging and got some help. No situation drives us to drink, we make that decision. I've seen people under enormously stressful situations maintain quality sobriety. There is no switch. It takes hard work and fierce determination to make it happen. Not easy, but well worth it.

God bless.

sugarbear1

You know, tony, all of this can change. It won't take one day, but it will change, if you make it happen. Kansas Alcoholics Anonymous Give them a call before mom kicks you out for the damage you've done....

You CAN stay stopped, I know you can!

DisplacedGRITS

Get to some meetings Tony. Get out. You need to detach youself from your family. I went nuts on my sister about 3 years ago. I bit her leg. Seriously bit her. My family called the cops. I rammed my head into the front door. It wasn't me. I'm normally a nice chick. If i'd gotten to a meeting and been around sane people it wouldn't have happened. Family (God bless 'em) know how to push your buttons. It can be unintentional but they'll do it whether they mean to or not. Get out. Go somewhere safe where you won't feel okay fighting someone. Personally, i couldn't pound on a stranger but i could knock on my sister 'till next Sunday no problem.

Tony88

She won't kick me out, she knows I need help, she offered me my dads AA book. May sound nuts but I'm not sure if I'm ready.

eh1988

How bad does your life have to get before you're ready?

Tony88

Honestly I don't know, truth Is I'm afraid to stop, I can't imagine not drinking.

eh1988

I couldn't imagine not drinking either. Everyone here made a decision that they didn't want to at the time, everyone had that little devil on their shoulder telling them they can't live without alcohol. But that little voice in the back of your head is a liar, it wants nothing but to keep you chained and shackled by the booze.

jocata

I couldn't imagine continuing to drink and drug like I was, or stopping. Terrifying spot to be in. It is not going to get better, I can promise you that. If you go on long enough, it will put you in jail or kill you.

God bless.