Holly7

Wow. that was an experience, I left not knowing what to think. Everyone was really nice, but i guess i thought i would be able to just sit in the back and just listen....but no. When they found out that this was my first ever meeting they all started sharing their stories with me personally. It was very overwhelming. I felt like I wanted to run out of the building. There stories are touching and I can relate to them but It was just totally different to how i expected it to be and not in a good way either. They all said that having me there was a reminder for them as to how scared they were, and while they were saying that i was thinking....well back off then!!There was one guy that arrived late and was laughing at some of the things people were saying, almost like he was mocking them. I was just building up enough courage to speak until i spotted that guy. My husband came with me and now he wants me to go to 90 meetings in 90 days (because most of the others had started with 90 days)and i just wanted to punch him!! I don't want to do that. I didnt sign up for that. It was a massive deal that i went to a meeting tonight and now he wants me to do 90??!!!!

eh1988

Haha, sorry your story made me laugh a little. Definitely brightened up my day a little lol. Well maybe you can try a different AA meeting in another city?

DaveO

Try different meetings, as they are not all arranged the same. (You should not have to speak, if you do not feel like doing so)
Also if you are unable to relax and really let your feelings, and thoughts out with your husband around, then he needs to let you attend your own meetings, and work YOUR program, and not his.

You are the most important when it comes to your program for getting, and staying sober.

Holly7

Glad i could brighten up someones day Maybe ill look into other places. Is this not typical then?

DayTrader

In recovery, ppl laugh. They tave fun. I laugh at ppl sharing all the time but it's not AT them but WITH them. Hearing the stories of what we did.........back then........is funny cuz at the time, that crap made sense.

And hey Holly.... if you do the deal right, you'll never have to sit through your first meeting ever again. phew!

Maybe......maybe that wasn't such a hot meeting though. If all you heard were war-stories i'd be a little bummed. Stories have their place but AA is about RECOVERY from the stuff in those stories.

It took me a while to settle down at meetings......and a bit longer to get comfortable - it was a price I paid because recovery from what was kicking my butt was and is promised/guaranteed if you'll work the program.

Holly7

DaveO they didn't make me speak, They were just all directed their stories at me and reflecting on the first time they went to an AA meeting. I didnt speak because of the tool in the front row that kept shouting out weird comments. It had nothing to do with my husband being there. I will look into different meetings.

Dee74

I'm sorry you felt a little overwhelmed Holly.
Maybe looking at different meetings is a good idea?

D

DaveO

No I understood, but I just wanted to let you know that you should not be preasured into talking until you are comfortable.

eh1988

lol, you are cracking me up!

awuh1

Meetings are all different. The same meeting on different days or a meeting in a different location. If you were a bit uncomfortable with that crowd find a different meeting. They tend to have different groups of people (depending on your location). Dave is correct in my opinion. It's your job to do what needs to be done so the decisions are yours (what meetings how often etc.). If you are going to seek help through AA make every attempt to listen carefully to the suggestions. 90 meetings in 90 days is just a suggestion, but there are reasons for the suggestions. The groups have your best interests at heart, even if things are a bit difficult to understand at first. I got to hand it to you for overcoming your fears and attending.

LDT

I will never disparage anyone that was/is helped by AA. I have friends that were/ are, and even my therapist is a staunch advocate. But AA is not the ONLY route to becoming sober......and it was not mine. I, too, was turned off by the one AA meeting I attended. During the meeting I became so upset with the "drunkalogues" that I left before it was over. I knew it would never be right for ME, no matter how many different groups I attended. So instead I sought therapy. One on one counseling with a substance abuse
counselor was the correct personal choice because I am still sober more than 13 months later. Bottom line is......do whatever it takes and whatever is right for YOU to get and remain sober. The way in which you attain your sobriety is not nearly as important as your sobriety itself. Hope I haven't offended any AA-ers here because you really do have my respect.

Sapling

WOW...Sounds like he got more out of it than you did....Maybe he just wants you to get sober...Who knows?. Nobody told me I had to go to 90 in 90...I heard it as a suggestion in rehab..One of the speakers there actually..I liked the the guy....I also had to stop because I had already trashed my life...Marriage included. I was going to do anything I could to solve my problem...I was a hopeless chronic alcoholic..I couldn't stop on my own...I set my own goal for 180 meetings and going through the steps in 90 days... I managed to do both....I had a sponsor the first week I started...Someone that had done the steps...As done in the Book...Who had a sponsor of his own...I told him what I wanted to do and he guided me...I did the work.
I'm not going to tell you AA is the way you should go...I'll just say....For me it worked...I got everything out of it that book told me I'd get...That book made promises and they came true...But like I said...I worked for them. Did I like every meeting I went to?...No...But I never left one I didn't learn something......I fought this disease of alcoholism all my life....I was going to do everything within my power...And the help of a power greater than myself...To overcome it....I'm coming up on nine months sober right now...My obsession to drink has been lifted...A miracle for me....I've changed the way I live...The way I treat myself and others. After a drinking career that left a path of destruction for 35 years...I finally figured out what life is....And I'm living it in peace. All because I did things...I didn't want to do. I hope you find something...That works..For you.

Sapling

Oh and LDT...You didn't offend me at all...I already had a therapist...I just had to find Him....He was inside me the whole time..

ShaneW

Everyone must take their own path. My first meeting was a little overwhelming as well. Overall it was a good experience and I am sooo glad I went. But they did something similar with after hearing I was 1st timer, they then shared their first experiences and would usually be looking me right in the eye when they did. I was already 12 days sober, and was somewhat ready for it before I got there (in my mind at least), so maybe I had a different experience. Im sure they meant it as a way to show that we are not alone and they welcome us, but it is a little overwhelming.

I do sympathize with the way they direct all attention to the new person...Ive found this happens at the longer established meetings with mostly "old-timers" or people who have years & years of sobriety and many sponsees etc.

At the newer meetings I go to, or meetings with people more my age (Im 33), they dont point the spotlight on the new guy nearly as much. They still make you feel welcome, but more let you come into your own, then try and draw things out of you. Hope that helps, good luck & stick with it, youll be glad you did!

ShaneW

PS - It was also suggested to me to do 90 in 90, by several folks. At first I balked, going to 4 meetings during my first week in AA.

However, I found that I had some struggles the night of the days I took off from meetings during that 1st week. Depressed, lonely, sortve lost. So the next week I bumped it to 6/7 days at meetings. I felt better. Then I got started on the Steps, and now go to 8 meetings a week (2 on Sunday). For me, right now, thats what I need. AFter you meet more people, form friendships it becomes A LOT easier and yes even fun to go.

Purplecatlover

Yeah, my first AA meeting, I felt like fresh meat. They descended on me & told me how horrible their lives were, how theyd lost everything. Told me I was young & could save
myself before it was too late. I was 23.
It was overwhelming. I know there intent was to help me, get through to me, to not make the mistakes they made. And it worked for the most part, scared the s+!t out of me. I only went to a few more.
I was able to quit on my own for 7 yrs.
Then descended back into the abyss for 5 yrs, way worse than the first time.

Each person has to find their own path, what's right for you. Try other meetings, you may meet your next best friend there. Best wishes.

DayTrader

Holly.......If you've got AA questions, concerns, need advice or are having a hard time with finding a good meeting, knowing what to look for in a good vs bad meeting, how to know when to quit going to a group or find a new one, how to pick a homegroup, what to look for in a sponsor...........etc... the best place to ask is the 12-Step section of this forum: Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

There, you'll find more AA experience than I've found at some of the meetings I attend! Those folks in the 12-step are are there to help. A majority of those folks (usually, myself included) tend to limit their posting to just that part of the forum.

silly

Is your husband seeking recovery, too? If not, I hope he's not suggesting that he go with you to the next 90 meetings in 90 days. I understand why he'd go along the first time or two for emotional support but, this is going to be your path, not his.

Holly7

No my husband is not seeking recovery. He was just at the first one for emotional support. I hope my message didn't offend anyone. It was raw and I wrote it the minute I got back from the meeting. Everyone there were so supportive( apart from that one guy). It was just totally overwhelming. I'm going to go back tonight and see if it's any better. If not I'll look after other options. Thanks everyone for your feedback. I truly wasn't trying to offend any AA goers. I think it's a great thing and the success stories I heard were incredible. But like many of you have pointed out its not for everyone.

Sapling

At least it won't be your first meeting...Hope you get something out of it...If not..Try something else...I wasted a lot of time trying to stop on my own...Some people can...Not me. Wish you the best...