yellieee

It feels amazing not to be in constant w/d from my years of pain killer abuse but it is getting harder and harder to fight off the psychological aspect of being in recovery. I have been laying in bed for hours not wanting to go to a store because I know I am only one step away from jumping on the highway and driving an hour home to make this mental torment end. I KNOW that using is not the answer, I KNOW that if I used today tomorrow would be hell, and I KNOW that after the rush of using I will instantly feel horrible about myself yet I can not shake this feeling. I have even noticed that I am trying to rationalize my thoughts with the excuse that the weather is nice. The weather has nothing to do with me using, I used everyday despite the weather, occasion, ect. When I was on subutex it was easier to manage these thoughts but I was not actually recovering. I finally took the step to be fully clean and I am finding it to be a horrible mental game.

Just felt like I needed to get these thoughts off my chest. I know that I should be cleaning, doing laundry, homework, ect but at the moment it took everything in me to just accept that I cannot give into these thoughts.

Thank you for reading, hope everyone is finding a reason to stay sober today

Dee74

Hi yellieee

I found that support was really helpful to me.
There's a lot of support here - and a lot of avenues for support in 'real life' too.

Noone needs to do this alone - it's a hard road - having support can make it a little easier

D

CaiHong

I don.t know if you are on a program of recovery but if not I suggest you find one fast, you have done a great job of getting off the pills now you need help staying off.

All the best CaiHong

macknacat

It was so important for me to get out of my own head- to do that , I had to learn few new behaviors . To learn new behaviors I had to find ppl who were like me and had the experience and compassion to show me what they had done.. For me, those ppl were in the rooms of NA.

16 clean years later - its still what I do...

freshstart57

Getting out of your head was the idea that worked for me. I found a way to separate my thinking from my desire to drink so that I left that desire alone. I couldn't stop that urge or argue with it, I just let it be, all by itself. I have all sorts of thoughts and urges that I don't act on, and I added picking up to that list. Trying to get involved with other people and their journeys, like we do here on SR, helped me immensely. I hope that you can find your way too.

sugarbear1

Try being your own parent. Remember being told to do something when you were young that you didn't want to do, but had, just had to do? Start with one load of laundry and focus on everything for that one single task at hand.....focus, it takes practice....look at the laundry soap, the laundry, take your time... maybe focusing on one and only one task will get you to another place.....

You can do this!