How to tell a close friend...?
 

Day 38. So I went to dinner with one of my best friends last night. Been friends for 20 years, I was his best man. He knew I was a drinker, because even though he never really drank he hung out with us when we partied (college & after). I havent told really anyone besides a relative, my doctor, and people in AA how bad my alcoholism had gotten. How I was a daily drinker, who drank in secret at home alone. Ive told a handful of people that I have now quit drinking, without going into the long story, just for health/money reasons.

When planning where to go, he asked if I wanted to go somewhere with a bar to get beers with dinner. I said NO, anywhere would be fine and that I had quit drinking. It was also hard to plan because I go to meetings every night, and I dont want to lie to my friend, but he began to call me "sketchy" in a good-natured way for always being busy at night without giving a reason. Anyways, I told him I would tell him whats up with my sketchiness when the time is right & for him not to worry, that its a positive thing. I told him to keep all this stuff close to the vest & that we'd grab dinner again soon.

Now, how to go about telling the whole story...because I want to to this friend...but I dont want to jeopardize my sobriety by bringing too many people into the circle of trust. ya know? He may put 2 & 2 together (quit drinking + busy most nights) but how did you guys tell that trusted friend?

Friends are called friends because they are friends
Many years ago, one of my best friends stopped drinking, he said he was AA.
Immediately everyone supported him, never offered him a drink, nor invited him to the pub
Never thought less of him
I am now in that same position, those people I call friends do the same for me

I would tell him it wasn't working for me any more...That I wanted to address it before it got completely out of hand...I told this to one of my best friends and the smile on his face said it all...Then I knew what kind of friend I had...

Most of my trusted friends knew anyway, so I haven't faced this much but well I did I was honest.

I don't have a problem telling people I know well.

Other people is a need to know basis.

I think it's your call when to tell this guy and when Shane. All you really have to do is say I don;t drink anymore - how much more you say is up to you.

D

I agree with Dee on this as it's something that I'm certainly dealing with at the moment. I've stayed away from telling co-workers... even if I like them. A lot of them can probably tell anyway. I have a couple close friends that I've told and they're supportive as always (lucky). I've told my mother and step father but they just don't get it... they say it's a good thing but since they both drink I think they are slightly threatened by it. I've noticed that with a lot of people (including myself) that when others quit drinking or quit smoking or start exercising a lot it can be a threat in our minds because it's something we know that we probably should do. It just goes to show how insidious this thing really is...

I love my parents and I pray they never have to go through this. When I told them about my problems with alcohol and the desire to quit I did it for MYSELF not for them though. At the end of the day it's just me and my higher power and I do find some solace in that.

This is what is sortve in back of my mind. Not only with this friend, but with family members that dont know yet. (nearly every branch of my family tree sprouts alcoholic leaves) While this particular friend never really drank, he is part of my old crew of roughly 11 guys from college. We are all still close friends, even though we are now spread out all over the world. By telling this friend, I know I will (for me) want to tell the whole old crew. I love those guys, but Im not sure how some of them will react. I fear some will be threatened to find out someone they considered brother is an alcoholic...cause they will then have to examine themselves possibly. Im sure I am overthinking it and they will support me as usual, but...

We had a 12th buddy, who was forced through his job to get sober back around 2002, and he went all in with AA. He basically cut off contact with any college friends. Which I understand NOW is important to some people in recovery. But AT THAT TIME some of us wondered amongst ourselves whether he was just coerced/brainwashed into joining AA by his work & parents, which I now KNOW was just us drinkers not wanting to face the fact that if our close friend was officially an alcoholic, then maybe we were as well.

Wouldn't that be nice...You could be saving somebody's life and not even know it...

I just gave my esh in the Everyone Outside of AA Drinks thread. So please allow myself to quote myself lol Take Care Shayne

P.S. I should add that being brutally honest with some friends that were not getting it helped a lot (almost wish I had done it sooner). Once I laid it out clearly so there was no room for - you don't have a problem - friends either got it & embraced it or got it & carried on with their thing (and drinking). It sorts itself out if you let it ;-)

When I told a few friends I was not drinking for health reasons, 2 specifically, were quite nice and still incude me. Both are very light drinkers, and would not neccesarily always get a drink anyway, if we went out. So, one, specifically, is good about calling to go for a walk, or a movie, not always dinner(I am also trying to lose/watch my weight), and supportive of better health. But, she is so busy, I hardly can see her. Once every few months.

Another is also very busy, but changing my drinking has not changed us. Well, i do wonder if she is getting folks together for drinks, if she excludes me because i would be tempted or since i do not drink, I might not go. I actually can go and have a cappucino, or soft drink, and enjoy a ladies' night out. My trigger is at home, evenings, with dh drinking.

But I have not said to anyone I am an alcoholic and have "quit" drinking. And I am not 100%successful at it either. While I have sober stretches, I have relapsed as well.

Telling people does help to remain sober, because then you know, they know you are not drinking. At best, it makes me more accoutable and I will not drink around people I have told.

rochele

Relax. Talk with your sponsor, the person who knows you well enough by now....pray on it and meditate. You'll know when the time is right and the words to say. Like Sapling mentioned, you might be helping someone else!