StPeteGrad

Anna basically explained how I managed my first year of recovery as well.

I can be around people who drink - such as a cocktail with dinner and the like. But I have not spent any time around people who are playing drinking games - and that has been by deliberate choice. You may not realize it, but drinking games are cause for alcohol abuse- drinking with the intention of getting drunk. That is clearly something that is not in line with my lifestyle of sobriety.

If long term sobriety is your goal, always have a backup plan. Even in the case you find yourself in a ski lodge or condo with a group of people it's ok to politely excuse yourself from being around alcoholic indulgence in whatever form that may be. You can read a book in another room, play games on Facebook if you have a laptop (gee- I wonder what my deal is?lol) or a bunch of other activities without being a stick in the mud. We often worry about what others think or that they will be uncomfortable about us not drinking. Believe me, since I was one that was always in the middle of the drinking games I was oblivious of what was going on around me beyond the liquor in front of me. I've since learned that there are normally others that don't play and/or quit playing very soon that I can find something to talk about or do (I was at a work related Christmas party that unexpectedly digressed to this some time back).

However, if the point of the trip is absolute alcoholic debauchery - in my case it was an invite to a good friend's bachelor party recently - I just have to decline without any drama or lengthy excuse. To me, declining means not being present - it does not mean showing up for a while or being designated driver or party cook or handyman or errand boy or onsite babysitter or kegboy. It means that I'm physically not present while others engage in alcohol abuse. Obviously we each need to discern these situations for ourselves and make our own decisions.

My recovery is the most important thing in my life. It's not a part time deal or something I do when I feel like it or only when it's convenient. Sober living, to me, is just that - doing the best I can to make sure I live in a manner that is congruent with my desire to finish each day sober. I can honestly say that I do not have cravings or desires to drink anymore. Maybe it's the way I live, or maybe it's just me, but I'm incredibly grateful I don't have to drink anymore. My life is incredibly rich and full - and I haven't missed out on a thing that matters to me because of sobriety.

I hope you continue to have a good journey in sobriety and are able to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Four monts is really awesome and you obviously had to work hard to get there. Nice job.
-SPG

SoberMan2012

I have found that for me I relapse every time i go around people drinking. I wonder somtimes if I need to work on codependent issues as i work on staying sober. This is not an easy journey we are on for sure.

lillyknitting

What Dee said is right. You haven't been sober for that long I take it, so therefore putting yourself in dangerous places is very foolhardy. Why would you want to do this to yourself. By the sounds of it your boyfriend and some other mates, etc drink a lot, getting drunk quite a bit on the ski-ing trip etc. For me I would rather stay in with my pets than the horror of getting drunk again. Bars, pubs, clubs etc leave me cold now I don't drink. I realized that I have to totally change in order to lead a sober life, the bars, the drinking buddies, they all have to go. You can meet them for coffee or go do activities that don't involve drinking. I go to classical concerts all the time with my cousin without alcohol for example. Good luck x

Pigtails

Thank you for the inspiration. I suppose it's not a huge loss to "miss out" on drinking events for the sake of overall sustained recovery and happiness. I appreciate the advice!

Pigtails

I too am realizing I have co-dependency issues. I worry too much about what other people think, about whether other people are having a good time... it comes from some old pattern of being "the life of the party" and I always felt complimented when people said they knew they'd always have a good time with me and I was fun to hang out with etc. Now I'm realizing my own health and happiness is more important, but old habits still linger. To complicate everything, I met my boyfriend when I was in my old party stage, and he was too, and now I've changed so much and he hasn't (although he has changed some and expresses a desire to change more). I struggle with how to deal with this a lot.

Anna

Pigtails, you might want to read "The Merry Recluse" by Caroline Knapp. She also wrote 'Drinking: A Love Story'. She wrote The Merry Recluse when she began her recovery and got a dog called Lucille. It's full of wisdom and uplifting.

Pigtails

Thanks! I loved "Drinking" and I didn't know she wrote that book too. Can't wait to read it!