Want to quit drinking, scared
 

Hi,

I'm 22 and a senior in college at a big party school. I started drinking when I was like 13 and as Ive gotten older blackouts and hangovers have become worse and routine. For the past year or so ive been working on drinking less and trying to be more of a "normal drinker" with varying success. Something always eventually goes wrong though and it doesnt talk long.

I've said many times before that I was going to stop drinking and then after a few days or a week I would feel better and decide it was okay again, but after that even if nothing BAD happened I would still feel sad that i drank the day after.

I'm scared because i dont trust myself when im drunk and ive done things that have put my relationship at risk. the man im with is very important to me and i feel he is the one, but im afraid i will do something to lose him. he is great and very understanding but everyone has their limits, plus i dont want to feel bad about my role in the relationship even if he could forgive infinitely or take the pain. i dont like who i am when i drink but i feel like i want to fit in so i do. i often hate myself for the things ive done when drunk, and not just in the context of my relationship, this has been going on for years before i even met him.

im afraid i cant do it and im afraid i can fail. i also have a hard time at home with my parents because my family is big on wine, everyday, so when i dont drink wine with them at dinner i feel like something is wrong with me, but often times a glass or two with dinner turns into me being drunk, acting shamefully, and being hungover the next day. this has been true since i was a freshman or sophomore in college with an almost 100% rate of bad things happening when i drink.

its also hard being at college and in that environment without drinking, especially since my school is in a rural area and although it is a large state school, offers little to do at night without drinking.

can someone please help me? i am so scared and ashamed and i really want to change my life for the better. the idea of not drinking and feeling healthier both physically and mentally excites me, but im afraid i will let myself down again. how do i make this time different!?

thank you!

Like me, you're new here. Look around at some of these threads and while you do that, you'll obtain some great advice and links I'm sure. I know I did. In the mean time, looking at what you said and given we're in the same boat currently (atleast in a similar boat), this thought crossed my mind while I read your first post.

You're here right? I mean, you're on this site and you're activly participating in looking for ways and tips to get it under control. To me, even though at times I view it as a small victory, that in itself is a victory. You should consider that a positive IMO. The focus now should be on how to keep you interested, and then committed to quiting.

1. Early stages of being interested - <check>

Next...

Welcome. Quitting is a big step, but quitting shouldn't be a scary as what is going to happen, eventually, if you don't.

If you are at a large state school, there is probably counseling available for students. Colleges are aware of problem drinking and have programs in place to deal with the issue.

As far as what to do at night, study. Go to the library and see what the other people who don't drink are doing. Strike up a friendship or two with people who have prioritized school ahead of getting drunk.

Good luck.

Welcome,

I think it's always very scary when we stand on the brink of recovery. I was used to failing as I had done that for a long time. It actually felt comfortable. I knew what to expect. But, succeeding - that was a scary thought. Where would it take me? I had no idea. But, I was a mess emotionally, physically and spiritually so I had to take that leap of faith. And, I can tell you that the recovery journey is exciting, not always perfect, but worth the effort.

You can stop drinking and you can choose to not start again. We are here to offer support. :)

:welcome I agree with finding what programs are in place at your school for quitting drinking. That kind of lifestyle will kill you, but not before wrecking your life. I wish you the best. This site has helped me stay sober for over two years now.:) You can do it too.:hug:

Have you gone to AA meetings?

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Welcome to SR laura :)

I was big people pleaser - but in the end I had to get my priorities right - if drinking is making me sad, or pushing the people I love away, or putting in me danger, or making me sick - then my main priority needs to be not drinking.

Try not to drive yourself mad with scenarios - stick to the basics for now.

Everything else will fall into place behind that :)

D

Welcome Laura!

I (and pretty much everyone else here) drank the same way..... once we started drinking, it was hard to predict where we'd end up or how much we'd drink. I could only stop after one or two when there was social pressure.

I'm glad you're here and talking about it - it's not an easy thing to do. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get sober either (scared - oh yeah), but with the support here I finally took the plunge and am so glad I did.

We're here for you!

I know you feel—it is so scary to realize you've somehow reached that dark place, and yet also really scary to imagine going without alcohol.

But here's the thing: you have nothing to fear when it comes to recovery. You will not be judged, at least not by people who have gone through it themselves. In fact, taking action is something you can be proud to be doing, especially at such a young age. And life without alcohol is great. It's more satisfying, more enjoyable than ever—and a whole lot simpler. Who knew, right?

It's great you're reaching out. You'll be glad you did, trust me. :)