No desire to be a normal drinker, anyone else?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 155
No desire to be a normal drinker, anyone else?
After being sober for over three months, I have come to realize that I don't even want to be a normal or social drinker. As a former binge drinker, I always tried to control how much I could drink but it never worked. 3 beers was the magic number I tried to get after. I could never do that.
I am not jealous of people who are normal drinkers. Even if I could be a normal drinker, I am rather happy being a teetotaler. I think this is what is different about this time compared to my previous attempts at controlling my alcohol/quitting. Now, I am perfectly fine with being true to myself and being abstinent rather than trying to fit in with normal drinkers.
The calm of not having to worry about alcohol related problems in my life has been so worth the effort of giving up alcohol. Sure there are good days and bad days but that's life. Do not give up and be patient with your sobriety.
Has anyone else reached a point where you think complete sobriety is a better way of life than normal drinking (assuming you could do this)? Am I being arrogant for thinking this?
I am not jealous of people who are normal drinkers. Even if I could be a normal drinker, I am rather happy being a teetotaler. I think this is what is different about this time compared to my previous attempts at controlling my alcohol/quitting. Now, I am perfectly fine with being true to myself and being abstinent rather than trying to fit in with normal drinkers.
The calm of not having to worry about alcohol related problems in my life has been so worth the effort of giving up alcohol. Sure there are good days and bad days but that's life. Do not give up and be patient with your sobriety.
Has anyone else reached a point where you think complete sobriety is a better way of life than normal drinking (assuming you could do this)? Am I being arrogant for thinking this?
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Mainza 
Has anyone else reached a point where you think complete sobriety is a better way of life than normal drinking
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2
I think I am reaching the same conclusion. I am only 7 days sober, but that is longer than anytime in the past 5 years. I'm not thinking that this is temporary or that I will go back to 2 - 3 drinks at a time. I hope it's not arrogant, because I agree with you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
I'm still a drunk but I don't want to be a drinker. I'm seeing that I will always be a drunk. I think the idea of a "normal" drinker is an oxymoron... considering that even "normal" drinkers completely change when they drink. Perhaps some change less than others but I don't think I've ever met someone that is the same drunk or sober. I wanted to be a "normal" drinker for a long time but now that I see what it really is -- it's not for me. For people out there that can drink and still function in their lives... well god bless them but that's most certainly NOT me. I want to find the things that I've missed because of alcohol... especially since I won't live forever. I hope that you do as well friend!!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Mainza
After being sober for over three months, I have come to realize that I don't even want to be a normal or social drinker.
It totally sucked! 3 beers over....oh.....two hours or so.
I didn't know those beers would be my last. (I had hoped to go out with a bang......a big 'ol bender with all my favorites for one last run).
That experience wasn't a deep low like many ppl have before they get sober. What it was.....though......was a lesson: I don't EVER want to be a social drinker. It's just not any fun......at all. It's like sex without the climax....or watching a movie and leaving 10 min before it's over......or buying a lottery ticket, seeing you have 3 of the 5 numbers then throwing the ticket away without checking the last 2 #'s.....
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
This is an amazing thread, it's exactly how I feel, complete sobriety is the only way for me. I'm not a "normal" drinker, even though i have tried to be many years, it has caused me no end of grief in my life and I have chased the "dream" over and over. Alcohol in the west is surrounded by hype, fantasy, lies, but more than anything it is a money making industry and I fell for the con trick hook, line and sinker. To be sober is freedom, ultimate freedom, life ain't always good but it's better than being so sick I wanna die.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Can't see the point in normal drinking. I was thinking today I do not miss the restlessness and that inner "burning" of needing / wanting more. Trying to hold back in important social occasions was a real pain. No wonder I was on my way to being a hermit.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I was in a hospital in a medical detox for 3 days ( by choice ). When I was there I was thinking I would just dry out, get out, and moderate. I had no intention of completely quitting drinking. 4 days after getting home, I was doing the most mundane household chore, when out of the blue the thought hit me.....I'm not going to moderate. I'm going to quit. Completely. Moderation requires too much thought and effort for me. I firmly believe nothing good for anyone ( including "normies" ) happens after 2 drinks, and 2 drinks just never "did it" for me. So I told my husband and kids that it was OVER!! That was 13 months and 6 days ago. LIFE IS GOOD!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: nottingham
Posts: 8
im very inspired by you all... im still in serious problem zone and my alcohol support worker has just been this morning and told me when i come out of detox i wont be able to drink and the first thing i thought was what about the familly bbq and an odd eve meal out... but in my heart of hearts i know its the only way forward for me. just need to re educate my brain to the fact.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
What a neat thread and realization. Thank you for all the shares.
I don't drink. So much easier for me. I believe that alcohol is completely optional.
Lillyknitter, I agree that alcohol marketing is a money-making fantasy con. I like how you put it.
Now that I have the hang of being a non-drinker I want to start using all my beautiful glassware again this spring. It was easier for the last year to just not think about them because they were connected with alcohol in my mind. Now they are pretty light-reflecting vessels that could hold beautiful sorbets or fizzy fruit drinks.
I like hearing stories like DayTrader's about "pacing" because it reminds me how I used to "keep track of" mine and everyone else's drinking too.
I don't drink. So much easier for me. I believe that alcohol is completely optional.
Lillyknitter, I agree that alcohol marketing is a money-making fantasy con. I like how you put it.
Now that I have the hang of being a non-drinker I want to start using all my beautiful glassware again this spring. It was easier for the last year to just not think about them because they were connected with alcohol in my mind. Now they are pretty light-reflecting vessels that could hold beautiful sorbets or fizzy fruit drinks.
I like hearing stories like DayTrader's about "pacing" because it reminds me how I used to "keep track of" mine and everyone else's drinking too.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Marysville, Ohio
Posts: 310
From AA Big Book
Chapter 3 - More About Alcoholism
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
The thought of somehow making me a normal drinker is absurd. I never wanted to drink normally. I always drank to get drunk
Chapter 3 - More About Alcoholism
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
The thought of somehow making me a normal drinker is absurd. I never wanted to drink normally. I always drank to get drunk
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
I think it's great that you're at that point!! Honestly, I'm not quite there yet. For me what happens is that I'll be in a restaurant or something seeing people sip their drinks and I do still feel that flash of envy. Then I go home sober, wake up the next morning, and feel incredibly proud that I didn't drink. So I'd say I'm getting there... 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 181
I don't understand normal drinking. Never have never will.
Why in the world would I (or anyone?) want to drink a small amount of disgusting liquid and maybe just get tired for an hour or so? I just cannot understand it! I drank for the reward of oblivion. Alcohol tastes effin disgusting, I'm not drinking it if I'm not getting smashed for my efforts!!!
I suppose that just shows the difference between norm-ies and me-ies.
Why in the world would I (or anyone?) want to drink a small amount of disgusting liquid and maybe just get tired for an hour or so? I just cannot understand it! I drank for the reward of oblivion. Alcohol tastes effin disgusting, I'm not drinking it if I'm not getting smashed for my efforts!!!
I suppose that just shows the difference between norm-ies and me-ies.
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
One thing I would like to ask: What is a "normal drinker"?
I have seen many,many many people drink themselves drunk, some more drunk than others. People trying to moderate their drinks because they have to drive or get up for work in the morning. I've seen people get the "flavor". I know people who HAVE to have a drink at a certain time of day, and have done this for years. I know people who spend hundreds in the pub monthly, never mind they have family/children who need the money more. I've heard people say "never again, ever" . Are they also bodily and mentally different from the "others" ? Are they also alcoholic, if so, there are an awful lot of alcoholics. Or, am I the same as them???
I have seen many,many many people drink themselves drunk, some more drunk than others. People trying to moderate their drinks because they have to drive or get up for work in the morning. I've seen people get the "flavor". I know people who HAVE to have a drink at a certain time of day, and have done this for years. I know people who spend hundreds in the pub monthly, never mind they have family/children who need the money more. I've heard people say "never again, ever" . Are they also bodily and mentally different from the "others" ? Are they also alcoholic, if so, there are an awful lot of alcoholics. Or, am I the same as them???
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