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Old 03-01-2012, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by desertsong View Post
TU, you are right. Point taken.

Sapling ... will do what you suggested. I think part of my problem has been the "dread" of doing Step 4. Everyone says that's the hardest part, but after they finish they feel a sense of freedom that they've never felt before. I guess I should just do it and get it over with. No sense living in fear of it every day.
Kind of like the fear you had walking into your first meeting...All for nothing...It's not hard...Be fearless and completely honest....Ask god to make you willing...give you strength and give you honesty...You made your decision on step three....Use it on step four....It's in the directions.
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Old 03-01-2012, 03:50 PM
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Just a slightly different take on what has been quoted I like.

It has been ascribed to the Japanese, as a proverb.

"fall down seven times, get up eight" .

Rex
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Old 03-01-2012, 03:52 PM
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PCL ... you knew exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for that. Matter of fact, as I was praying this morning, I was telling God that I KNEW he was bigger than any problem I faced and that all things were possible through him. You know the saying ... "Don't tell God how big your problems are ... tell your problems how big your God is."

Sapling ... I think I'm going to have to get a new sponsor. She doesn't always answer her phone and by the time she finally calls me back, I'm already off the ledge. She's a good person and I love her, but I think I need someone with more sobriety (she has 2 years). Time to really look at this stuff.
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Old 03-01-2012, 03:56 PM
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Have you made powerlessness and unmanageability lists? That really helped me. Seeing it all on paper is cleansing.
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Old 03-01-2012, 03:57 PM
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You can start doing step 4 on your own DS...You can also get a new sponsor...I've seen too many people come in and out of AA doing 1-2-3 and out 1-2-3 and out....Hate to see you be one of them...They do it for years..If it was me...I'd be writing right now...That's how I did it.
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Old 03-01-2012, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted by desertsong View Post
TU, you are right. Point taken.
I hope it is implicit that I don't believe people need more drinks to get them sober, either. Your Addictive Voice can and will readily twist that "I needed every drink I took to get sober" slogan into a ready-made excuse to keep drinking.

For my overall take on things, please see my signature line.
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:00 PM
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Elisabeth, yes. I did that awhile ago but it would probably be a really good thing to go back and read them again. It was an agonizing process but really woke me up. Good suggestion to go back and revisit them.

Sapling ... I think that is a great idea. My sponsor is currently taking me through an intensive study of the BB so for the timebeing my step work has been put on hold. I'm not sure that is a good thing. I feel like I'm stagnating. I want to do Step 4 and feel ready but she is telling me not to do it yet. Confusing, for sure. If I'm ready, and I want to do it, I should do it, yes?
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:01 PM
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If my sponsor tried to slow me down on the steps...He'd be gone...
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:02 PM
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Steps 4 & 5 is where I learned my patterns of behavior. The relief and freedom I felt is priceless. This is the turning point of what steps 1, 2 & 3 meant to me and how they were working for me. This was and is my journey, with the guidance of my sponsor. No more irrational fear. No more anxiety, no more social phobia (okay, talking in front of a large group can still intimidate me, but I am working on this), I am okay in my own skin for the first time in my life. This was my experience. No cravings since this first time through the steps. Yes, step 3 is alive in my life. I've been through this process 3 times in 9 months and looking forward to working it once more in a few months. Again, my experience and journey.

You are exactly where you need to be at this moment in time. I'm glad you started again today.
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Terminally Unique View Post
I hope it is implicit that I don't believe people need more drinks to get them sober, either. Your Addictive Voice can and will readily twist that "I needed every drink I took to get sober" slogan into a ready-made excuse to keep drinking.

For my overall take on things, please see my signature line.
Wow. I obviously hadn't thought of it that way. Definitely something to consider. I'm recognizing the power of that AV every day now and up until last night, I could ignore it. But of course, it told me last night that I was under stress, that I'd been "good" for awhile, and that I needed the relief .... that tomorrow I could get back on the wagon. Such BS. But I still caved. It's all starting to click ...
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted by desertsong View Post
... [the AV] told me last night that I was under stress, that I'd been "good" for awhile, and that I needed the relief ...
Watch out for words like 'relief', 'cope', and 'deal' in your vocabulary. I'm sure you know by know where that kind of thinking usually leads. If you hear that sort of stuff, consider it an early warning.
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:11 PM
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What do you think Sugarbear...Should she start working on step 4 and get a new sponsor? Even if that new sponsor wants to start again at step 1...At least she has started on step 4...Done as in the book.
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:16 PM
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Makes perfect sense, TU. Thank you. Those kind of words always give me an excuse. Not that I need one sometimes, but they help.

Sapling/Sugarbear, would appreciate your thoughts on this. I'm not sure this is the best thing for me ... I have done steps 1-3 and am ready for 4, but she decided that since I "slipped" a couple of weeks ago, I should start over with the BB. I don't think that's really what I need right now ... if I'm not moving forward, I'm going backward.
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:22 PM
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I would say start writing...I didnt do steps 1-3 with my sponsor...I told my sponsor I had done them and I was ready for inventory...He told me to do the third step prayer..Which I did...And get to work..If I had questions..I asked him..I didn't have many...I followed the book and did my fifth step with him....I didn't want to sit around and wait till I went back out...And I didn't.
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:31 PM
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That's where I am right now, Sapling. I feel like I'm just sitting around and waiting ... guess I will move ahead without her and just do it. If I don't keep moving, I'm going to go back out. And I did. Time to get back to work.
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Old 03-01-2012, 05:16 PM
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Desertsong, like everyone has said there is no giving up on you!! We are here for each other. **{hugs to you}} Now get back on that horse! (couldn't find horse smiley..lol)
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Old 03-01-2012, 05:43 PM
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Whatever you're going to do, desertsong, I would say do it sooner rather than later. Your addiction will feed on passivity and procrastination as if it were high-octane rocket fuel.
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Terminally Unique View Post
Whatever you're going to do, desertsong, I would say do it sooner rather than later. Your addiction will feed on passivity and procrastination as if it were high-octane rocket fuel.
I've seen more people go back out from not doing this fourth step than any other reason...I have one guy in my HG that's been in and out for 10 years...I asked him what was the problem he was having after a meeting...He told me he couldn't do his fourth step...Procrastination?....Is that a form of of fear?...I guess it could be. Could be he's constitutionally incapable of being honest with himself...All I know...He's out drinking somewhere now.
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Old 03-01-2012, 07:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
I have one guy in my HG that's been in and out for 10 years...
I've seen the in-and-out revolving door cycle many times myself. At the last meeting I went to there was a woman with 29 years in the rooms, and she had recently gotten 30 days for the first time in lord-knows-how-long. But, she had just relapsed, and was starting her 90 meetings in 90 days yet again. That wasn't the shocking part, though. Rather, it was that people actually clapped.
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Old 03-01-2012, 08:18 PM
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Desert....

I read all your posts in this thread and something hit me toward the end...and it was from one of your earlier posts. The whole "call my sponsor, call others in AA, etc etc......BEFORE you picked up a drink" has me thinking

Expecting yourself to pick up that 1000lb phone at the moment of truth when you reeeeeally need to...that's a position I personally don't want to be in. I can't say...maybe I'd pick that phone up and call or maybe I wouldn't. What I DO do though, is make damn sure I'm doing everything possible to ensure I'm never in that position. I work pretty darn hard on my sobriety when things are just fine....to make sure I stay in "fit spiritual condition." The better condition I'm in, the lower the odds that something's gonna knock me for a loop.

I heard an open talk during my first 6 months or so. The speaker talked about alcoholism like lions on the plains in the Serengeti....stalking the recovering alcoholics. The trick is to be in the CENTER of the pack....cuz it's the stragglers who get taken down. That story's been a good reminder to me to watch out for complacency, even when things are going well and everything's A-OK. It's also a good reminder to me to really DIG INTO the recovery process and make it priority #1.

That you had a stumble isn't indicative of not picking up that phone at the moment of truth but rather, that you were likely missing something along the way, prior to those last few minutes. Use it as a learning experience. You now have some additional knowledge about yourself - that you probably shouldn't rely upon the willingness to make that call when you're on the edge. You can go onward now knowing that you need to step your game up.

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