Sapling

Give it a little time Dointhis...You didn't get hooked on alcohol overnight either...It will work...If you let it. Get a sponsor and let them show you how it works...

instant

As long as you learn you will get there. Try not to make the same mistakes twice.

Saliena

Kallum -- Early soberity is a very, very hard thing. For the first year and a half that I went to AA I would get 15 days under me... and I would go out.. someone would off me a drink... and low and behold ... I would drink!

It wasn't until I started getting serious about my relationship with myself, and I started working a true program (for me it was AA), and honestly found the desire to stop drinking and not just the desire to drink without consquences... THEN is when I learned what it was to never want to drink again!

I just picked up my 90 day chip yesterday. And, you know what was really awesome? I no longer have a desire to drink. For some reason.. it is just GONE... I mean I honestly can go to a bar, I can go to a birthday, I can go anywhere I want... and I no longer want to drink. For that I am really grateful!

Saliena

Sapling

That's a great post....You should have started your own thread....Congrats on 90 days and sticking around till the miracle happened. That is really awesome.

flamingredhair

I too, have been struggling. Hang in there. It IS hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be.

gaffo

In the first few days/weeks I found it very useful to take it "one hour/day at a time" and count my days. Knowing that if I slipped I would have to go back to day one was a huge incentive for me. "One day at a time" more than a lame old cliche, it is a very useful tool. It gets easier fast, if you can just not drink. If you must go to bars then you will eventually be able to do so but if your experience is anything like mine you won't even want to!

Healthyfood

I went to the bar too, ordered water. One glass of anything else will lead to day1. I don't want that!

Peter G

Considering the circumstances Kallum, this thread title is epic. Let me explain why...

This 'quitting drinking' thing is hard, yes. No doubt. But you were nowhere near the hard part.

Times when quitting is hard:

- when you're 30 miles away from the nearest bar or liquor store, chained to a Big Book, spending every waking moment learning about what destruction drinking can cause an alcoholic - yet you still want a drink so bad your insides are on fire.

- when you're sitting at your DUI sentencing, knowing you've just caused about 100,000 USD in property damage, almost killing a family of 4 and might see yourself in jail for years - yet you still want a drink so bad it's making your eyeballs itch and your stomach knot up.

- when you're looking around at a life you've burned to the ground, suddenly realizing you haven't one dime left to your name or anyone left who cares enough to help you from becoming homeless come the first of next month, and despite all that the only thing running through your mind is taking a large pull from a big glass of vodka.

Yep, that is when this 'quitting drinking' thing can get hard.

However, if you're using your own two legs and of your own free will walking into a bar not even 2 weeks sober, failing to remain sober is not hard at all, it is simply TO BE EXPECTED.

Let's put all this in some much needed perspective, can we Kallum? If your life issue is a nagging propensity to get bitten by sharks, shouldn't you take snorkeling, scuba diving, and perhaps surfing of your "to do" list, at least for a little while?

Symmetry

I can sit at a bar or go to a backyard party and have no desire to drink. If there's alcohol in the fridge and I'm the only one home... Well then I guess I'll take the opportunity to practice free will.

"From every power that holds the world in chains, Man frees himself when self-control he gains"

-Goethe

Tippingpoint

People who have been there and done that seem to like telling people who don't have the luxury of experience about all the boneheaded mistakes that they've made - I don't really see the value in that approach. The same way I wouldn't tell anyone that they need to quit drinking even if it is obvious that they have a problem.

Kallum - the one thing I know for certain is that we all need to find our own way through this quitting thing. For some the way is easier than for others. From what I can see, all that really matters is that you're invested in the process.

If you can come back from this and give it another shot starting tomorrow and continue to work on your plan and gather tools to help you succeed...then you'll be on the right track.

Onwards and upwards!

Peter G

I could be wrong, but I'm guessing this remark was loosely directed at me.

First of all, there's nothing for me to like at all, absolutely 0 enjoyable moments when I come here and see that someone has relapsed or is on their way to one. In fact such innuendo is insulting to me and as such I don't appreciate it. Relapse is nothing short of sad and tragic to me, it angers me, having personally known people who have lost their lives from being caught in the cycles of bad decisions - such as the one this OP outlined - these seemingly minute details which often lead to life threatening relapses.

Secondly, sometimes in this world the help someone needs comes in a big, jagged, bitter pill, and although not easy, it's still necessary to swallow the damned thing. So I'd suggest that just because you don't see the value in such approaches doesn't mean there is no value to be had.

Support and kind words are great, in fact when I see someone getting their own recovery ducks in a row I give it freely and often. However, when a poster is postulating about something that my own experience and tenure tells me is a very bad decision or move I'm just not willing to mince words before I communicate this fact poignantly, quickly, and with gravity. I sincerely believe that, when needed, by being up front and short with someone new I am treating this dis-ease with the fear and respect it deserves, as it applies to the newly sober/still suffering addict's potential to frikin' kill themselves from otherwise understated or misunderstood information.

When we whinge, moan, and nitpick over how to spoon feed what needs to be said it's not support anyway, it's detached pampering. It can force the reality of a problem to arms length. Of course I'm not speaking of you personally TP but I find some of the soft approaches here - at the very least - extremely counter-intuitive. Saying such things can belittle the very real and extremely dangerous condition of alcoholism and addiction, sometimes to the point of undermining the very help and experience we are all here trying to share. Had I received nothing but bunny rabbits and rainbows when I first joined, my life threatening circumstance would have ended up being a life ENDING circumstance, without a doubt. Thankfully, some of the more experienced members here told me bluntly to shut up and listen occasionally, and thankfully I did just that. Some even went so far as to say I was being a total knucklehead a$$hat, and as it turns out, I was. That information, sent to me as quickly and abruptly as possible, did nothing short of keep me alive. I will be forever in debt to those who took the time to rake me over the coals when I was a maligned and tragically confused newb myself. Their seeming rudeness and vitriol helped me so much more than the many "...it works if you work it", "poor thing, you'll get there eventually" stylized comments.

What we sometimes need to hear is not always gonna come with a bright red rose, a wink, or a chocolate for our freshly fluffed pillows. Sometimes the things that need to be communicated here can be hard things to assimilate, and - I dare say - most times necessarily so. So, plainly, whether you like the Easy Listening station or the Heavy Metal Show, at the end of the day it's all still music that the ears of the still-suffering alcoholic NEEDS to hear.

michelle01

I too found that quitting was a lot harder than I'd thought it would be, I'd told myself for years that I could stop whenever I wanted to. I soon found out that recovery involved a lot more than putting down the drink. And will power alone wasn't enough - maybe you do need some will power, but I think you also need some acceptance and surrender, maybe that is something you have learned from the experience. Ten days I think is much too early to start going back to bars, but many of us make these mistakes, me included in my first attempts.

Terminally Unique

People often confuse "support" with mutual forgiveness for repeat ****ups, and this actually accounts for the vast popularity of support groups. Many people want bunny rabbits and rainbows, so that they can keep doing what they're doing without feeling too guilty about it. They know that others, believing they too might need a bunny rabbit very soon, are more than happy to oblige.

langkah

Well, it just means you're the real thing. Something good to know.

Dee74

Squabbling over what is and what isn't support really doesn't help anyone, least of all the OP.

When I first arrived here, people shared their various experiences with me, I learned from practically every post, and eventually I found a way that made sense to me.

I still think that's the best approach.

D