MycoolFitz

To make amends to someone wnen it is harmful, I need to learn but not so easy

Dee74

well - I know its hard not to think about it, but I figure right now whats done is done Fitz.

D

MemphisBlues

I think that's what a sponsor is for, to guide us away from where we might harm others in making amends.

I was writing you a note about your sponsor situation when my computer froze up and lost it.

Why not get a temporary sponsor? Didn't you sponsor just relapse?

My first sponsor was there for me to keep me sober.

My second sponsor was there to tell me that being sober wasn't easy, I had done a lot of damage to self and others, but he kept me sober.

My third sponsor is taking me through the steps. I am stalled at the 8th step, but am willing to become willing.

A sponsor has helped immensely to keep me sober for 508 days, which is a miracle.

Impurrfect

(((Fitz))) - I don't think I've ever done everything I think recovery is, perfectly. Had to learn a few lessons on the way.

I agree with ((Dee)) - what's done is done. I'm still not doing "everything right" at almost 5 years, but I have gotten better than I used to be Give yourself a break, okay?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

sober4metoday

I've never known anyone (such as a friend or family member) to work the steps. But, apparently I did have a guy who did work on my house that was in the program. I got this letter in the mail detailing all the things he did while employed in my home. He was making "amends". Are you kidding me? Amends? I didn't have a clue he had done any of it! I was actually kinda pissed! I felt violated, dirty and stupid! How dare him take that off his shoulders and place it on mine in the name of "making amends". He didn't amend anything as far as I'm concerned. He was actually being very selfish if you ask me.

I'm not the best advocate for it , I guess! Just be careful and put a lot of thought into it first - be cognoscente of what "amends" you are making and who they are too. Some things are better left unsaid, IHO. But apologies to knowing persons, well that's a good thing no matter what program you follow!

keltie

Well if you had good intentions, at least you can feel good about that. Care to share what happened? I'm glad you are still here.

sugarbear1

Making amends is not necessarily telling others what you've done wrong or saying "I'm sorry" yet again.

I learned how my behavior injured another and when it was time for amends, it was by placing myself in their shoes, as best as I could. Amends are not confessions. It's about compassion for another. Please find another sponsor who has worked the steps with a sponsor. If you read the big book closely, Bill doesn't write in a linear fashion. Lots of encryption is in the pages, in my opinion.

Best wishes,