Need to stop
 

I just found this forum today while looking into stopping drinking. I have no interest in AA as I believe over half the steps require some kind of belief in a god of sorts. I have not yet seen a dr as I have mild agoraphobia (which is only getting worse). I push off appts as much as I can for any reason. I feel completely lost. I don't know why or I how I started drinking consistanly. I used to have a couple drinks every one or two months with my husband. Then somehow by the time this past summer came along I was drinking every day (usually only one drink though) but now it has consumed me. I drink all day. Im not drunk all day, but by the time supper ends, I hit it hard(er). I don't get drunk every night, but I would have to say that 4 nights a week i'm legally intoxicated. I didn't even think I had a problem until about 2 months ago when my husband started making comments. At first I brushed them off, then I started to get real defensive, and now, I realize that this is obviously effecting more than just me. I stopped drinking for 2 days last month (not a huge accomplishment, but it was something). Those 2 days were horrific. But I was proud until my husband said he didn't even know. Displacing the blame onto him for being a butt I went to the liquor store. Now here I sit, not knowing what to do or how to do it, with an extra 30 lbs, no feeling for life, no energy, and nothing but self loathing.

Hi there, janedoe. I also have no interest in AA but I did start reading a book called Rational Recovery. There's a a secular section on here which has some other options but I can't post a link because I don't have enough posts yet.

I read through a bunch of those secular threads the other day- I'm on Day 2 again after stopping for 10 days earlier this month. I've added in this book/philosophy to help me stop forever. Since I'm new to all this I don't have much else to offer but I wish you the best! Keep posting- that's another thing I'm doing to help me out. So many others have had similar experiences/feelings/thoughts :)

Welcome janedoe82...I've been there...Hopeless is not a good place to be...There are other ways to get out of this mess besides AA...It works for me...But if you feel it's not for you that's OK...The best thing you are doing is looking for help...That's a good start...And there is a lot of it here...Try and relax and make yourself at home...Some amazing people here...And we can help you out.

Welcome, I agree that you need to stop drinking for the way you feel about yourself to improve.

Welcome JaneDoe

There's a lot of support here -I hope you'll find some ideas here that you can get on board with :)

D

Its almost lunch and I feel like climbing a wall. My heart is racing and I think I might be having a panic attack.

You probably are having a panick attack, it's normal in recovery. How many days have you been sober?

Only abot 16 hours.

Have you talked to a Dr. and let them know how much you drank and how long before you decided to stop? It could be dangerous quitting cold turkey.

I have not talked to a dr as of yet. I was unaware that stopping cold turkey was dangerous.

How much were you drinking?

Just curious...Yeah it can be fatal...I'd recommend a doctor...I didn't have a choice...

It all varied, weekends were always more, but the last couple days I average about 1.5 to 2 bottles (750ml) of wine. If its beer in the house, ill go through about 9 (through out the day).

I don't know...I was about triple that..I wasn't taking any chances...I can't tell you not to see a doctor...Alcohol affects different people different ways....I think if you've been 16 hours and you are climbing the walls already...It's probably not a bad idea to see one.

Welcome to SR! You've already received some great advice. There are many paths out of recovery—the folks who posted above are proof of that. The key is to make a commitment and take action, which you've already started to do—so be proud of yourself, because that's a huge step forward, even if it doesn't feel like it yet.

I know that feeling. But you know what? It will be replaced by self-respect, gratitude, and hope. It takes work breaking free of addiction, but it is so, so, so very worth it. You will look back at this day, as bad as it seems right now, and be very thankful you reached out. :)

Welcome to SR Jane. Glad you found us.

I hope you talk with a doctor soon!

I refused for quite while to believe I have a problem. I grew up with alcoholics - im nothing like them. My husband doesn't say I am, but gives me that impression constantly. We went to eat the other night and kept trying to read me the drink menu after telling him I didn't want one I was about to go to work. I dunno, I feel lost on the whole issue. I don't want to be my parents.

It doesn't matter what you want to call it...Here's a couple questions for you...Can you control when you drink or don't drink?...And once you start...Can you control when you stop..?

Adding 3 more hours. I have been keeping busy and hubby even brought home some alternative things to drink. About halfway through a baby blanket and been reading a lot of forums.

I used to drink pretty heavy for many years. About 4 years ago I tapered off to once every 3-4 weeks. And for a while I thought I could manage it but I realized that continuing to drink just kept me from moving forward. My BF of 4+ years doesn't believe I have a drinking problem (he wasn't around back then). He thinks I'm just a lightweight (hardly). So I really didn't have anyone around me telling me I needed to stop drinking. I still had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol even if I wasn't your "typical" alcoholic anymore though. It was like I was still punishing myself for having a heavy drinking problem all those years before by continuing to drink. WEIRD. It was really weird. I finally just said THAT'S IT! I have a life! What the hell am I doing?!?!

Hopefully you've gotten to your THAT'S IT! moment - it sure sounds like you have. You've definitely stumbled upon a great resource here at SR. If you don't care for AA there are several other programs you can look into. I have chosen the AVRT method.

Glad you're here!