eJoshua

One of the things I'm realizing is that life is a lot more complicated than I thought. I've been sober about 10 months now. It was easy for me after I got sober to assume a new purpose in life: I went out and got a new job, went back to school, started recording music again for the first time in a long time -- I sort of rediscovered myself, if you'll pardon the cliche.

Just recently I had to drop my classes in school because I was lazy and fell behind on the homework. Now, this is typical behavior for me if I'm active in my addiction: I tend to bite off more than I can chew, self medicate to release the stress, etc. I wouldn't say I was "high functioning" as much as I just couldn't tolerate sitting still for too long.

Anyways, it's kind of interesting to go through something like this, which I would consider a minor personal failure, and have nothing to blame but myself. There's no booze, no real mental issues going on right now, all I have is my laziness and the fact that I overcommitted myself.

I guess my point in all of this is that sober living has many of the same obstacles as living with an active addiction: I still am lazy, I still make mistakes, I still feel bad about stuff I've done. The difference is I'm actually able to process my emotions this time around and hopefully learn from my mistakes, instead of being doomed to repeat them.

Sober living has enabled me to accomplish a ton more than I did when I was drinking, make no mistake about that, but I have to remember to keep a right-sized view of myself and learn how to take life on its own terms rather than looking at myself as either a superhero or a complete waste of space.

Still here, still learning, still a work in progress.
-Josh

ReadyAndAble

Great post, Josh. I've been having similar realizations that, Wait, there's much more work to do! It's all good though. I coasted through life for the last few years. Last thing I want to do is go through all the work of escaping addiction, only to start coasting again.

Thanks again.

Impurrfect

((Josh))) - I'm almost 5 years into recovery and I still do some things wrong (totally not drug associated). I had this vision...quit smoking crack, everything will be great!

Wrong. Financial/career consequences..I'm still dealing with. People I loved have died. Others have gotten married, new baby in the family, serious health issues with others.

This is life. There have been times when I slacked on the school work to concentrate on working, and vice versa. I have come here, twice, in the past month in desparation because of family issues and I wanted to be NUMB.

I wouldn't change my life in recovery for anything. I've found out that I'm really stubborn, and I'm a procrastinator...working on that I seriously don't think those traits have anything to do with my addiction, it's just who I am.

IMO, recovery doesn't guarantee that life is going to be great. It DOES, however, give me tools to use when I'm having a really hard time, and SR is a huge part of that

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

DayTrader

Josh and Ready......... welcome to sobriety! LOL. Not quite what you thought it would be, is it? That same stuff bummed me out too.

Now you're seeing why ppl who've been around a while talk about recovery begin about maybe 10% not drinking and 90% learning how to live life sober and happily. Sadly, most alcoholics never figure that 90% part out and end up going back to the bottle again. That's why programs like AA exist......to teach you how to live now that you're not drinking. And the cool part is as you start to figure it out....you get to be the teacher. The more you participate, the more tools you learn, and the better it gets.......so you get to teach more and learn better tools.....etc etc etc

BillyPilgrim

Hi Josh, life is like that, it stinks, but it stinks better sober. Last week I drove my car out of the repair shop, and straight into the back of one on the road. The garage owner now knows me by name, and will probably be sending Christmas cards.
Important thing is , I just shrugged it off, and picked myself up, and didnt drink

Sapling

Hey Josh...We talked in another thread about what step you were working on....I see a lot of people make this mistake..And the results usually aren't very good. I see people come into AA...Decide to get there life together and then work on recovery...Get a new job...a girlfriend...a new apartment...Go back to school....all that good stuff...And leave the recovery work on the back burner...Next thing you know...They're drinking....Lose the job...lose the girl...lose the apartment...And they are right back where they were when they started and wondering WTF happened? If I could give any advice to anyone that wants to do this right...Make recovery your main priority from the start....Work it like a full time job....Get the tools you need to maintain it and then work on getting your life together...Simply put....Recovery first...Life second. The ones that I see that are making it...Or have already made it....That are living happy sober lives...Have taken this approach. Myself included. Recover...Then rediscover.

musicman66

Some great stuff in this thread:

"but I have to remember to keep a right-sized view of myself and learn how to take life on its own terms rather than looking at myself as either a superhero or a complete waste of space."

At first glance that sounds a bit outrageous, but it really hit home with me. That is a great way to describe the balance that I have been looking for in my life. Thanks Josh.

"life is like that, it stinks, but it stinks better sober"

That's just great BillyPilgrim....Keep up the good work all....

augustwest

getting sober merely gave me a chance to work on all my other shortcomings. there's nothing complicated about laziness. i suffer from it too so i know!

sober4metoday

"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it."