saphira

So I have finally admitted that I need more support than I am getting now. I have always been a little cautious about AA because I have severe social phobia, but I've realized that I NEED that one on one interaction. The next AA meeting available to me is tomorrow at 6 p.m. I WANT to go, but I am scared. So scared. I have already read the "what to expect" thing. But I need to hear from all of you. Honestly.
Let me put it this way. When I'm on SR, I sometimes wish that we were all together and could just hug it out. I love you all so much. Is AA like that? Is it really that understanding? Non judgmental?
I am scared to death to go, but I have this weird feeling that I'm supposed to be at this meeting. If any of you could just tell me what it's like from an EMOTIONAL standpoint, I would appreciate it. (With my anxiety disorder, it helps to know exactly what I'm walking in on.)
God I'm scared.
Help?

desertsong

Anything new is scary. I was petrified at the prospect of my first meeting. I had called the AA hotline the night before in a drunken stupor, and ended up speaking with a lovely lady (who is now a dear friend) who came and got me the next morning and took me to the meeting. I had no idea what to expect (that's the scary part) but I was overwhelmed by the encouragement, warmth, and acceptance of the group. They took me right in and I got their phone numbers, hugs, and was told to call any one of them if I needed them, any time of day. To say I was pleasantly surprised was an understatement.

I understand your fears but if my experience is the norm (and from what I've heard, it is), you will soon find yourself being enveloped in an atmosphere of acceptance, encouragement and much support. You don't have to share anything ... just sit and listen and take it all in. My first meeting was such a learning experience, and still is. They will welcome you. Let them.

neferkamichael

I'm 1 year 8month+ sober attend AA meetings regularly. Going to AA meetings is only one of the important reason's I stay sober. Try that meeting, you are under no obligations to hug anybody at the meeting, and you can leave anytime you like. I believe the most important reason I stay sober is because I want to be sober.

Elisabeth888

All meetings are different, but I think the first step is to raise your hand when they ask if there are any newcomers. They will probably give you a newcomer packet with a bunch of phone numbers of women on it.

I was petrified at my first meeting. I just listened. I recommend doing that for a while. If you are called on and don't want to share say "Thank you, but I am just going to listen tonight".

I bet the women that give you the packet will talk to you after the meeting and tell you to keep coming back.

I hope you hear a lot of stuff you can relate to! If for some reason you don't, go again! It might take some time.

Let us know how it goes!

keithj

I think you'll find a tremendous amount of love and support. People in AA are pretty good at spotting that scared and anxious newcomer walking in the door. If nothing else, you should find a ton of compassion and understanding, and many people who have been right where you are, and have recovered from that condition.

macknacat

Hi Saphira. I do NA and AA. could not have done recovery without them. 99% of the time , my meetings were [and are] positive - and usually a whole lot more. Having said that, in reading posts here on SR, I can see that some have not had that same affirming experience .

So. Once again there is probably a lesson in accepting what cannot be changed . It will be what it will be. After all- we are human beings in those rooms. My experience has been that if I feel welcomed and if I see what I want in recovery , then i keep coming back. If not- I look for a different meeting...

saphira

Thanks. I read a book yesterday and she said at one of her first AA meetings, someone said to her "You never have to be alone again." That struck a cord in me. I just want to learn all I can so I feel good about going tomorrow. I WANT to go but pushing past the anxiety is quite a job. Anything I can feed my brain helps.

desertsong

I love that quote "You'll never have to be alone again." Wow. That has totally been my experience with AA. I always thought I was "different" and that nobody would understand me. These folks GET IT. Whenever I share, I see heads around the room nodding up and down in agreement. I thought it was just me that had these feelings/thoughts. They really DO get it. How comforting that was!

Truth be told, nobody understands an alkie like another alkie. There is safety, love, support, and encouragement in our numbers. Let us know how your first meeting goes.

BadCompany

Do not ignore that.

Missy7

I am such a sociophobe. I'm scared of people. I'm self-conscious, and I'm not happy announcing I am an alcoholic. I once had such a social phobia that I couldn't talk to checkout people.

So, if I can go to a meeting, you can go to a meeting. Walk in and sit down. There's like a force field in AA. Maybe we don't know what people are really thinking, but they certainly aren't going to say anything nasty. Trust that. If anything you will have to fend off the love.

Go. I have been a few times and last night I went to the meeting that I will stick with. I'm going back.

2granddaughters

I went to 2 AA meetings today. They scared me too in the beginning but soon they will turn out to be "the best hour of the day".

Wishing you the best.

Bob R (sober in AA since 1989)

saphira

Thank you so much. It's no secret that I'm terrified. I'm planning to go...hoping that everyone is as kind as I've heard...hoping that I can overcome the anxiety just to get there.

desertsong

Once you get the first meeting under your belt, Saphira, you will look forward to going back. That was my experience ... I pray it will be yours too.

saphira

If only my meeting-to-be were filled with SR people. Sometimes I wish I knew all of you in the real world. Thank you.

BadCompany

You're going to do just fine.

miamifella

Meetings are actually quite good for someone with social phobia (like me).

In my experience, no one will talk to you or intrude on your personal space at a meeting unless you invite them to. To be honest, for me the problem was in trying to find people who were open to talking to me. People are polite, but while I gave out my number freely, I never once got one in return--except when I asked people to be sponsors.

You can hear people talk about their lives without any expectation that you will response. This is very freeing. So going to a meeting you can be a fly-on-the-wall and maybe get some insight from being there.

The anonymity means that people will come, tell you something deeply important to them, and then you might never see them again.

I am no longer part of any 12-step group, but I sat and listened and learned quite a bit while I was.

BillyPilgrim

Hi Saphira
I am very nervous in groups. I went to my first AA meeting with 2 black eyes, a broken nose, bruised ribs and no glasses (mugged because I was too drunk, dont ask) however, nobody batted an eyelid, they just took me in and greeted me.
In my current group, everyone greets you , hugs you as you come in. They greet you by name, they remember that, it makes me feel part of them
You will be ok, it reaps rewards immediately, the buzz is brillo

DayTrader

Saphira......

there's a section on this forum where most of the AA ppl hang out: Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I don't hit the newcomers forums too often cuz AA irritates a lot of new folks so I keep my posting here to a minimum and mostly wait for them to show up down there looking for help. Sometimes, like now, I pop into the newcomers' threads and say hi. If you've got AA related questions.........definitely hit the 12Step section.

fuzzy1

Arrive ten minutes early and introduce yourself as a newcomer. The members will take it from there and can also answer questions you might have. Stick a bit around after the meeting. If some go for a coffee somewhere afterwards and invite you to come along join them if possible.
lol, I believe I had every emotion possible during my first AA meeting. It was a huge meeting and I can't remember much (part due to the fact I couldn't understand most of what was said since they were speaking French :-)) but there was this guy sitting next to me who had this smile on his face and made me feel welcomed.

Sapling

I wouldn't be a member of AA if it wasn't like that....Not only was I scared...I was beaten down and hopeless. Yeah...The welcoming hand was out for me...And I feel the same way you do about them...And I offer my hand when I see someone that walks in looking like I did. There's really nothing quite like it.....Enjoy your new family...