Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1
Hello
Hi. My name is Jen and I’m new here. I have tried to quit drinking several times before. I always end up going back to the same old bad habits. I’m tired of feeling like a failure, but I don’t know how to stop drinking for good. I’ve seen several therapists, and one was actually starting to help me. However, he moved out of state, so now I feel like I’m back at square one again.
Today, my husband threatened to leave me if I don’t get sober. This isn’t the first time he’s made that threat, and to be honest, I would actually be relieved if he left. I’ve been in an abusive marriage for almost 25 years. He hasn’t physically hurt me in many years, but he has been verbally abusive. I’m not trying to blame him for my drinking, but I do think I use the alcohol to dull the pain.
I’m not sure what to do, but I am glad that I’ve found people who seem to be accepting and open-minded.
Today, my husband threatened to leave me if I don’t get sober. This isn’t the first time he’s made that threat, and to be honest, I would actually be relieved if he left. I’ve been in an abusive marriage for almost 25 years. He hasn’t physically hurt me in many years, but he has been verbally abusive. I’m not trying to blame him for my drinking, but I do think I use the alcohol to dull the pain.
I’m not sure what to do, but I am glad that I’ve found people who seem to be accepting and open-minded.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Jen, whatever you have to do, do it. Get a new therapist, go to AA or try another program, whatever it takes. We are here for you regardless. I hope you will make the best choices for your new life. That goes for your marriage as well.
I wish there were "magic words" to help you, but I hear the pain in your post. You are amongst friends here and we'll support whatever it takes to get you sober. )
I wish there were "magic words" to help you, but I hear the pain in your post. You are amongst friends here and we'll support whatever it takes to get you sober. )
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Welcome Jen!
You have definitely come to the right place.
Have you tried AA? It sounds like you are going to need some in person support as well and you can really find it there if you reach out.
Try to gather as many resources as you can to form your support network. Focus on yourself now and try not to let your husband affect you and your sobriety.
Hugs to you!
You have definitely come to the right place.
Have you tried AA? It sounds like you are going to need some in person support as well and you can really find it there if you reach out.
Try to gather as many resources as you can to form your support network. Focus on yourself now and try not to let your husband affect you and your sobriety.
Hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
You don't say where you are, but I'll bet you can find a women's meeting in your area. Go. All you have to do is show up. Take a dollar for the collection and go. You will have a much better perspective on your situation once you try it. And you do no have to speak--at all. No one will even notice. They will care, but they will not push you.
I understand what it's like to be in a rough spot in a marriage. I understand what it's like to drink to make life easier. And no matter what I tried, drinking never made anything better. AND, if I need to be strong for any reason, like facing a bad relationship, I need to be sober. Drinking, not drinking, drinking, not drinking, only makes bad situations worse.
So stay here on SR and go to a meeting. PM me if you like--I have 29 years of marriage and 10 days of sobriety. We probably have a lot in common.
I understand what it's like to be in a rough spot in a marriage. I understand what it's like to drink to make life easier. And no matter what I tried, drinking never made anything better. AND, if I need to be strong for any reason, like facing a bad relationship, I need to be sober. Drinking, not drinking, drinking, not drinking, only makes bad situations worse.
So stay here on SR and go to a meeting. PM me if you like--I have 29 years of marriage and 10 days of sobriety. We probably have a lot in common.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome Jean 
I found not drinking not only helped me with my alcohol problem - it also set the stage for helping me deal with a lot of other problems too.
It was much easier to deal with things without having one hand tied behind my back.
You'll find a lot of support & understanding here
D
I found not drinking not only helped me with my alcohol problem - it also set the stage for helping me deal with a lot of other problems too.
It was much easier to deal with things without having one hand tied behind my back.
You'll find a lot of support & understanding here
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 441
Good luck beginning your road of sobriety. This is a great community of people for encouragement, advice, and support. Perhaps you should work on getting the alcohol out of your life first and when you've got a better perception of things, then deal with your marriage. You will be in a much better position to figure it all out with a clear head and your health.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, Jen!
Glad you're reaching out today - getting sober is something most of us find we can't do on our own. I always thought I was a pretty determined person, but when it came to alcohol, willpower alone just didn't cut it.
I found lots of inspiration here and lots of support, and I know you will too!
Glad you're reaching out today - getting sober is something most of us find we can't do on our own. I always thought I was a pretty determined person, but when it came to alcohol, willpower alone just didn't cut it.
I found lots of inspiration here and lots of support, and I know you will too!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 274
Hi Jen and welcome to SR,
I was willing to do whatever it took because I new that the choice for me was between life and death. It does get better with a stable recovery plan.
I'm glad you found us..
I was willing to do whatever it took because I new that the choice for me was between life and death. It does get better with a stable recovery plan.
I'm glad you found us..
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Hi Jen - glad to have you with us! You're not alone anymore, & we're all here to help.
Whatever you end up doing regarding your marriage - you need to have a clear head to make your decisions. I know what you mean about numbing the pain, but nothing gets accomplished when we stay in a fog. You'll feel stronger & more able to face the future when you're healthy & alcohol free. It sounds like you're ready to leave your drinking life behind - we know you can do it.
Whatever you end up doing regarding your marriage - you need to have a clear head to make your decisions. I know what you mean about numbing the pain, but nothing gets accomplished when we stay in a fog. You'll feel stronger & more able to face the future when you're healthy & alcohol free. It sounds like you're ready to leave your drinking life behind - we know you can do it.
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