My first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 23
My first post
Hi everyone, this is my first post on Sober Recovery. I quit drinking on Feb. 1st...27 days ago after admitting to my husband "I think I might be a alcoholic." I have been reading SR since before quitting and joined last week. And there is no doubt how certain I AM that I am a alcoholic.
I'm still not quite sure when it got so out of control. I had been a social drinker since about 17/18 yrs through college and a lot of partying in my 20's. I am 34 years old now. I have suffered from depression and anxiety issues all of my life and alcohol made me feel comfortable and relaxed in social situations. I went from a scared, insecure girl to a "confident" woman. I know now it was just a front and all of my anger and saddness was just brought to the surface.
Drinking went from a weekend thing to a nightly thing to, the past 4 years, having to drink in the morning and all day on ocasion to fight the nausea and withdrawl. If I had a terrible hangover I would mix vodka with soda in a cup from a gas station and take it to work. I looked terrible..tired and bloated. I was eating terrible if at all. I took too many risks drinking and driving, didn't pay bills and became a shell of a person.
I got married last spring and we got pregnant immediately. I quit drinking as soon as i found out. 12 weeks along I miscarried. After the miscarriage I started drinking to numb the pain and the hangovers and the NEED for alcohol seemed stronger.
I finally, in a drunken hysterical haze told my husband (of about 9 months) that "I think I might be a alcoholic." I'm not sure what else I told him because the night is hazy with some blackout. He really didn't realize my private hell because I was very sneaky and a very good liar. I don't know if I have "hit bottom" I have had some very low.... LOWS. I don't want to have to hit rock bottom..I still have my family and my job and I'm working on my health.
I have quit drinking before with pregnancy or tried to get sober for a week or two but had never sought help or said I have a problem out loud. I hope I can stay sober for myself, my husband and 10 year old daughter. I am looking for a therapist but I am scared to try AA ..I know it is annonymous ut this town is something else and I'm not sure how I would feel if someone knew me there. Thanks for listening and letting me be a part of this community
I'm still not quite sure when it got so out of control. I had been a social drinker since about 17/18 yrs through college and a lot of partying in my 20's. I am 34 years old now. I have suffered from depression and anxiety issues all of my life and alcohol made me feel comfortable and relaxed in social situations. I went from a scared, insecure girl to a "confident" woman. I know now it was just a front and all of my anger and saddness was just brought to the surface.
Drinking went from a weekend thing to a nightly thing to, the past 4 years, having to drink in the morning and all day on ocasion to fight the nausea and withdrawl. If I had a terrible hangover I would mix vodka with soda in a cup from a gas station and take it to work. I looked terrible..tired and bloated. I was eating terrible if at all. I took too many risks drinking and driving, didn't pay bills and became a shell of a person.
I got married last spring and we got pregnant immediately. I quit drinking as soon as i found out. 12 weeks along I miscarried. After the miscarriage I started drinking to numb the pain and the hangovers and the NEED for alcohol seemed stronger.
I finally, in a drunken hysterical haze told my husband (of about 9 months) that "I think I might be a alcoholic." I'm not sure what else I told him because the night is hazy with some blackout. He really didn't realize my private hell because I was very sneaky and a very good liar. I don't know if I have "hit bottom" I have had some very low.... LOWS. I don't want to have to hit rock bottom..I still have my family and my job and I'm working on my health.
I have quit drinking before with pregnancy or tried to get sober for a week or two but had never sought help or said I have a problem out loud. I hope I can stay sober for myself, my husband and 10 year old daughter. I am looking for a therapist but I am scared to try AA ..I know it is annonymous ut this town is something else and I'm not sure how I would feel if someone knew me there. Thanks for listening and letting me be a part of this community
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Welcome to SR. You're in the right place. I can identify with a lot of what you said. Everybody's "bottom" is different, and hopefully you've hit yours -- you don't have to wait until it gets worse before deciding to make a change. I can understand being nervous/scared to go to AA...but remember that if you do see someone there that you know, they're there for the same reason you are. Therapy really helps (helps me, at least), but IMO having the support of other alcoholics who know where you are and where you've been makes all the difference. Congratulations on your 27 days, too.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Hopefull78 
but I am scared to try AA ..I know it is annonymous ut this town is something else and I'm not sure how I would feel if someone knew me there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 5
I understand!
Wow, you sound a lot like me. I am 31, and have lived a life extremely similar to yours. I miscarried early in my marriage, and it really throws you into the deep end of depression which increases the horrific cycle of alcoholism. I'm currently starting yet another attempt and being sober, and not just drying out, but REALLY getting sober for good. I know I can do it, I was for about 2 years when I became pregnant again, and had a very healthy baby. Unfortuantely after I stopped nursing I let myself fall back into this sickness. Reading your post really made me see there are people out there with all the same issues I have. Anxiety, depression etc. I also have never tried AA because I am also scared. I'm not good in social settings, which is why I always needed a drink, to ease my fear and anxiety. Coming to this site seems to be a good first step. We can talk with others, read stories, and find others going through the same pain we are. I wish you the best of luck! We deserve to succeed, and it can be done!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome to SR.
You sound a lot like me, but I didn't get sober until 3 weeks shy of my 36th birthday. And that was 30+ years ago, lmao.
I too wondered a lot about if I saw someone in AA that I knew and that knew me. My sponsor looked at, gave me a BIG grin and said
"Honey if you see someone in a meeting that knows you, all you have to remember is that they are there for the same reason you are, to find out how to live sober."
I had never looked at it like that, and it did make sense. And I did run into people I knew and it just made it better outside of the meetings also. Like we had a connection.
So, please do not be afraid and give some AA meetings a try. You will also find out you have some local folks that can help you in this great endeavor.
Congrats on your 27 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You will find as time goes on and you learn how to live sober, that life is really great. Be it ups or downs, we are better equipped to handle those curve balls sober.
So, pull up your keyboard, sit down and keep posting. We are here for you.
Love and hugs,
You sound a lot like me, but I didn't get sober until 3 weeks shy of my 36th birthday. And that was 30+ years ago, lmao.
I too wondered a lot about if I saw someone in AA that I knew and that knew me. My sponsor looked at, gave me a BIG grin and said
"Honey if you see someone in a meeting that knows you, all you have to remember is that they are there for the same reason you are, to find out how to live sober."
I had never looked at it like that, and it did make sense. And I did run into people I knew and it just made it better outside of the meetings also. Like we had a connection.
So, please do not be afraid and give some AA meetings a try. You will also find out you have some local folks that can help you in this great endeavor.
Congrats on your 27 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You will find as time goes on and you learn how to live sober, that life is really great. Be it ups or downs, we are better equipped to handle those curve balls sober.
So, pull up your keyboard, sit down and keep posting. We are here for you.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by BLove06
I also have never tried AA because I am also scared. I'm not good in social settings, which is why I always needed a drink, to ease my fear and anxiety.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Here's a thread you might like to follow.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-meeting.html
Another person, just 4 days sober, attended their first AA meeting.
That thread should help make it easier for you to start attending.
Love and hugs,
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-meeting.html
Another person, just 4 days sober, attended their first AA meeting.
That thread should help make it easier for you to start attending.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Welcome to SR! You can do this! If you've already gone 27 days, you are well on your way into recovery. Don't give up. Do whatever it takes to stay sober, AA, AVRT.
Your husband & daughter deserve a " whole human being" not a shell of a person.
Grieving is normal. Stress is normal. Numbing ourselves is not normal. We are meant to deal w/ pain, etc. Drinking only multiplies & postpones the pain. Work through it. Move on.
Become the fabulous person you want to be!
Your husband & daughter deserve a " whole human being" not a shell of a person.
Grieving is normal. Stress is normal. Numbing ourselves is not normal. We are meant to deal w/ pain, etc. Drinking only multiplies & postpones the pain. Work through it. Move on.
Become the fabulous person you want to be!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 23
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. I am still considering AA and I will be meeting with a therapist soon. I'm really nervous and would like to find a counselor or therapist that focuses on addiction /alcoholism. I should probally see a physician too...It's pathetic how scared I am to be criticized by a doctor! I just NEED to DO it...I've made it this far..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1
keep on trudging forward; i've been sober now since 11/9/11 and it has been a lot of work. not in a bad way, you just need to put in effort to reap the benefit. the first meeting is the hardest one to go to, really. but people are so nice. nobody judges, they just want to help someone the way someone helped them when they were newly sober...........i wouldn't be where i am today without the support of a sober community. best of luck, love, me
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
It's not pathetic that you are scared...I think it's pretty normal...I was fricken terrified...I mean I had lost control of my life...Now I'm having to admit that to myself..To doctors...To a room full of people that I've never seen....That's a lot to take in....I just had to look at my options...Dying from this stuff...I didn't have much left to lose..That was gone..Or get myself willing to do anything I needed to do to stop. And then take some serious action....It was too important for me to let fear stand in the way of saving my life...I prayed for strength a lot...
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Welcome Hopeful! I like you am from a small midwest town. I was very afraid to attend my first AA meeting, but I went and it was really nice. 
I have made a very close girlfriend in the program that has 11 yrs sober. She was my sponsor, but now my friend. You can do this, thanks for posting! Lily
I have made a very close girlfriend in the program that has 11 yrs sober. She was my sponsor, but now my friend. You can do this, thanks for posting! Lily
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Hopeful (and welcome!)
Good job on the 27 days!
I can relate a lot to your story, too. I'm glad you stopped drinking....... I think our "bottom" can be whatever we decide it to be.
I think you'll really like the people here and the support.... Same goes for AA. A lot of us have been to hell and back and we share so much - I never felt like a stranger in AA because of the honestly and the real joy of getting free from addiction. When you feel a little more confident, maybe your husband would join you for a meeting.
There are other options too (this forum is my daily support). Glad you've joined us!
Good job on the 27 days!
I can relate a lot to your story, too. I'm glad you stopped drinking....... I think our "bottom" can be whatever we decide it to be.I think you'll really like the people here and the support.... Same goes for AA. A lot of us have been to hell and back and we share so much - I never felt like a stranger in AA because of the honestly and the real joy of getting free from addiction. When you feel a little more confident, maybe your husband would join you for a meeting.
There are other options too (this forum is my daily support). Glad you've joined us!
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