neferkamichael

Please get rid of it.

Sapling

What's an AA person?...Someone that doesn't drink or drug....Is happy...Feels at peace...Cares about themselves and others for a change...Has some sense of direction in life...Is useful and has a purpose for being here...Yeah...That's it. You'll do anything?....Don't drink or drug....Get to a meeting...Get a sponsor...Work the 12 steps...And save your fricken life....Nice job on getting rid of your dope...Now get rid of the dopes you hang around with. Good luck to you brother...I'd love to see you make it.

defyinggravity

Feeling a little more "with it" today. Last night was rough, though. Because I had already slept for most of the afternoon/evening, I tossed and turned all night and was overall just really restless. I don't know if this is common after a binge like that or not, but I had really weird, distressing, confusing dreams. The kind where you semi-wake up in the middle, unsure about what's really real. Really disturbing to me.

Well, I've got a full day at work ahead of me to keep me occupied. A little nervous about what to do tonight after I get home - I really need to tackle the mess in my living room...the used needles, bloody paper towels, etc. but I don't know how ready I am for that.

defyinggravity

Oh, and ps: sister, not brother thank you, though.

Sapling

Sorry about that...You do drugs like a guy...How about hitting a meeting tonight?...I'd still like to see you make it....sister.

defyinggravity

Hahaha that made me laugh out loud. Yeah, I do. I'm on the more masculine side of femininity in a lot of respects

I'm gonna hit a meeting tonight if I get out of work in time. I'm working on a big project that has been keeping me in the lab really late recently and I frequently don't get home until after 8 or 9pm. I came in early though, to try and get out in time.

Sapling

Good to hear it...Hang in there....You got to stop this sh!t.....

sober4metoday

maybe you do an online AA meeting? or at least come hang out with us on here.

defyinggravity

Definitely won't be out of work in time to make a meeting but I'll for sure be hanging around here tonight! My psychiatrist is out of the office for the week but I'll see him next week. Now just trying to put the misery I caused this weekend out of my mind and move forward.

Sapling

At least you won't be able get into trouble here.....I hope.

defyinggravity

I just left work to grab a quick bite while I had some down time...I'm still having trouble eating, though. I'm starving but putting food in my mouth literally makes me gag. I do wish this would go away...being so hungry is making me feel really sick! I forced down a salad anyway because I knew how miserable and dizzy I'd get if I didn't...but it was really hard. Anyone happen to have experienced this before? This hasn't ever happened to me after a binge, so I'm just curious if it's "normal" (it's obviously not the norm, but if anyone else has had this happen).

On another note, I'm SO dreading having to tell my therapist about this latest binge. I'm really afraid she's going to stop treating me. I don't really know where that fear comes from - she's not given me any indication that that would be the case, but I'm so afraid she's going to decide I'm just too f*cked up for her or something...:/

Dee74

I think that's probably an unreasonable fear dg

D

defyinggravity

Thanks, Dee. I probably know that deep down already, but it's nice to hear it from someone else

karilynn27

I've got my first therapy session thursday, I don't think they kick you out for being screwed up. I'm still having trouble eating. Your doing great, keep hangin on

defyinggravity

Haha Karilynn, I don't think so either...if so, I'd have been kicked out long ago I'm just afraid to tell her. I love my therapist - she's the most non-judgmental person I know...I don't know why I'm so freaked out about this. It's really kind of ridiculous.

Good job on making the decision to go to therapy - I've been going weekly for over 2 years and it was easily the best decision I ever made!

Sapling

I got to ask you defyinggravity....You've been going to therapy weekly for two years ...Have you been drinking and drugging the whole time?

defyinggravity

No, I haven't. I've had various periods of sobriety sprinkled throughout...a couple of months here and there...and the majority of my drug use has NOT been cocaine, it's weed which is a little easier to "get away with." Let's just say there have been times when I've been less than honest with her about what was going on. She was the one who, when she was finally aware of how bad the situation was (after my first experience/binge with cocaine - this is really only the 3rd or 4th period of time I've used coke), got me to see the psychiatrist who specializes in addiction (addiction is not her area).

defyinggravity

Finally home from work! Definitely too late to make a meeting, so I'm here on SR for the night!

Sapling

If you aren't being honest with your therapist...I don't see much point in it...What does she think about something like AA? Or any recovery program...Or does she even know you drink?

defyinggravity

I'm not seeing her solely for addiction issues...there are lots of other reasons and things we're working through. There's a lot of abuse in my childhood, a sexual assault in college, issues with my parents...I agree that my best interests aren't served by not being completely honest, but there's definitely a point in it even if we aren't addressing that.

I haven't had a drink since early January or so and that was the first time in quite a long time. I've had maybe 3-5 isolated drinking incidents (isolated meaning one night) in the past 2ish years (I tend to turn to alcohol as a last resort when I couldn't get weed). Weed is really my DOC and the drug I'm having the hardest time quitting. My last hangover was enough to seal the deal on the alcohol. I had maybe 4-5 drinks and threw up the ENTIRE next day. Miserable.