augustwest

well are a sensitive lot when we get sober, huh?

Tippingpoint

Support like this offered to people at 6 weeks sobriety is much more damaging in my opinion. You can do better.

sober4metoday

I personally would not go to a bar this early in recovery. Do I think I would drink? No. Do I think I could emotionally handle it? Maybe not. During this early stage of recovery I have waves of emotion come over me. I assume that's not going to stop any time soon and that's ok. A bar right now would probably make me either sick or feel like a failure - not sure which and I don't particularly revel in the thought of feeling either.

I did, however, go have my sushi last night. You know, my excuse to drink sake. It went well. I ordered green tea. And something awesome happened as well - as my sober mind looked around the restaurant I realized that 95% of people were having water, tea, soda.... Wow. Seems like I was so focused on the drink before that I never noticed I was the odd ball! Didn't everyone have 2 large sakes before their meal?!?!!

soberlicious

This gives Perfect73 an opportunity to practice another important skill...indifference to blantant negativity. Just as living a full life without drinking can be accomplished, so can smiling through adversity.

For the record, in the original post Perfect did not ask whether going to the bar was a good idea. She asked what people liked to drink aside from soda.

augustwest

excellent point. every situation is an opportunity to practice a principle needed for recovery and a peaceful life. in this sense our enemies are our greatest teachers.

Rexfiles

Sorry, early sobriety is NOT the time to test your resolve.

And THAT, my friends, apply to the MAJORITY.

Cripes, at 56, a few of you DON'T think I have participated in and seen others at that rodeo also??????

Sure, some cocky newcomer(s) think it is all fine and dandy.

Guess what? Your addiction WANT'S YOU BACK. It wants you bad real bad.

So it can make you miserable and kill you quite slowly.

And no, I would never go to a bar and laugh at some others that MAY be in the grips of early or advanced addiction.

To me that is sick.

And no, I do not think it is emotionally mature or stable if someone goes on a SOBER website and flippantly announces they are going to a bar, have been to one a few weeks before, and all this within' the first few weeks, what they should drink.

And THEN get outraged when on a SOBER website, some think they are playing with fire.

GASP!!!!!!

And then cut and run.

No, I'm not a AA Nazi, or a big book thumper......I just have been through that mill, and not way gonna' tempt fate like that again

Sorry, curmudgeonly old fart signing off......

Peace.

Rex

Sapling

At six week sober I was still shaking and you could smell the last drink on me...Going to a bar with friends that I used to drink with...Would have been suicide for me...I thank God I have a sponsor that would quash even the thought of it....I have tools today that I can deal with doing something like that at eight months...But it better be a pretty damn good band for me to go.

soberlicious

Rex, I hear ya...and certainly understand your passion. Perfect73 didn't appear cocky to me at all. She had supportive friends, partner, exit strategy, etc. This going to a bar thing really ruffles some people, and while for some it may not be prudent, for others it simply isn't an issue as evidenced by the many posts on this site.

Rexfiles

At one....and then six weeks.....really?

If she continues this behavior.....what odd's would you give?

If you HAD to pay REAL money out of your own pocket?

Think that one over.......

Peace

Rex

freshstart57

I don't think laughing at other's misfortune is good karma either, Rexfiles. I didn't laugh at other people drinking, but I sure laughed at myself and my foolishness whenever that AV made so much as a peep. I became the observer not just of others at restaurants and clubs, many of whom were not drinking, but of myself too. And yes, pointing and laughing in derision at my ridiculous previous ways of thinking about alcohol certainly helped me to cross the threshold into secure sobriety.

In my early sobriety, I knew that this journey was only going to be as difficult as I wanted it to be. Once I had separated myself from my alcoholic voice, and could do that confidently, the rest was going to be much simpler.

I refused to make the sobriety process a teeth-gnashing exercise in self deprivation. I wasn't giving up anything by refusing to drink, I was gaining all those aspects of a healthy life that I was previously squandering. This meant that I also refused to stay away from a nice meal with friends and family at a restaurant, or to pass on a rare chance to hear a favorite musician in an intimate venue because alcohol is served there.

Why would I drink now? I am not missing out on a single thing in my life, except every last miserable consequence that resulted from cracking the lid on that handle of vodka, over and over and over.

soberlicious

I can only speak for myself. There is no such thing as a "slippery place" for me. A bar never got me drunk. I got me drunk. If "slippery places" existed for me, then I would literally have to live in a box with a locked lid because there is a store on every corner. I very early on went to places that served alcohol if I wanted to hear a band, dance, play pool, etc. I wouldn't go to a bar where everyone was just sitting and drinking...NOT because that might get me drunk, but because I would be bored out of my gourd.

I drank equally as much at home as I did in bars...should I move?

You can respect my opinion or not. You can even respect that we have different opinions on this...or not. You asked and I answered from my perspective. I realize that my truth may not be someone else's truth. Do you? Think that one over...

Sapling

At six weeks I didn't deprive myself of anything I needed...At that time I was going to meetings and working my fourth step....That was plenty to keep me busy....I had two friends go back out this past week from tempting fate...And they are out drinking today...They didn't have the tools to deal with it yet.

soberlicious

If I believed in fate, it certainly wouldn't be my fate to be a drunk, so how could I tempt said fate?
If being in a bar causes one a problem, don't do it. If it doesn't...party on sans booze.

The bottom line for me is don't do things that are bad for me. Do do things that are good for me. Knowing what those things are is up to the individual and come from knowing oneself well and deeply.

gaffo

I have found that if you tell the bar tender that you are sober and driving they will give you NA drinks for free.

Sapling

I'll just make this last point...Because I think you know where I stand.....I didn't know who the hell I was at six weeks dry....I'm still working on that at eight months sober....I knew who alcohol was...Because I had no power over it...It beat me so badly...That death looked like the best way out...I hate to see people get to that point. I just fricken hate it.

soberlicious

I know exactly what you are talking about. I welcomed death. In fact, I locked myself and my children inside my house (keyed from the inside...no way in or out) and committed suicide. My true physical death of no pulse or heartbeat only lasted for a moment, as I was revived, and subsequently baker-acted. I fully understand the seriousness of addiction. I know darkness, and I hate it as much as you do.
I understand this too. While I may not always know who I am...I do know who I am not, and that is a drunk. I certainly agree that change takes time and practice, but I think it's a misconception that one cannot have a moment of clarity, a flip of a switch, at which time there is no going back. It happened to me.

Bar or no bar, I do not drink alcohol. ever. I know that deeply and well.

augustwest

I'm a 12 stepper and certainly understand and generally agree with the people, places, and things business. but our experience and level of self awareness is just that, ours. I cant project mine onto someone else. if I have a good reason to be somewhere I'm going to go. I'm also going to have my circumstances such that I can promptly exit if things get dicey.

for me, a 'good reason' is something that brings value to my life. music is one of those things for me. I don't know that to be the case with the op but it sounds like it could be. I have a deep spiritual connection with my favorite musicians and their shows enhance my recovery. but that often means I have to be in places that serve alcohol.

I went to see trey anastasio at 60 days sober in a club and saw 8 phish shows at right around 6 months. I had a plan, was there for the right reasons, and the experiences nourished my spirit and strengthened my recovery.

as I said earlier I got sober for freedom, not aversion to situations that would enrich my life were it not for the presence of alcohol. now if I seek out places when the situation is not something that will enrich my life that's another story. I don't do that.

freshstart57

I think that Perfect73 should stay around, not only because we can learn something new from each member, but because she can spell ümlaut.

Elisabeth888

Opinions vary on this. It depends on the individual. Personally, I got drunk at home alone, not in a bar, so I don't feel it was a trigger for me.

The venue I went to was not a straight up bar- it is primarily a restaurant. I had dinner there too.

I like to go hear/see live music and I am not going to let my alcoholism keep me from doing this. Am I going to go hang out at bars all the time? No.

I enjoy the community here and I do not expect people to agree or endorse every move I make.

Who cares what people think?! I hope you come back to SR!!

Dee74

Ok folks lets relax.

The more I stay in recovery the more I realise that my way is not the only way.

I can share my experience without denigrating other peoples decisions or experience.
I think we all should be able to do that.

For me it was vital to stay out of these kinds of situations for a while until I felt I was able to face them sober, no matter what might happen - but I have to allow other people their right to find their own way too...thats how I made my way in my recovery....

I hope you'll stick around Perfect73

In the absence of the OP tho, this thread is closed.

D