soberlicious

FLA...I know how you are feeling. The thing is, none of what you are saying is actually "you", it is your addiction talking. This make not make sense at the moment, because your addiction is literally driving the bus right now. I don't know about you, but I cannot stand someone controlling me, making choices for me, telling me what to do, making a fool of me, lying to me, putting something over on me. Funny thing is, I let my addiction do that to me for years and I didn't even know it. Once I realized WTF was really going on, I took control back. Guess who's driving the bus now? yep...ME.
I really and truly hope you find your way out of the darkness.

Db1105

If you don't have a problem then what the hell are you doing here? Since you said you were brought up in AA then you know what is what. Are you really having fun? Ending up writing on a recovery board website at the end of a nite of having a few sociables doesn't sound all that hot being in a college community.

I got sober when I was in my teens. I tried to stop on my own terms but it didn't work out. I was lucky I still had the choice to ask AA for help. I've seen quite a few "young people" have that choice taken away from them when they ended up where the disease can take us. You can BS yourself, but you can't BS us.

gaffo

I remember bits and pieces of my early twenties. I was flying red flags even back then. Some people who loved me told me to watch out. I've worked around lots of AAers and obvious drinkers. I've had many hangovers. None of it could convince me to stop. The concept of the "alcoholic voice" is useful for me to understand that situation. There are so many justifications to drink, you can't open your eyes in the morning without having to deal with someone or something telling you that it's cool to drink.

Still, I always had the suspicion, that I think you have, FLA, that drinking was not good for me. There's never enough, it cost all my money, all that loathing and frustration. It doesn't have to be that way. I waited long enough that being a drunk sucked worse than jonesing for a drink--twenty something years. During that time I was blessed to develop my career, meet my wife, buy a house, have kids, the whole American dream thing. I guess that makes me "high functioning", a term I hate. I have no regrets but I can't help but wonder might have been if I hadn't wasted so much time and energy on being wasted.

Good luck, FLA, and stay away from that cocaine!!!

nonblondechef

Hmmmm....I only went to college one time, but think that positive things and health problems contradict one another. Just sayin.

PaperDolls

I was 16 when I realized I had a problem. Went to my first meeting at that age. I drank for the next 15ish years going to meeting sporadically and hating life most of the time, hurting people, loosing friends, marriages, and jobs.

I didn't quit until I was 33. You don't have to do it like I did and I don't suggest it.

desertsong

"Just checking in and this is going to sound ignorant but part of me is saying when I am your age and I become dependent on alcohol that's when I should stop."

FLA, at the rate you're going ... you won't make it to our age. That's what we're trying to tell you ...