Desperate for Help...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NV
Posts: 10
Desperate for Help...
Hi,
Not really sure what I am doing on here I can't even go 4 hours without starting to shake and sweat and start the withdrawl symptoms. But I have been looking at this site and today decided to register.... Looking for some help geting started in recovery. Needless to say, not sober today
To begin... I have been a HEAVY drinker for about 2 years- having cocktails and wine nightly and binging on the weekends. My husband works out of state and I am by myself all day, every day, for periods of 2 months at a time as I work at home. No family close by. HOWEVER... the past 5 months or so I have been drinking all day and night- every day. I find that I consume a 1/5 of vodka daily and sometimes a bottle of wine too. Any time I go without drinking for more than a few hours I start getting terrible shakes, insomnia, sweats, anxiety, nausea, diarrea.... So i drink, pass out on the couch, then wake up and pur another one. It's a horrible cycle.
I went to the Dr a month ago and had blood taken and told her about this and she put me on a mild 7day benzo to help me sleep and w the withdrawls.. but I continued to drink the wine. They told me if I must drink my body would be better to have a glass of wine or 2 to prevent seizures and DT' etc.... But I can't just have 1 or 2 glasses
SOOO long story- I have been on a 3 week CRAZY binger now to where I don't eat much and I drink nothing but cocktails and about 4oz of water a day. I'm sure i am severly dehydrated.. I am bloated, my skin is red and itchy, and frankly I have just let myself go....
It's been recommended I go to a detox and/or treatment. I cannot afford this and I have many animals to take care of at home that nobody can look after. Does anybody know how to get started because my body just can't take the detoxing/withdrawal stuff and I am so scared I will have seizures and die!!!
Please help w/ any suggestions- thank you for your time
Not really sure what I am doing on here I can't even go 4 hours without starting to shake and sweat and start the withdrawl symptoms. But I have been looking at this site and today decided to register.... Looking for some help geting started in recovery. Needless to say, not sober today
To begin... I have been a HEAVY drinker for about 2 years- having cocktails and wine nightly and binging on the weekends. My husband works out of state and I am by myself all day, every day, for periods of 2 months at a time as I work at home. No family close by. HOWEVER... the past 5 months or so I have been drinking all day and night- every day. I find that I consume a 1/5 of vodka daily and sometimes a bottle of wine too. Any time I go without drinking for more than a few hours I start getting terrible shakes, insomnia, sweats, anxiety, nausea, diarrea.... So i drink, pass out on the couch, then wake up and pur another one. It's a horrible cycle.
I went to the Dr a month ago and had blood taken and told her about this and she put me on a mild 7day benzo to help me sleep and w the withdrawls.. but I continued to drink the wine. They told me if I must drink my body would be better to have a glass of wine or 2 to prevent seizures and DT' etc.... But I can't just have 1 or 2 glasses
SOOO long story- I have been on a 3 week CRAZY binger now to where I don't eat much and I drink nothing but cocktails and about 4oz of water a day. I'm sure i am severly dehydrated.. I am bloated, my skin is red and itchy, and frankly I have just let myself go....
It's been recommended I go to a detox and/or treatment. I cannot afford this and I have many animals to take care of at home that nobody can look after. Does anybody know how to get started because my body just can't take the detoxing/withdrawal stuff and I am so scared I will have seizures and die!!!
Please help w/ any suggestions- thank you for your time
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Wow...That sounds like what I went through...I did a supervised detox...5 days. You might be able to talk to your doctor about doing home detox with proper medication...He/she's probably going to recommend someone to be there with you...You can't drink with meds...Not good. Talk to your doctor...Be totally honest with him/her...Explain your situation and follow orders to the letter.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi VirgoChic - welcome
I can;t stress how important it is you stop mixing benzoes and alcohol - it really is dangerous to do that and I'm sure you'll hear from others here with more experience than I have in that area.
I think if you're sick - and it sounds like you are - you really need to go back to a Dr (preferably ones who have experience with alcoholism but really any DR would be good right now) and be honest and open with them - tell them whats going on, what you've been doing.
They may know of local detox programmes - you never know - NV is pretty good for that I hear?.
D
I can;t stress how important it is you stop mixing benzoes and alcohol - it really is dangerous to do that and I'm sure you'll hear from others here with more experience than I have in that area.
I think if you're sick - and it sounds like you are - you really need to go back to a Dr (preferably ones who have experience with alcoholism but really any DR would be good right now) and be honest and open with them - tell them whats going on, what you've been doing.
They may know of local detox programmes - you never know - NV is pretty good for that I hear?.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 441
Can you hire someone to take care of your animals for a few days? Or have your husband take a couple of days off so that you can go to detox? I don't know how easy or safe it would be for you to do this on your own. Look on craigslist or care.com to hire someone for temp work...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
Hi Virgochic,
First, you are not alone and welcome to SR.
I've been where you are and you most definitely will need a doctor input/help with this. It's far too dangerous to do this on your own. But you CAN do this. I did.
Please ask for help and you will be on your way to stopping this cycle of HELL that you are in.
Big hugs for you. We're all here to support you.
First, you are not alone and welcome to SR.
I've been where you are and you most definitely will need a doctor input/help with this. It's far too dangerous to do this on your own. But you CAN do this. I did.
Please ask for help and you will be on your way to stopping this cycle of HELL that you are in.
Big hugs for you. We're all here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
Hi Virgochic,
First, you are not alone and welcome to SR.
I've been where you are and you most definitely will need a doctor input/help with this. It's far too dangerous to do this on your own. But you CAN do this. I did.
Please ask for help and you will be on your way to stopping this cycle of HELL that you are in.
Big hugs for you. We're all here to support you.
First, you are not alone and welcome to SR.
I've been where you are and you most definitely will need a doctor input/help with this. It's far too dangerous to do this on your own. But you CAN do this. I did.
Please ask for help and you will be on your way to stopping this cycle of HELL that you are in.
Big hugs for you. We're all here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
I just want to add one more thing, and this is not to frighten you, but rather, to make you think. You mention your animals that need to be cared for....YOU need to be cared for....so that your animals will be cared for. Right?
Big hugs
Big hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NV
Posts: 10
Hey Guys- thank you for your input... I actually just spilled the beans to a really good friend of mine, she has offered to go to AA w/ me anytime and even check on my animals every day IF it comes to detox.
Janiebluebird... I really cannot afford that, and my husband works 4 states away... won't be home for another month and not entirely sympathetic to my 'story'.. he thinks alcoholism is a made up disease and it's mind over matter and no medical side effects
As for mising benzo's and booze, yeah she gave me a super teeny mg cuz she was afraid I would drink, which I did, however not that much and it did take the edge off. But you are right- not to mix.
I think I could go back to Dr and yes be super honest, she was very understanding and also gave me info on treatment places but yeah I can't afford that or maybe even get time off work
I found out there are meetings in my town (I live in a pretty small town) nightly... I wish there was a morning meeting to get me started. I missed it tonight- I AM going tomorrow and I am gonna try very hard not to start drinking the minute I wake up.... My mind doesn't even register it anymore, i'm like a robot just grabbing for the drinks
Thank you all I hope to post some good news tomorrow for a 24hr or even a 12 hour at this point
Janiebluebird... I really cannot afford that, and my husband works 4 states away... won't be home for another month and not entirely sympathetic to my 'story'.. he thinks alcoholism is a made up disease and it's mind over matter and no medical side effects
As for mising benzo's and booze, yeah she gave me a super teeny mg cuz she was afraid I would drink, which I did, however not that much and it did take the edge off. But you are right- not to mix.
I think I could go back to Dr and yes be super honest, she was very understanding and also gave me info on treatment places but yeah I can't afford that or maybe even get time off work
I found out there are meetings in my town (I live in a pretty small town) nightly... I wish there was a morning meeting to get me started. I missed it tonight- I AM going tomorrow and I am gonna try very hard not to start drinking the minute I wake up.... My mind doesn't even register it anymore, i'm like a robot just grabbing for the drinks
Thank you all I hope to post some good news tomorrow for a 24hr or even a 12 hour at this point
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Mixing benzos and alcohol is very dangerous. You need to go to the ER for about 5 days to detox. Maybe longer since you've been mixing the benzos with alcohol. Alcohol withdrawal by itself can be fatal, add benzos to the mix and jeez....
You just need medical help if you really want to be around for your H and those animals. The ER must take you, but they will send you a bill. Please go.
You just need medical help if you really want to be around for your H and those animals. The ER must take you, but they will send you a bill. Please go.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Get yourself cleaned up and take the support that good friend is offering...You can get out of this...Your story described the last two years of my drinking to the T...Be strong...For yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
I'm really glad that you have spoken to a friend. Lining up support is key. I'm most concerned about the detoxing for you. You've been playing pretty hard VC.
I think at the moment you have forgotten how bad the withdrawal is. Again, please make arrangments to involve a doctor in this and get your friend on board too.
I think at the moment you have forgotten how bad the withdrawal is. Again, please make arrangments to involve a doctor in this and get your friend on board too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NV
Posts: 10
I just want to reiterate to you guys who I know are just looking out for me- I am not mixing pills w booze now, that was 3 weeks ago and .05 of lorazipam I think??? Dr told me, as I went back for my blood results and follow up 3 weeks ago that she figured I would drink and it was a very low dose... and I forgot to mention all my bloodwork came back 'fine' but I think it must have been wrong!! She said the liver enzymes and sugar was a bit high but nothing I can't correct at this age or anything to be alarmed about.... I couldn't believe it.... Maybe that's why I started my crazy binger
Anyways the way my body feels just a few hours off the booze is devestating and it scares the holy bejesus out of me IF i have to go to the ER I will, pay the bill, etc... I went to the grocery store today and thought I was having a panic attack... heart racing, sweating, irritable... I mean i get that after a while but after 4 hours??? This is gonna be the highest mountain i think i will ever have to climb
Thank you all again for your ideas and words of encouragement. I want you to know too I just lost both of my parents in the last couple years and with H being gone it's really sent me to a dark place.... I think that this devil inside me was just waiting for the right opportunity to be unleashed
Meeting tomorrow planned and do you guys recommend getting a sponsor right away? Or a temp. sponsor? Should I immediately say something when I walk in there? I don't know how these meetings work... I'm scared about it.
Anyways the way my body feels just a few hours off the booze is devestating and it scares the holy bejesus out of me
IF i have to go to the ER I will, pay the bill, etc... I went to the grocery store today and thought I was having a panic attack... heart racing, sweating, irritable... I mean i get that after a while but after 4 hours??? This is gonna be the highest mountain i think i will ever have to climb Thank you all again for your ideas and words of encouragement. I want you to know too I just lost both of my parents in the last couple years and with H being gone it's really sent me to a dark place.... I think that this devil inside me was just waiting for the right opportunity to be unleashed
Meeting tomorrow planned and do you guys recommend getting a sponsor right away? Or a temp. sponsor? Should I immediately say something when I walk in there? I don't know how these meetings work... I'm scared about it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
If your friend can take you...That would be great...Take a look at this site.
Your First AA Meeting<
Your First AA Meeting<
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
I think that the amount you've been drinking for the last 3 weeks without any benzos is alarming, and the fact that you start withdrawals 4 hours after your last drink even more so... along with not eating or drinking water and having a wake & drink/pass out, repeat cycle. That's the stuff that worries me, Virgo. That makes me think that you're really sick right now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
How you feel at the 4 hour withdrawal mark is exactly what we are talking about. I'm talking about This mountain that you will have in front of you, I want you to get through/over this mountain safely....noT pick up another drink to keep the cycle going....it's too easy VC to pick up a drink if you don't have A plan for detox....
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Honey, please don't try to detox without medical supervision. None of us can predict the outcome ... symptoms could be minor or they could require medical intervention. We never know. The withdrawals can really SUCK physiologically as well as mentally, but they can also be life threatening. You don't necessarily have to go to a hospital or detox center, you can go to your own doc, as long as you are completely honest about your alcohol use. Mine put me on a four day course of Librium to help with the withdrawals (I never would have made it otherwise) and that got me over the "hump" so that I could continue without the awful physical symptoms. But that's me. If you feel really, really awful and/or worried about your symptoms, please seek medical care.
Beyond that, I would get a sponsor or temporary sponsor ASAP. You need the accountability and support. When you walk into that meeting, just sit and LISTEN to everyone ... and if there is someone in the group who you really relate to and think you could connect with, ask them if they could be your sponsor, whether temporary or long term. Usually in AA meetings, they ask at the beginning if there is anyone there who is willing to be a sponsor, and people will raise their hands. If someone feels like a good "fit" for you, approach them ... even if not, you can always ask other folks in the meeting who might make a good temp/long-term sponsor.
You don't have to speak during your first meeting. They will ask who is in their first 30 days of sobriety, and they do go around the room and ask everyone to introduce themselves, but beyond that, you don't have to say anything - you can just listen. That is very useful when you're a newbie. Nobody will expect anything from you, so don't feel pressure to speak if you're not comfortable. I found that my first meeting was a good learning experience ... I just sat and listened and didn't share, but what others shared was really good for me. No pressure at all. Just show up, listen, and learn. They are behind you, and so are we. Good luck to you on this journey!
Beyond that, I would get a sponsor or temporary sponsor ASAP. You need the accountability and support. When you walk into that meeting, just sit and LISTEN to everyone ... and if there is someone in the group who you really relate to and think you could connect with, ask them if they could be your sponsor, whether temporary or long term. Usually in AA meetings, they ask at the beginning if there is anyone there who is willing to be a sponsor, and people will raise their hands. If someone feels like a good "fit" for you, approach them ... even if not, you can always ask other folks in the meeting who might make a good temp/long-term sponsor.
You don't have to speak during your first meeting. They will ask who is in their first 30 days of sobriety, and they do go around the room and ask everyone to introduce themselves, but beyond that, you don't have to say anything - you can just listen. That is very useful when you're a newbie. Nobody will expect anything from you, so don't feel pressure to speak if you're not comfortable. I found that my first meeting was a good learning experience ... I just sat and listened and didn't share, but what others shared was really good for me. No pressure at all. Just show up, listen, and learn. They are behind you, and so are we. Good luck to you on this journey!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 134
That's about what I was drinking towards the end when I first made the steps to try to get sober, it's hell. Sleep, pray to pass out, drink till I did, totally not doing any self care---not a good place to be and I'm so sorry you're feeling that way.
I did step down my intake this year, but the first time I tried to detox I too had a seizure (I had them previously but for different reasons) and just...badness. We're all worried and want you to be safe. I understand not having the funds, I don't have insurance. I did however get transferred to a hospital w/a med school--they almost always have charity care programs, look into that in the area you are if you can.
This time around I never got back up to drinking that much, and stepped down my intake and had some librium--and had gone through something medically supervised prior. I REALLY hope you can reach out to allow that, and so happy to hear you opened up to your friend. You need and deserve someone on your side in this, I'm sorry you're husband has that kind of outlook about it.
Keep posting!
I did step down my intake this year, but the first time I tried to detox I too had a seizure (I had them previously but for different reasons) and just...badness. We're all worried and want you to be safe. I understand not having the funds, I don't have insurance. I did however get transferred to a hospital w/a med school--they almost always have charity care programs, look into that in the area you are if you can.
This time around I never got back up to drinking that much, and stepped down my intake and had some librium--and had gone through something medically supervised prior. I REALLY hope you can reach out to allow that, and so happy to hear you opened up to your friend. You need and deserve someone on your side in this, I'm sorry you're husband has that kind of outlook about it.
Keep posting!
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