SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/)
-   Newcomers to Recovery (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/)
-   -   How do I explain to my friends that I am not drinking anymore? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/249641-how-do-i-explain-my-friends-i-am-not-drinking-anymore.html)

Kallum 02-23-2012 06:35 AM

How do I explain to my friends that I am not drinking anymore?
 
All my friends drink, and as far as I know, none of them have any problems with it. Alcohol is usually (always) involved when we get together.

These are my real close friends I'm talking about, not just someone i know from the bar, and they will expect me to drink next time we meet up. How do I explain to them that I stopped drinking?

zxcirce 02-23-2012 06:45 AM

Something along the lines of "I have stopped drinking."

No but seriously, well, yeah. Are you afraid of being rejected by your friends if you tell them this?

BillyPilgrim 02-23-2012 06:46 AM

If they are your friends you can tell them you are AA, they wont mind.

SSIL75 02-23-2012 06:51 AM

for those kinds of friends I told them I'd decided to quit drinking because it was depressing me. As time has gone on I've opened up more but that was enough for the start. It made it a non-negotiable statement without prompting me to burst into tears (which is what happened when I had to say the word 'alcoholic' out loud for months!).

augustwest 02-23-2012 06:52 AM

I told my friends that i'm an alcoholic. They were like "NO ****! About time you realized it."

but most of my friends changed as well, and i don't hang around my drinking friends when they drink unless it's a ball game or concert or something. I don't go to parties or bars ever.

Sapling 02-23-2012 06:59 AM

I didn't have to tell my friends...I had to find new ones. I had a strange habit of finding alkies that were worse than me and befriending them...I did this most of my life....I had to change a lot of what I did...I started with my friends....Now people that I cared about and cared about me...Simply told me they were praying I'd get help...How cool is that?

P.S. Even my Ex Wife told me that.

Kallum 02-23-2012 07:00 AM


Originally Posted by zxcirce (Post 3292933)
Something along the lines of "I have stopped drinking."

No but seriously, well, yeah. Are you afraid of being rejected by your friends if you tell them this?

They will think I am joking.. Given the humor of our group and that i've always joked a lot and talked a lot of crap, I don't think they will take it seriously at first.

I am not afraid of rejection, just in doubt how to communicate it.

But I guess just telling I have stopped drinking and why is the best way. :)

augustwest 02-23-2012 07:02 AM

you might be surprised. most people don't really give a crap why we do things. we are not as important as we think. and if someone wants to push me on my not drinking then they aren't going to be my friend anymore.

Sapling 02-23-2012 07:05 AM


Originally Posted by Kallum (Post 3292957)
I am not afraid of rejection, just in doubt how to communicate it.

Don't drink.

Rexfiles 02-23-2012 07:11 AM

When in recovery, I usually say "no, thank you".

Nothing more, nothing less.

Then I either change the subject, or the location.

Simple.

Rex

Missy7 02-23-2012 07:30 AM

I share this concern, though at this point I have told several people and then relapsed, so it would be really cool if you could tell them once and then make it stick.

When I asked the list this question months ago there was a slightly different group of readers and we had a lot of fun with this question. Some examples include: claim diet, medication, religion, alcoholism.

A solution, if you must hang out with your drinky friends, is to figure out a complex and perhaps even expensive, non-alcoholic drink you can order and order it first when the server arrives at the table. My go to drink is tomato juice. I actually love it and it often looks like a bloody mary. You could even order it with salt. But I will move away from sodas this tiime around--they feel flat.

You might be the driver. I think once you can abstain in the presence of drinking you will enjoy yourself. That said, I am currently not going to bars or restaurants at all -- until I get some time under my belt. And then I will probably start trying out new restaurants where assumptions won't be made by common servers (small town). And I think bars are a thing of the past for me. So much so that hubby did not attend a karaoke contest in which he was a semi-finalist last night. No sweat. He read to me while I sewed. But a movie would have been just as good. But that will be my AM post....

Good luck, and as others have said, most people don't care. It is only us alcoholics that count everyone's drinks. Normies don't care.

augustwest 02-23-2012 07:58 AM

early in my recovery in certain scenarios i would tell people i'm buddhist and have taken the precept to refrain from intoxicants. while this is technically true it seemed to be an ego thing for me so i quit saying it. now i'll say i don't drink to strangers and i'm a recovering alcoholic to people i know.

i've been very upfront with the people in my life about what i'm doing and it's rare that i'm in situations with strangers where drinks are offered or the question arises.

kennyC 02-23-2012 08:22 AM

There are lots of ways to approach this. Tell them you are taking some time off from drinking. Or, tell them you can't take the hangovers. Or, you feel sick when drink, the negatives outweigh the positive. Or be completely honest and say you feel that you are having a problem and want to nip it in the bud. This is what I said to my friends and family: "My drinking days are over." Everyone was cool with it. People don't care as much as you think they do.

georgemiller 02-23-2012 10:48 AM

I only have one "good" friend. And he has made fun of me every time I tell him I have a problem, even though he has seen me kill a 750 of rum in 2-4 hours countless times. He just says drink less. I have to alienate my only friend until I can recover, because he is not supportive. Good luck my friend! It is not easy to break patterns.

sober4metoday 02-23-2012 11:26 AM

I plan to tell my friends I've quit drinking next time I happen to be around them and I'm offered a drink. When they ask I'll just say, "I quit a while ago, you didn't know?"

Luckily I managed my drinking around most of my friends (I was mostly a closet drinker). So my quitting won't be that big of deal. Around the other friends who are perfectly aware of my bad habit - they won't need to ask why! lol They'll already know why! But even more, I probably won't be hanging much around them anymore anyways. ;)

jjc81 02-23-2012 11:29 AM

The first few times I worked I played it off that I just didn't feel like drinking, but in the end I told everyone that I had quit. I felt much better after I had been honest w/ everyone. True friends love you for you not what you drink :)

Joe Nerv 02-23-2012 11:35 AM

I think just saying "I decided I'm not drinking anymore," should be enough if they're really your friends. Honesty, and commitment to my resolution seemed to go a long way. I don't explain it anymore to anyone, just say I don't drink, and that's usually the end of it. If it were close friends I'd tell them because alcohol was killing me. I can't handle it like others. Period.

A bunch of my friends took bets on how long I'd stay stopped. They all lost. :)

soberlicious 02-23-2012 11:37 AM


Originally Posted by augustwest
I told my friends that i'm an alcoholic. They were like "NO ****! About time you realized it."

hahahaaaaa love this!


Originally Posted by Kallum
They will think I am joking. Given the humor of our group and that i've always joked a lot and talked a lot of crap, I don't think they will take it seriously at first.

Alot of mine didn't either. I have a rather irreverent sense of humor, too, known for smack talkin' (then and now lol) When they laughed and didn't believe me I laughed too and was like, "I know right??!!" My true friends have always backed me. Others who didn't...well I was happy to toss them out with the booze.

I have many friends who drink. Some a little, some too much. It's not about that for me. Only people who are supportive of my positive life changes are considered friends.

DeadAZ 02-23-2012 11:55 AM

I've recently dealt with a simulair situation.Im at about 12 days sober,this time.I only have a handful of real friends.People I grew up with and have known for more than half my life and you know,am generally close to.Well,I realized in the last 2 weeks that were all alcoholics.Somehow,were pushing 30,and every single one of us is some type of alcoholic.It makes me want to ball like a little baby thinking about it like that.Im the only one currently sober out of 6 of us.We all have jobs,a few have good careers and are "closet alckys"...Were all that laughable term,what is it functioning alcoholics,or functionable..somethin' like that.Well,not me man.Im a binge drinker.Have been for over 5 years.Ive tried to quit many times...Ive had alcohol poisening treated twice,the last time was almost 2 weeks ago.I have to quit for good this time.

So Im on my path,and Im feeling good.I told my buddies,and they support me.All of them.They know I can't drink like we did when we were younger,watching football and bbqing and whatnot.I could handle it,not over drink/black out.I was an every day drinker,and got it to where id drink to kill the shakes but barely get a thing out of it.And then the weekend would come and Id binge.Sorry to ramble...

What Im saying is,tell your friends.If there true friends,they'll support you.If there more of aquantinces,maybe do something else...

GrinningSoul 02-23-2012 12:41 PM

Hi there I'm new here and this thread immediately caught my eye.
I have a similar problem.

A certain friend still expects me to come to the pub and says "oh you don't have to drink" whilst they are sitting there getting drink after drink. Heck this pal said "oh but I need to get laid " (classy) in regards to us going to gay bars. Terribly selfish and in all honesty I am beginning to think she has a problem too. All this pal and other want to do is go to the pub.

I have suggested we go to do other things. Go for a walk to the park, a museum, a cafe, indoor rock climbing, bowling, swimming, or to each others place for movies and popcorn. Why must socializing involve bars and alcohol? I realized aside from the fact I have a problem a main reason we drink is because its terribly boring sitting in a bar sober. I just wish she would get the fact I am an addict and her pressuring me into going to bars is incredibly selfish.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:55 AM.