Members Over Forty Club
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Members Over Forty Club
Would like to hear from members over forty and older about their challenges and successes with gaining sobriety. I get alot of support from everyone at SR but I am turning 50 in June, and would like to hear from some over forty year olds how THEY are coping?
I already am worried about being sober and traveling, going to work functions, dating at midlife, family gatherings, entertaining, health, dealing with adult children, caregiving parents...and the list goes on. Probably at only two weeks sober I am WAY ahead of myself, but at least it shows I am committed if I'm wondering about ways to cope in the future...
I would appreciate any posts to help those in this bracket cope with our particular challenges....
I already am worried about being sober and traveling, going to work functions, dating at midlife, family gatherings, entertaining, health, dealing with adult children, caregiving parents...and the list goes on. Probably at only two weeks sober I am WAY ahead of myself, but at least it shows I am committed if I'm wondering about ways to cope in the future...
I would appreciate any posts to help those in this bracket cope with our particular challenges....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 40
"AA for the Older Alcoholic"
Thanks for starting this thread. I too am over 40 (45) and look forward to reading posts. After my 1st AA meeting on Saturday, I picked up only one pamphlet. I chose the "AA for the Older Alcoholic". I had a much needed chuckle as I read the pamphlet was about alcoholics who came to grips with their alcoholism around the age of 60.
Those stories helped me realize its never too late to find a new way and that happiness, sanity and serenity starts whenever you choose regardless of age. That was what I needed to read exactly when I needed it and I am so grateful!
Those stories helped me realize its never too late to find a new way and that happiness, sanity and serenity starts whenever you choose regardless of age. That was what I needed to read exactly when I needed it and I am so grateful!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New Britain, Ct.
Posts: 76
I have a friend in the program, that celebrated 20 years sober last year.....he is 93......it ain't NEVER too late.....
I first came in at 41, had many good 24 hours, a great time, and after several relapse after lengthy periods of time of sobriety, am coming back at 56.
Just don't worry about it, and one day at a time, you will appreciate your new gift.
Heck, at 50 your jest a KID anyway......LOL!!!!!
Rex
I first came in at 41, had many good 24 hours, a great time, and after several relapse after lengthy periods of time of sobriety, am coming back at 56.
Just don't worry about it, and one day at a time, you will appreciate your new gift.
Heck, at 50 your jest a KID anyway......LOL!!!!!
Rex
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
wow- now there's a thread that kinda covers anything LOL!
I'm 60. Got clean n sober at 44. Became immersed in Life in a big way- have faced numerous challenges along the way
"traveling, going to work functions, dating at midlife, family gatherings, entertaining, health, dealing with adult children, caregiving parents"
have done all those [my friends would say i have done them well] and stayed clean/sober. As well as:
started a business , sold it, held my son thru 10 days of coma and his slow recovery from Traumatic Brain Injury-became his primary care giver, buried my father and brother [ had already made amends long before] , paid off my mortgage and bought a few other homes, won a couple awards in my profession, wrote a novel, loved and lost some pretty wonderful women, took month long camping/fishing trips, read lots of Rumi.
It is still about TODAY however- i start with my son coming over and we fix b'fast together - then read a couple daily reflection style readings to each other . Right now , i have time to work each day on a 31' catamarn i am building, we feed the chickens and gather the eggs, i almost always have a sponsee who calls and/or i will call my sponsor - if the temp gets out of the 30s i will make a town run on the Drifter to get mail, i either ride a bicycle or lift weights daily.
and tonight i will hit an NA meeting
I'm 60. Got clean n sober at 44. Became immersed in Life in a big way- have faced numerous challenges along the way
"traveling, going to work functions, dating at midlife, family gatherings, entertaining, health, dealing with adult children, caregiving parents"
have done all those [my friends would say i have done them well] and stayed clean/sober. As well as:
started a business , sold it, held my son thru 10 days of coma and his slow recovery from Traumatic Brain Injury-became his primary care giver, buried my father and brother [ had already made amends long before] , paid off my mortgage and bought a few other homes, won a couple awards in my profession, wrote a novel, loved and lost some pretty wonderful women, took month long camping/fishing trips, read lots of Rumi.
It is still about TODAY however- i start with my son coming over and we fix b'fast together - then read a couple daily reflection style readings to each other . Right now , i have time to work each day on a 31' catamarn i am building, we feed the chickens and gather the eggs, i almost always have a sponsee who calls and/or i will call my sponsor - if the temp gets out of the 30s i will make a town run on the Drifter to get mail, i either ride a bicycle or lift weights daily.
and tonight i will hit an NA meeting
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
I am 53 next month. Got finally sober four weeks ago today. Was dating before that point, but drinking secretly. Decided that was not a good foundation for a long relationship, so came clean and got clean.
Four weeks in life is better. I exercise more, eat well , infact in short enjoy life, and am even starting to like myself
Four weeks in life is better. I exercise more, eat well , infact in short enjoy life, and am even starting to like myself
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 226
Age is just a number as it is said 
I am 44 and find many others both in my age group and time in sobriety. The work/travel thing is hard; if you let it be so.
I just returned from a 3 day trip to NYC where the collective expense accounts were burning red-hot at top tier restaurants on client outings. I actually felt HIGHLY empowered to not only avoid the high class wines that were ordered, but to pay for them. I won't lie and say it was easy, but it was very empowering (especially when others became visibily and audibly inebriated). A client asked me why I wasnt drinking and I told him 'actually Joe, I am a professional drinker'. After the dinner he asked if I was in the program as his wife has been for many years. He said he had the upmost respect for us in recovery and told me that by showing an AA coin to my server, all of my non-alcoholic drinks were usually FOC (worked like a charm).
My point is: if you are mentally prepared to face alcohol at whatever gathering, meeting or trip you have scheduled, its much easier. Research meetings beforehand. Utilize SR whenever you can. Have the front-desk remove all alcohol from the minibar. Do what it takes to fiercely defend your sobriety and your life.
My experience and stay true to you.
G
I am 44 and find many others both in my age group and time in sobriety. The work/travel thing is hard; if you let it be so.
I just returned from a 3 day trip to NYC where the collective expense accounts were burning red-hot at top tier restaurants on client outings. I actually felt HIGHLY empowered to not only avoid the high class wines that were ordered, but to pay for them. I won't lie and say it was easy, but it was very empowering (especially when others became visibily and audibly inebriated). A client asked me why I wasnt drinking and I told him 'actually Joe, I am a professional drinker'. After the dinner he asked if I was in the program as his wife has been for many years. He said he had the upmost respect for us in recovery and told me that by showing an AA coin to my server, all of my non-alcoholic drinks were usually FOC (worked like a charm).
My point is: if you are mentally prepared to face alcohol at whatever gathering, meeting or trip you have scheduled, its much easier. Research meetings beforehand. Utilize SR whenever you can. Have the front-desk remove all alcohol from the minibar. Do what it takes to fiercely defend your sobriety and your life.
My experience and stay true to you.
G
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
I am thrilled to see this thread and hope it continues for a very long time or even becomes a stand alone room or link or whatever you savy computer people call it ;-). Really excited to read the success of those of us who have a few decades under our belts. Today is day 40 for me and at the ripe old age of 53, I feel better, from head to toe, than I have since I can remember. 12 years of drinking, the last 6.5 problematic, are but a memory. Happy Thursday, gang!!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
I'm 51, got sober at 34 and while I have certainly been exposed to some pretty tough life on life's terms, I know for a fact that I don't need alcohol to get through them.
The difference is that in my youth and drunkeness, I let those circumstances define me. Today, I live well, and can smile and say I don't let circumstance define me. I live well in spite of circumstance.
Plus, I carry more insurance now. (I know, cheap ripoff from the movie)
The difference is that in my youth and drunkeness, I let those circumstances define me. Today, I live well, and can smile and say I don't let circumstance define me. I live well in spite of circumstance.
Plus, I carry more insurance now. (I know, cheap ripoff from the movie)
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
I got sober at 46 and have remained that way these past 13 years with the support of family and friends and AA.
I chose to be quite open about my efforts to get and stay sober. The people in my life whether it was business associates, family or ladies that I dated were always supportive and from that support and my participation in AA came the strength to get and stay sober.
I have always attended and participated in social situations where alcohol was present and I found that since those around me knew I was an alcoholic it made saying no to offered drinks easier. The women that I have dated continued to have the glass of wine when we went to dinner and in fact they often were the ones who let their friends know that when we were going to be guests at the parties that their friends invited us to, that Jon doesn't drink, and there was always a club soda or a soft drink offered when we showed up at the party.
I cannot count how many times someone has quietly pulled me aside and asked about my sobriety and how I did it as they have someone in their lives who has "a problem." This has given me an opportunity to be of service if my experience helped someone else.
My life has been so rich in the last 13 years and while not without life's usual ups and downs, it has been much better than it would have been drunk. In fact I am quite sure I wouldn't be around if I hadn't made the decision I did some years ago.
Best wishes on your decision and I suggest that you allow those around you who care about you to lend their support. They will.
Jon
I chose to be quite open about my efforts to get and stay sober. The people in my life whether it was business associates, family or ladies that I dated were always supportive and from that support and my participation in AA came the strength to get and stay sober.
I have always attended and participated in social situations where alcohol was present and I found that since those around me knew I was an alcoholic it made saying no to offered drinks easier. The women that I have dated continued to have the glass of wine when we went to dinner and in fact they often were the ones who let their friends know that when we were going to be guests at the parties that their friends invited us to, that Jon doesn't drink, and there was always a club soda or a soft drink offered when we showed up at the party.
I cannot count how many times someone has quietly pulled me aside and asked about my sobriety and how I did it as they have someone in their lives who has "a problem." This has given me an opportunity to be of service if my experience helped someone else.
My life has been so rich in the last 13 years and while not without life's usual ups and downs, it has been much better than it would have been drunk. In fact I am quite sure I wouldn't be around if I hadn't made the decision I did some years ago.
Best wishes on your decision and I suggest that you allow those around you who care about you to lend their support. They will.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: a better place
Posts: 66
HI EternalQ..
I will be 43 in less than a month. This is my first earnest attempt at sobriety. I am looking at it as a new spiritual path. My family is supportive, and though my friends don't really "get" it (the ones I've told) they respect it, or at least act like they do. The only thing is, many of my former social activities revolved around drink. I worry about work gatherings and entertaining as well, which usually ALWAYS involve cocktails, wine, (or both in my case) I miss my red wine!! ALOT.
I need to find new "hobbies" etc that will keep me involved socially, or I am sure to get a bad case of dry drunk syndrome...haven't started dating again, but not looking forward to disclosing this issue to prospective partners in the over 40 crowd as I am not sure I would have dated a man who disclosed this problem to me before I realized I had it. Sigh.
By the way, I love your Dickinson quote about truth. Have you ever read "On the Decay of the Art of Lying" by Mark Twain? It is a pretty funny Southern ode to excessive politeness (and maybe codependency) that might make you laugh. Makes me wonder if Twain enjoyed a bit of the drink.
I will be 43 in less than a month. This is my first earnest attempt at sobriety. I am looking at it as a new spiritual path. My family is supportive, and though my friends don't really "get" it (the ones I've told) they respect it, or at least act like they do. The only thing is, many of my former social activities revolved around drink. I worry about work gatherings and entertaining as well, which usually ALWAYS involve cocktails, wine, (or both in my case) I miss my red wine!! ALOT.
I need to find new "hobbies" etc that will keep me involved socially, or I am sure to get a bad case of dry drunk syndrome...haven't started dating again, but not looking forward to disclosing this issue to prospective partners in the over 40 crowd as I am not sure I would have dated a man who disclosed this problem to me before I realized I had it. Sigh.
By the way, I love your Dickinson quote about truth. Have you ever read "On the Decay of the Art of Lying" by Mark Twain? It is a pretty funny Southern ode to excessive politeness (and maybe codependency) that might make you laugh. Makes me wonder if Twain enjoyed a bit of the drink.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I will be 50 on February 27th and decided that sobriety is the best gift I could possibly give myself this year. I can't remember a birthday where I wasn't drunk, so this will be the first one in a long time. Hopefully I can spend as many years sober as I spent drunk.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: McKinney, Texas
Posts: 2
I was 49 when I finally put the bottle (and the pipe) down. A whole adult life spent being high. For me, it was the fear of continuing that life that kept me sober for a long time. The fear is still a primary motivator. But now, the gifts of sobriety are equally important. I do not want to lose what I have found - serenity, an awesome Higher Power, and the absence of hang-overs, bruises, broken bones, etc.
After more than 15 years, living one day at a time is still the best way to stay sober and reasonably happy. The only day that is important is today. I can do pretty much anything for one day, including not picking up.
Every time I did something sober for the first time, I gained confidence in the process. Doing the steps, attending meetings, and relying on those with more experience than me was also critical.
But more than anything else - staying in the day. Reduces worry and stress. Keeps life simple. Keeps me sober.
After more than 15 years, living one day at a time is still the best way to stay sober and reasonably happy. The only day that is important is today. I can do pretty much anything for one day, including not picking up.
Every time I did something sober for the first time, I gained confidence in the process. Doing the steps, attending meetings, and relying on those with more experience than me was also critical.
But more than anything else - staying in the day. Reduces worry and stress. Keeps life simple. Keeps me sober.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
I turned 50 last April and realized I wanted to live a lot longer! It was finally time to grow up! Functions sober? Please! I'm growing up, it's not necessary to drink. I wish I learned this at 25 when I attended my first AA meeting! AT 9months+, all is wonderful!!!
I heard about several people who waited much longer to stay stopped and others who finally indulged at a later age and within a year or so of just starting their drinking career, they were full blown alcoholics!
Everyone's life journey is theirs, Welcome to SR!
I heard about several people who waited much longer to stay stopped and others who finally indulged at a later age and within a year or so of just starting their drinking career, they were full blown alcoholics!
Everyone's life journey is theirs, Welcome to SR!
MINEr
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 505
42 years old here, got sober at 41. Since I was out for so long(started when I was 12ish), I actually feel like I am growing up all over again, on my terms. It's a fun ride, though many times I feel so distant from those my age just because of the difference in maturity and material success, but I try to let it go and let the plan work.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
I'm 45..
Was taken to my 1st meeting at 19, after a year long stint in Europe. Apparently getting deported from 2 seperate countries raises red flags. I didn't start getting serious until 8 years ago with varing success. My latest period of continuous sobriety was for 18months, Since then I've been bingeing every month or so, and to be perfectly frank, I'm f***** sick beyond all belief of the whole roller coaster ride.
I think I'm ready for permanent sobriety now. Something is different this tlme and while I don't want to sound like a cheerleader, i think SR has a lot to do with it. I've got a few unpleasant tasks coming up soon but am trying to remain cautiously optimistic.
Also, looking forward to returning to work, possibly a 'get well' job. I'm very employable in my field but self esteem has take heavy damage.
Thanks
Was taken to my 1st meeting at 19, after a year long stint in Europe. Apparently getting deported from 2 seperate countries raises red flags. I didn't start getting serious until 8 years ago with varing success. My latest period of continuous sobriety was for 18months, Since then I've been bingeing every month or so, and to be perfectly frank, I'm f***** sick beyond all belief of the whole roller coaster ride.
I think I'm ready for permanent sobriety now. Something is different this tlme and while I don't want to sound like a cheerleader, i think SR has a lot to do with it. I've got a few unpleasant tasks coming up soon but am trying to remain cautiously optimistic.
Also, looking forward to returning to work, possibly a 'get well' job. I'm very employable in my field but self esteem has take heavy damage.
Thanks
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,775
just turned 60 last year and sober for two years now. I'm a single empty-nester and happily so. i don't go out much and rarely to parties and such so turning down drinks rarely happens. biggest thing for me was not drinking in my home alone all the time as i was an all day every day wino.
when i was in my youth i was a heavy drinker but gave it up in my thirties and was sober for over twenty years until i started drinking again at age 57. it was much harder to get off it this time round. but my sobriety is priceless and i value it over anything.
I'm a single empty-nester and happily so. i don't go out much and rarely to parties and such so turning down drinks rarely happens. biggest thing for me was not drinking in my home alone all the time as i was an all day every day wino. when i was in my youth i was a heavy drinker but gave it up in my thirties and was sober for over twenty years until i started drinking again at age 57. it was much harder to get off it this time round. but my sobriety is priceless and i value it over anything.
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