Terminally Unique

I'm know that many are tempted to quit 'just for today', as opposed to once and forever, particularly people just starting out, so I thought this might be a good topic for this forum. My preference, of course, is to quit for good.

What are your thoughts on this?

sober4metoday

I don't want to ever drink again. Alcohol is no friend of mine!

Sapling

Quitting for good for me....But one day at a time worked for me as I worked through the 12 steps of AA...Without the spiritual tools I have now...That was all I could handle. I've come to the point in my recovery where it's not about drinking one day at a time..It's about living right...one day at a time. That make sense?

Terminally Unique

Yes, it does. 'One day at a time' comes from the the serenity prayer, and refers to living one day at a time, or possibly in the moment. It has been perverted to imply quitting just one-day-at-a-time.

Dee74

When I started I'd drunk for 20 years and daily all day for 5....alcohol was the major component of my life...

'Forever' was too immense for me - 'quitting for today' seemed achievable tho.

After a while of 'quitting for today', I was able to accept the idea of quitting for forever.

I think both ways have their adherents and their critics.

For me, I went into it, not wanting to drinking again, but I had a lot fo fear and self doubt.

'Just for today' was my way of short circuiting that fear and doubt.

I went into it understanding that the commitment not to drink needed to be re-made everyday...& quitting for today initially got me to where I needed to be.

D

Sapling

But at that point in my recovery...Not drinking one day at a time was key for me...I had enough on my plate without trying to swallow never drinking again...

lillyknitting

Believe me, I would love to say quit for good. In fact I have said many many times, never, ever, ever again, but.... I always seem to go back. The temptation for the drink always seems to win and I end up back in trouble again. I suppose to say just for today is easier on the brain, I can do anything for one day, then of course tomorrow never comes. With my ambivalent brain it's always saying..." what about when you go out Saturday, what about when you get invited to so and so" and on and on and on.....help

Terminally Unique

I'm certainly familiar with this logic, and fully aware of the fear and self-doubt that comes with quitting once and for all, having experienced it myself. I suppose it comes down to methodology. Quitting forever absolutely causes stress, but it also induces a 'breakdown' of the addictive mentality, forcing it to go on the defensive.

At that point, the addicted person will know what he is actually up against. The common wisdom is that stress leads to addiction, but I think it actually leads to recovery. I'm also well aware, however, that 'failure' might lead to the proverbial 'Step 1 experience'.

topspin

Totally agree, my experience early on was so similiar

Not drinking "no matter what" was more of my focus early on. Achieving that, occasionally only one day at a time, for a few months began to change things radically. It was pretty obvious what the ultimate outcome looked like. Doing whatever work necessary to mentally change into a non drinker.

Not easy, not instant .....but seeing how much easier and more rewarding life has become;

it's the most precious gift I could've ever given myself.

Lily

For me, now, I think it is just one day at a time, or just for now... as I talk my thoughts captive....if my mind even starts to think about how it could be fun....I confess the thought, and ask God (my HP) to change it. I do that w/ a lot of other things too I have no business even thinking about!

flutter

For some reason the one day at a time stuff screwed with my head, made me think that one day I would drink again. I felt more strongly committed to my recovery once I started thinking in terms of never and forever.

Terminally Unique

In my twisted mind, 'one-day-at-a-time' just meant 'check back with me tomorrow', but no promises.

MentalLoop

TU - I'm going to try and cheat this answer. I think anybody who is genuinely trying to get off the sauce, it has to be forever.....but......if you accept that forever, by definition means you can't drink tomorrow...then isn't it useless to worry about tomorrow? Meaning, you know you will have to not drink tomorrow, and the day after, and after that. So - shouldn't you just get passed today, because tomorrow will be another fight, as will the next day?

StPeteGrad

I can only quit for today. But none of my future plans involve drinking.
If I keep living right I hope I'll never have to drink again.

eJoshua

Are you asking if I plan on drinking ever again? If so, the answer is no.

I do think of my life/recovery like a long race though, and like a good runner I take it one step at a time.

GirlFromCO

Good thread, TU. I'd like to share my personal experience.

"One day at a time" got me through some rough spots. When I quit, I wasn't very good at self discipline and I didn't have the strength to stay sober forever. I couldn't force myself to do much of anything in those early days, especially not imagine what I was going through lasting for the rest of my life. Once I hit my stride after a couple of months, long term sobriety suddenly seemed so much more appealing. I went through a lot of changes at breakneck speed as I got sober. I very gradually regained the ability the imagine the future, and recognized my responsibility in creating it.

Forever seems more attainable now, but back then my denial and shame wouldn't let me see past a day or two. Time heals, but back then I had no time between myself and my appalling behavior. 8 months later I am blushing in shame and there is a knot in my heart as I recall some of the things I've done. The need to get away from the reality of what my life had become was so strong, and I was so confused and afraid... I would tell myself "one hour more" sometimes to get through the night. That trick saved my butt many times when I was too weak to contemplate "forever."

I'm not even totally there now, honestly. Although I agree in that in a perfect world I should be able to confidently say that I will never drink again and I will never change my mind... I'm still not that strong. Right now, I can comfortably push my first drink forward a couple of years, longer as time goes on, but it's still there. I wish I could say I'll never drink again. I expect that as this new life gets more comfortable and seems more real, I'll feel better about that proposition. I imagine it's got to be incredibly freeing to know that you are done with it for ever.

Terminally Unique

If I'm your wife/husband/SO/son/daughter whose life has been ripped apart by your preposterous drunken behavior, quitting 'just for today' is simply not good enough. It adds insult to injury. Hop on to the Friends and Family forum to see what they think about quitting 'just for today', leaving the door wide open for yummy 'relapses' tomorrow.

GirlFromCO

What? This is a stretch. Sobriety doesn't last if you're doing it for any reason except your OWN desire for sanity - you see that over and over her in the forums. Also, show me an active addict who ever gave a crap about what their loved ones thought of their behavior. We have also seen that time and again here, and lived it too. I reckon that a string of days gained one at a time feels just as good as the same amount of days quit for life to a suffering loved one. In fact, they probably can't tell the difference at all - just a guess.

wellwisher

To be honest with you, TU, I'm betting that a bold declaration of "I am a non-drinker" would probably carry the same weight with the members of the Friends and Family Forum as the promise of not drinking one day at a time. The impact of our promises are nothing; it is our actions that count. I would also venture to say that one single action does not make all right in their world. It is the culmination of actions that may re-spark their trust in us; and it is probably safe to say that even though we change our ways, there is no guarantee they will ever trust us again.

I hated what I became while I was drinking, and saw my reflection clearly in the eyes of my loved ones. I had to focus on what I became and to change that; the benefits of that change were that I regained the trust of some; but to others, the damage was done and they chose not to touch the hot iron again. I understand and came to terms with it. It saddens me on occassion to reflect on that loss, but the reality is, I created it.

My new reality was created one day at a time. It was kind of like building a house with a strong foundation. I knew I wanted to build a new and different house that could accommodate a lot of guests and family, but if I looked at all the work in front of me, I would be overwhelmed. So I laid down one brick at a time, and before I knew it, I had the foundation laid, and I made sure I had a lot of doorways to move from room to room, and ultimately ended up building the house I envisioned. It's rooms are now filled with people. It is a far cry from where I was - alone, isolated, filled with anger and hatred.

Believe me, I had my Scarlett O'Hara moments where I gave broad exclamations of "As God is my witness, I will never drink again", but for me, they didn't work. I have, however, witnessed others who have done those exclamations and it just plain befuddled me that they in fact DID stop the madness. Amazing.

Is one way better than another? My experience tells me that it truly depends on the personality type, and the toolbox they build to deal with the addiction. It has to make sense for us.

awuh1

This discussion is started with the “poll” question, Is it better to quit 'just for today' or once and forever?

The question I have is “better for whom?” The question is phrased as though there can be a single correct answer. I have trouble with those who think that there is a single correct method to follow or a single right way to look at things in recovery. In another thread the phrase “a room full of one-day-at-a-timer's teetering on the edge of relapse” was used. To my mind this is just not helpful. Least of all in the “newcomers to recovery” section.