Terminally Unique

My gravestone will read "... and he never drank again!"

Purplecatlover

I hope that is true for all of us!

RobbyRobot

And best to you too, BHF.

I tried the - 'I dont need anyone else's validation' - and it became a lonely crawl in the darkness with the smallest of lights to see what was what within my journey. As it turned out, I am not an island. Selfishness and self-centerdness exist both in sobriety and drunkeness. I have learned that some simple validations can be a humbling experience and create a deep learning opportunity of how to be less centric to myself.

RobbyRobot

Awesome, TU. I appreciate the validation.

BHF

I have a different understanding of the word validation, I guess. Validation, or approval, by others has seldom proven to be a humbling experience for me, but rather an opportunity for grandiose thoughts.

RobbyRobot

Yes, I agree. And yet, in the knowing of that grandiose possibility or opportunity to be absurd is given the way forward pointing to the exit from that same grandiosity into a humbling gratitude for the original validation.

Terminally Unique

I read it the first time, but this has nothing to do with it, BHF. A large part of the reason people stay addicted is because the very people who are supposed to help them spread toxic hopelessness and knock their knees out from under them. They say to them, much like you did,

Dee74

I'd hate for this thread to move from a sharing of our experiences to a critiquing or denigrating of other people's experiences...

let's keep the mutual respect for different points of view happening.

thanks
D

GirlFromCO

Lol, as opposed to the people trying to help them who tell them that it's only worth doing if you're perfect at it.

Different people just have different ways. You keep talking about a lowest common denominator, but I see it the opposite way. Who cares how we get there as long as we're sober? Why does it have to be done a certain way for you to take it seriously?

soberlicious

I agree. When I shared, in an ODAT setting, that I was never going to drink again a hush fell over the room. "You CAN'T say that", "you don't know that", "that's not how it's done", "you are on a pink cloud" "you are already on the way to a relapse" LOL It really was looked upon as blasphemous. Wow...really??

Ranger

<shrug> And in this very thread people who embrace the ODAAT approach have been told their approach is lowest common denominator, unfortunate for their loved ones, and a lower standard.

No great astuteness is required to see there's more than enough hubris on both sides of this fence.

Rexfiles

Of course I enter recovery with the desire to remain sober, but also to grow spiritually and emotionally, and remain healthy for as long as possible

i.e., Not try to accelerate or aid in my own misery or demise.

But also to spread my gift as much as humanly possible.

Helping others not only helps them, but myself too.

I just choose to do it just for today.

Why that would urinate in anybody else's cheerios entirely escapes this alcoholic....

Just the way I prefer to live my life.

Peace.

Rex

Terminally Unique

It's always worth doing, but why sell yourself short and aim for the lowest passing grade?

A large part of the reason formerly addicted people are not trusted to stay sober by society at large is because people in recovery say that they can't be trusted to stay sober. They tell the world that relapse is a part of recovery, something to be expected.

They go on national TV talking about how they need to get a new 'accountability partner' so that they don't have yet another inexplicable relapse. If they don't take themselves seriously, it is practically assured that others won't, either. That's just the way the world works.

GirlFromCO

LOL, I thought this class was pass/fail, not graded, TU!

What other people do to achieve sobriety is none of my business. The only part that matters to me is whether or not they are successful. Likewise, what other people think of me is none of my business. I'm a gal who believes that actions speak louder than words.

PS, I'm also really happy that I'm not famous, or else the whole world would get to watch my struggles and make assumptions about other addicts based on my actions.

PPS, Still love this thread

soberlicious

You're right, Ranger. Personally speaking, I have never told anyone successfully using ODAT as a means for quitting that they are in fact not having success. I was not offended by the statements made to me. They make perfect sense within the paradigm of the 12 step program. I just didn't agree, and I still don't.

Terminally Unique

I say what I say because I believe addicted people are capable of much more than they think they are capable of, and because everyone and their brother is telling them otherwise. As my signature implies, I have full faith in everyone's capacity to permanently recover from addiction, even if they do not.

stillnotdrinkin

After not drinking for 2 1/4 years, I have found that I have been fantasizing about drinking when I hope to be retired down in the Florida Keys in 9 years when I turn 60. I picture myself spending nights at fun tiki bars and fishing most days. I know it is not possible for me to drink in my profession given the way I tended to drink. I would give the odds of me becoming a successful retired controlled heavy drinker (if such a thing exists) at less than 10%. It will most likely put me back where I finished last time or worse. Nonethless, I use this to help keep me sober when the urge to drink becomes overwhelming and pray that in 9 years I come up with an alternative strategy or philosophy to keep me sober.

RobbyRobot

Fantasizing and projecting ourselves into a desired drinking solution into a possible future is a sure stumbling block sooner or later. Desire is a slippery slope. Desire likes to be fed and eventually the desire becomes the thing itself that is craved, and not so much the fantasy any longer -- ie we simply crave so much the desire we simply decide to satisfy that desire. In this case a drink would satisfy that desire.

You may want to revisit your strategy for securing your retirement.

Mark75

I didn't answer the question. I don't know how to. I can't select both, LOL.

I definitely "get" both sides to this question and I like the idea that they are intertwined, I think Robby talked about that, others may have too.

If I truly live my life one day at a time... then I don't drink one day at a time, I go to work one day at a time, I come home one day at a time... the whole deal. That doesn't mean I don't plan for the future, or don't have goals... all that.

I feel that "not drinking one day at a time" is not some kind of cop out... and that it does not imply ... "but I might drink tomorrow" ... not at all.

All things are possible tomorrow, well... within the context of my life, anyway... but I do have a rough idea of what tomorrow will bring. Drinking isn't one of them.

Hmmmmmm.... I'll go back and answer your poll question.

Dee74

Why not come up with a plan that works for now and in 9 years time as well, SND?

D