Matilda99

Hi everyone, I came to SR before but haven't been back for a while, unfortunately. Thought I was fine, could handle drinking...but today is day 2 after about a 9 day binge. Really feel like I messed things up, mortified about what I could have done/said to people. Was alone much of the time so I guess I'll never know.

Anyway, giving it a try again and hopefully this time will work out better. I just have to remember that even though I feel okay, it's NOT ok to go drink.

Was feeling pretty low yesterday, but for some reason this morning I received a bit of hope when there was a huge thunderstorm...might not make sense but sortof reminded me there was something out there bigger than me, for some reason that made me feel a little better, a little less self-loathing and more willing to try and get through this.

Thanks for letting me share, I hope to be around more often now!

least

i don't find it strange. sometimes a thunderstorm during the day is a good thing.

glad you're back and trying again. i didn't get sober for real for a while after i first wanted sobriety. i'd try and fail, over and over, but one day it just clicked with me and i've now got over two years sober.

keep on keepin' on. you can do this.

Sapling

Welcome back...Count it as a lesson learned...Are you going to try anything different this time?....Come up with a new plan?

Matilda99

Thanks! My new plan is to go to therapy and KEEP going, to not quit when I start to feel better or like I don't need it.

Also to make an honest commitment to get through 40 days without alcohol. If I tell myself I'll never drink again I'm afraid it will be harder to stick with it. So maybe not a perfect plan, but hopefully it will at least get me started?

MycoolFitz

Welcome back been on SR years but had my dumps always a new day a new way

Sapling

It's a start....Why don't you just focus on not drinking today...And tomorrow...Do the same thing again....Good luck with the therapy....Ask your therapist if he/she thinks it might be good to add another recovery plan along with it...There are some good ones out there...Best of luck to you.

Matilda99

Thanks Sapling, I will. He is an addiction counselor, and has suggested AA before but somehow when I went there it seemed uncomfortable.

As far as seeing him again, I know it is dumb to feel scared to go back to therapy because I have "failed," because that's what they're there for I suppose...but has anyone else ever felt that way? I'm going to go, but somehow going back again feels harder than going the first time.

sober4metoday

I'm new to this board as well and I'm giving this thing all I've got. I'm sitting at the computer just like you, feeling a lot like you and wanting the same thing for myself that you want for yourself. There is a lot of comfort in knowing that I'm not alone and that there is a group of people either going through or that have gone through what I'm dealing with. I hope you can find comfort in this as well and stay strong. I know that for today it has helped me stay strong.

Dee74

Welcome back matilda

D