Day 52
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Day 52
Hi everyone, I haven't posted in awhile.
So in the last couple of weeks I've figured out how to handle my dead friend's get together (at a bar), went to dinner with friends while they had cocktails, handled a stressful moment with my younger brother, and kept in touch with my new sober friends.
My dead friend's get together: A friend decided it would be fun to have the gathering at a bar. For me, not so fun. Since my anxiety regarding this dilemma, I've had a few friends approach me who have also gotten sober and also share my anxiety and nervousness. We've come up with a plan: We will have dinner beforehand and show up to the gathering with coffee in hand. I'll drive a separate vehicle in the event my DH wants to stay and I need to leave.
Recent dinner with friends: Went well with one minor bump, which I think I actually handled well! Conversation began about a nearby restaurant/bar that my friend frequents. Her husband said, "well, why didn't we go there tonight?". And my friend responds in a whisper we all heard, "because it's more of a bar...." while glancing at me. Awkward! Her husband didn't skip a beat and conversation continued to which I was grateful. I thought about explaining but decided I didn't need to explain. The rest of the dinner was uneventful.
My younger brother is a total pothead and is quickly becoming a full-time a-hole. Dealing with him is hard. In the past, I would ignore his rude comments and drink to numb myself out. This time, after trying unsuccessful to meet up with him and receiving rude, hurtful comments back, I hung up the phone and gave it several hours of thought. The next day I called him back and confronted him with it, explaining how I felt and telling him that I loved him. I don't think it did a ton of difference with our relationship except for I realized I can handle these things without getting drunk.
New sober friends: I'm yet to do yoga with one, another I meet casually right before our nearby meeting, and I haven't made contact with the one I might choose for a sponsor.
I had one lady from a mtg tell me I better get a sponsor or else I'll drink. I hate statements like that. Absolutes don't sit well with me. Call it alcoholic thought or whatever, but it bugs me. Don't tell me I can't do something, don't tell me I'll fail if I don't do X. Maybe it worked for you but honestly I'd rather someone just work on themselves than give me unsolicited advice.
I'm still freaked out about this: I found out that my colleague who committed suicide attended the same mtgs I go to now. He made quite a bit of friends as he reached a year of sobriety. What trips me out is this: Me and my old drinking work buddies would go to this bar that is about a block from my mtgs. While my group was busy getting wasted, my colleague was attending mtgs. We all work together. They were devastated to learn about his suicide. But the day we found out we headed to that bar to get drunk.
So in the last couple of weeks I've figured out how to handle my dead friend's get together (at a bar), went to dinner with friends while they had cocktails, handled a stressful moment with my younger brother, and kept in touch with my new sober friends.
My dead friend's get together: A friend decided it would be fun to have the gathering at a bar. For me, not so fun. Since my anxiety regarding this dilemma, I've had a few friends approach me who have also gotten sober and also share my anxiety and nervousness. We've come up with a plan: We will have dinner beforehand and show up to the gathering with coffee in hand. I'll drive a separate vehicle in the event my DH wants to stay and I need to leave.
Recent dinner with friends: Went well with one minor bump, which I think I actually handled well! Conversation began about a nearby restaurant/bar that my friend frequents. Her husband said, "well, why didn't we go there tonight?". And my friend responds in a whisper we all heard, "because it's more of a bar...." while glancing at me. Awkward! Her husband didn't skip a beat and conversation continued to which I was grateful. I thought about explaining but decided I didn't need to explain. The rest of the dinner was uneventful.
My younger brother is a total pothead and is quickly becoming a full-time a-hole. Dealing with him is hard. In the past, I would ignore his rude comments and drink to numb myself out. This time, after trying unsuccessful to meet up with him and receiving rude, hurtful comments back, I hung up the phone and gave it several hours of thought. The next day I called him back and confronted him with it, explaining how I felt and telling him that I loved him. I don't think it did a ton of difference with our relationship except for I realized I can handle these things without getting drunk.
New sober friends: I'm yet to do yoga with one, another I meet casually right before our nearby meeting, and I haven't made contact with the one I might choose for a sponsor.
I had one lady from a mtg tell me I better get a sponsor or else I'll drink. I hate statements like that. Absolutes don't sit well with me. Call it alcoholic thought or whatever, but it bugs me. Don't tell me I can't do something, don't tell me I'll fail if I don't do X. Maybe it worked for you but honestly I'd rather someone just work on themselves than give me unsolicited advice.
I'm still freaked out about this: I found out that my colleague who committed suicide attended the same mtgs I go to now. He made quite a bit of friends as he reached a year of sobriety. What trips me out is this: Me and my old drinking work buddies would go to this bar that is about a block from my mtgs. While my group was busy getting wasted, my colleague was attending mtgs. We all work together. They were devastated to learn about his suicide. But the day we found out we headed to that bar to get drunk.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
I had one lady from a mtg tell me I better get a sponsor or else I'll drink.
Ya, people say some strange things, in & out of AA!
What would be strongly suggested is to identify someone who has the personal knowledge & experience of a psychic change and has learned how to apply the principles of the program as a way of life.
That will probably keep you from drinking and equally as important allow you to change, aquire coping skills, grow and become the lady you always wanted to become.
Ya, people say some strange things, in & out of AA!
What would be strongly suggested is to identify someone who has the personal knowledge & experience of a psychic change and has learned how to apply the principles of the program as a way of life.
That will probably keep you from drinking and equally as important allow you to change, aquire coping skills, grow and become the lady you always wanted to become.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Hi 1 Day!
I did not take the lady's comment personally. It seemed as though she wanted to help me but perhaps saw that the only way she could remain sober was with a sponsor.
Someday, I'd like to be one of those people who rarely attend an AA meeting, if only to visit with friends or perhaps remind myself of the past. I want to get to a point where I am transformed, living a new life, without being obsessed with drinking, AA, or a sponsor.
Thanks Johnny Detox! We thought our plan is smooth too. The meetup is over a week away. I cannot wait to see my old friends!
I did not take the lady's comment personally. It seemed as though she wanted to help me but perhaps saw that the only way she could remain sober was with a sponsor.
Someday, I'd like to be one of those people who rarely attend an AA meeting, if only to visit with friends or perhaps remind myself of the past. I want to get to a point where I am transformed, living a new life, without being obsessed with drinking, AA, or a sponsor.
Thanks Johnny Detox! We thought our plan is smooth too. The meetup is over a week away. I cannot wait to see my old friends!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
I want to get to a point where I am transformed, living a new life, without being obsessed with drinking, AA, or a sponsor.
it is availble to you.........but gotta tell you, my sponsor has become a dear close friend. And I actually like going to meetings. But that is just me.
If you get into the actual print & apply the principles, you will have the life you dreamed of.
Take action.
it is availble to you.........but gotta tell you, my sponsor has become a dear close friend. And I actually like going to meetings. But that is just me.
If you get into the actual print & apply the principles, you will have the life you dreamed of.
Take action.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
You know, making a close friend is not a bad bargain at all. I like meetings now, and feel a need to go there, but I thought it was because I'm so new at sobriety.
I think I've been taking tons of action. Two times now my husband has commented on how I'm doing so many more things now than when I drank.
I think I've been taking tons of action. Two times now my husband has commented on how I'm doing so many more things now than when I drank.
Originally Posted by 1_day@_a_time 
I want to get to a point where I am transformed, living a new life, without being obsessed with drinking, AA, or a sponsor.
it is availble to you.........but gotta tell you, my sponsor has become a dear close friend. And I actually like going to meetings. But that is just me.
If you get into the actual print & apply the principles, you will have the life you dreamed of.
Take action.
it is availble to you.........but gotta tell you, my sponsor has become a dear close friend. And I actually like going to meetings. But that is just me.
If you get into the actual print & apply the principles, you will have the life you dreamed of.
Take action.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
great! suggest action as in aligning yourself with people who have a seriously changed life.
I guarantee you if you identify such a person and take action with them to get the principles in your life, you WILL BE BLOWN AWAY!!!!
And your husband? He will hardly recognize the new you. Jus' sayin'.
I guarantee you if you identify such a person and take action with them to get the principles in your life, you WILL BE BLOWN AWAY!!!!
And your husband? He will hardly recognize the new you. Jus' sayin'.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Thanks as always. And yep, I'm working on it.
Originally Posted by 1_day@_a_time
great! suggest action as in aligning yourself with people who have a seriously changed life.
I guarantee you if you identify such a person and take action with them to get the principles in your life, you WILL BE BLOWN AWAY!!!!
And your husband? He will hardly recognize the new you. Jus' sayin'.
I guarantee you if you identify such a person and take action with them to get the principles in your life, you WILL BE BLOWN AWAY!!!!
And your husband? He will hardly recognize the new you. Jus' sayin'.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
