21 Days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 20
21 Days
It's now been 3 weeks since I screeched in here with a hangover and gave up drinking. This last 21 days has been the longest I have gone without some form of intoxication for all of my adult life (I'm 34). I have somehow done it without any assistance, other than the valuable support and inspiration here at SR.
THE GOOD BITS.
- It turns out I actually have a fully functional, reliable digestive system. Who'd have known?!
- Other than at trigger moments (the last one being Sunday lunch), I'm not really craving alcohol - but then I never did really - I just liked it an awful lot and ended up binge drinking. I still have beer in the fridge, wine in the rack and spirits on the shelf - but I haven't touched them.
- I have handled BIG trigger situations like meeting up with boozy mates and dinner parties and actually enjoyed them, and woken up feeling rather proud.
- Giving up booze together with a diet has seen me lose 4lbs in 3 weeks.
- Although I've still been smoking cigarettes I have smoked a lot less as drinking always made me "binge smoke." I no longer wake up coughing and choking.
- My money is lasting unusually well, because by this stage in the month there would usually have been a couple of night when I spent a chunk of money on a night out or a drunken 3am online casino session.
THE BAD BITS.
- It's thankfully started to wane in the last couple of days, but the anxiety has been a bitch. I have always had anxious tendencies which I now realise have been numbed with booze (and formerly weed) - dealing with them raw for the first time in my adult life has been panic attack central. It's ultimately good though as I am having to work on these issues finally.
- I'm not having trouble sleeping, but my body seems to have settled on sleeping at 4am and waking up at noon. It's a good job I am self employed and have a flexible schedule.
- Unpredictable brain-fog and depression (although the last few days have seemed better).
- Boredom (there's only so much gaming I want to do, and the anxiety has been holding me back from diving into an exercise regime).
In the interest of full disclosure, I am considering the merits of attempting moderation after going through a whole month. It's not something I have really tried to do before, and as I am a born scaredy-cat and hypochondriac, everything I have read here about PAWS, kindling and seizures means I am unlikely to ever even DARE to drink to the point of drunk again! I also MUCH prefer the way my body is starting to work......But, I am flirting with the idea of wine with a meal in a restaurant and a couple of beers in the sunshine sometimes.
I know the idea won't meet with much support here, but suffice to say I'm not ruling it out. I've never stopped drinking before, and have managed three weeks fairly easily without having "hit bottom" in the first place, and without outside help. If there's a chance that I may be one of the lucky ones who can go back to moderation (as is being discussed in some other threads at the moment) I would like to give myself a shot (pardon the pun). I gave up many years of weed successfully by myself too, so maybe I'm stronger than I give myself credit for?
I'm only mentioning these thoughts to be completely honest. I have received a lot of support here, so I'd rather tell people the whole story and share my thoughts than disappear in a weeks time if I decide to try moderation, only to reappear with my tail between my legs in three months if it doesn't work out.
THE GOOD BITS.
- It turns out I actually have a fully functional, reliable digestive system. Who'd have known?!
- Other than at trigger moments (the last one being Sunday lunch), I'm not really craving alcohol - but then I never did really - I just liked it an awful lot and ended up binge drinking. I still have beer in the fridge, wine in the rack and spirits on the shelf - but I haven't touched them.
- I have handled BIG trigger situations like meeting up with boozy mates and dinner parties and actually enjoyed them, and woken up feeling rather proud.
- Giving up booze together with a diet has seen me lose 4lbs in 3 weeks.
- Although I've still been smoking cigarettes I have smoked a lot less as drinking always made me "binge smoke." I no longer wake up coughing and choking.
- My money is lasting unusually well, because by this stage in the month there would usually have been a couple of night when I spent a chunk of money on a night out or a drunken 3am online casino session.
THE BAD BITS.
- It's thankfully started to wane in the last couple of days, but the anxiety has been a bitch. I have always had anxious tendencies which I now realise have been numbed with booze (and formerly weed) - dealing with them raw for the first time in my adult life has been panic attack central. It's ultimately good though as I am having to work on these issues finally.
- I'm not having trouble sleeping, but my body seems to have settled on sleeping at 4am and waking up at noon. It's a good job I am self employed and have a flexible schedule.
- Unpredictable brain-fog and depression (although the last few days have seemed better).
- Boredom (there's only so much gaming I want to do, and the anxiety has been holding me back from diving into an exercise regime).
In the interest of full disclosure, I am considering the merits of attempting moderation after going through a whole month. It's not something I have really tried to do before, and as I am a born scaredy-cat and hypochondriac, everything I have read here about PAWS, kindling and seizures means I am unlikely to ever even DARE to drink to the point of drunk again! I also MUCH prefer the way my body is starting to work......But, I am flirting with the idea of wine with a meal in a restaurant and a couple of beers in the sunshine sometimes.
I know the idea won't meet with much support here, but suffice to say I'm not ruling it out. I've never stopped drinking before, and have managed three weeks fairly easily without having "hit bottom" in the first place, and without outside help. If there's a chance that I may be one of the lucky ones who can go back to moderation (as is being discussed in some other threads at the moment) I would like to give myself a shot (pardon the pun). I gave up many years of weed successfully by myself too, so maybe I'm stronger than I give myself credit for?
I'm only mentioning these thoughts to be completely honest. I have received a lot of support here, so I'd rather tell people the whole story and share my thoughts than disappear in a weeks time if I decide to try moderation, only to reappear with my tail between my legs in three months if it doesn't work out.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 205
From my experience,
1 - You're gonna have to get rid of the alcohol you have in your house
2 - There is no such thing as drinking in moderation for us, you'll just end up a drunk again.
3 - I went through the same sleep woes, what i did was stay up longer and longer each night until you make your way to going to bed at 10-11 and waking up naturally in the morning. It took awhile to get there but waking up refreshed at 6-7-8am is truly something special. So is going to bed at a decent hour.
Hang in there
1 - You're gonna have to get rid of the alcohol you have in your house
2 - There is no such thing as drinking in moderation for us, you'll just end up a drunk again.
3 - I went through the same sleep woes, what i did was stay up longer and longer each night until you make your way to going to bed at 10-11 and waking up naturally in the morning. It took awhile to get there but waking up refreshed at 6-7-8am is truly something special. So is going to bed at a decent hour.
Hang in there
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
21 days is wonderful, fountainhead. Be proud. 
Unfortunately for me, there was no moderating or controlling - and oh, how I wanted to be able to. If it could've been held down to wine with dinner or a few beers in the sunshine, that would've been great - but for me, one drink led to 10. Maybe not every time, but more often than not. It was far too risky & dangerous.
As for the sleep, brainfog & boredom - I experienced those things early on too. I think most of us do. After a few months everything began to improve.
Unfortunately for me, there was no moderating or controlling - and oh, how I wanted to be able to. If it could've been held down to wine with dinner or a few beers in the sunshine, that would've been great - but for me, one drink led to 10. Maybe not every time, but more often than not. It was far too risky & dangerous.
As for the sleep, brainfog & boredom - I experienced those things early on too. I think most of us do. After a few months everything began to improve.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 20
I can't help myself wonder if my honesty has opened me up to a barrage of "it can't be done" comments now :-) But, part of me says if I may be able to control it, and that maybe I should give myself a chance, having not tried before.
By my nature I am extremely hard on myself, so all it would take would be a mild hangover to send me running back to SR!
By my nature I am extremely hard on myself, so all it would take would be a mild hangover to send me running back to SR!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
We wouldn't want you to not be honest.
I went through hell to learn that I couldn't touch alcohol - that may not be your experience at all. This is something we all have to discover for ourselves. We're anxious to help you not make the mistakes that we did. We're just cautioning you based on what we've gone through. Please continue to post & let us know how you're doing. We care.
I went through hell to learn that I couldn't touch alcohol - that may not be your experience at all. This is something we all have to discover for ourselves. We're anxious to help you not make the mistakes that we did. We're just cautioning you based on what we've gone through. Please continue to post & let us know how you're doing. We care.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I think you'll find everyone of us tried moderation fountainhead
I found out two things - I can't moderate and I can;t learn how to, and I don't reset after a period away from the booze - my relationship stayed the same, but my alcoholism progressed if anything.
If life is going well for you on so many fronts now you're sober, isn't it madness to risk everything by going back to drinking?
The brain fog and the sleeping issues will get better but they're unlikely to keep getting better if you reintroduce alcohol.
If you're worried about either of those two things see a Dr, FH.
Drinkings not the answer to anxiety - it actually makes it worse - and it's not the answer to boredom either - doing things & fining interests is the answer to that
I know it's a long haul - but think about how long you drank for - if you're like me you dug a deep hole - it's gonna take a little while to climb back up in to the light.
Don't lose heart now
D
I found out two things - I can't moderate and I can;t learn how to, and I don't reset after a period away from the booze - my relationship stayed the same, but my alcoholism progressed if anything.
If life is going well for you on so many fronts now you're sober, isn't it madness to risk everything by going back to drinking?
The brain fog and the sleeping issues will get better but they're unlikely to keep getting better if you reintroduce alcohol.
If you're worried about either of those two things see a Dr, FH.
Drinkings not the answer to anxiety - it actually makes it worse - and it's not the answer to boredom either - doing things & fining interests is the answer to that
I know it's a long haul - but think about how long you drank for - if you're like me you dug a deep hole - it's gonna take a little while to climb back up in to the light.
Don't lose heart now
D
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Hi Fountainhead, I tried moderation with new gf. It worked perfectly. When I went out for a meal or a show, I would drink 1 beer (never wine) and all was perfect
Thing is, that worked for a while until I decided to go out with a friend and try the same. I ended up drinking bottles of wine alone when home.
The logic of me told me I was being moderate. I wasnt, I realised I had to stop before I sunk to the bottom again. I wont go into the mess I was last time I did AA, I just knew I couldnt drink again. I am grateful for the second chance I got.
Life gets better , you dont need booze. It needs you though, and will take you. Dont let it
Thing is, that worked for a while until I decided to go out with a friend and try the same. I ended up drinking bottles of wine alone when home.
The logic of me told me I was being moderate. I wasnt, I realised I had to stop before I sunk to the bottom again. I wont go into the mess I was last time I did AA, I just knew I couldnt drink again. I am grateful for the second chance I got.
Life gets better , you dont need booze. It needs you though, and will take you. Dont let it
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
I agree in sentiment sapling, though I don't see much need for support in being a moderate drinker LOL.
I support anyone finding out on their own where they stand with all this. its the only way. and I am so freaking grateful that I know with every ounce of my being what I am, a real alcoholic and addict of the gravest variety who has been to the brink. I have no delusions. I cannot drink or use drugs, period. surrendering to that simple but hard truth opened the door to a new life that I love today.
I support anyone finding out on their own where they stand with all this. its the only way. and I am so freaking grateful that I know with every ounce of my being what I am, a real alcoholic and addict of the gravest variety who has been to the brink. I have no delusions. I cannot drink or use drugs, period. surrendering to that simple but hard truth opened the door to a new life that I love today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Fountainhead))) - congrats on 21 days! Though alcohol is not my "thing" (I'm a recovering crack addict) I did try the moderation thing. Did just great..once a month. Then it turned into every 3 weeks...eveontually it turned into all I thought of and a really bad relapse.
I'm really glad you ARE being honest here. I'm coming up on 5 years clean and in recovery and recently came here scared to death...situations were happening where I wanted to be NUMB! I thought I was past all that. Truth is? I'm not. I'm human, I'm an RA and things happen in life that push us to the limit.
I truly thought I could do crack once a month and get my "Numb" feeling on and be okay. Most of us do. I had to learn the hard way, it didn't work, but I don't regret trying...it's what led me to recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm really glad you ARE being honest here. I'm coming up on 5 years clean and in recovery and recently came here scared to death...situations were happening where I wanted to be NUMB! I thought I was past all that. Truth is? I'm not. I'm human, I'm an RA and things happen in life that push us to the limit.
I truly thought I could do crack once a month and get my "Numb" feeling on and be okay. Most of us do. I had to learn the hard way, it didn't work, but I don't regret trying...it's what led me to recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by augustwest 
I agree in sentiment sapling, though I don't see much need for support in being a moderate drinker LOL.
I support anyone finding out on their own where they stand with all this. its the only way. and I am so freaking grateful that I know with every ounce of my being what I am, a real alcoholic and addict of the gravest variety who has been to the brink. I have no delusions. I cannot drink or use drugs, period. surrendering to that simple but hard truth opened the door to a new life that I love today.
I support anyone finding out on their own where they stand with all this. its the only way. and I am so freaking grateful that I know with every ounce of my being what I am, a real alcoholic and addict of the gravest variety who has been to the brink. I have no delusions. I cannot drink or use drugs, period. surrendering to that simple but hard truth opened the door to a new life that I love today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Congrats on 21 days. fountainhead! That really is fantastic.
Here's a thought: how about you give it at least few more weeks before pondering moderation? I mean, that's a long list of benefits. At the rate you're going, think where you'd be in a month or two. My fear is that if you go back to drinking, you'd be giving up not just three weeks' worth of good bits, but all the good bits yet to come...
Here's a thought: how about you give it at least few more weeks before pondering moderation? I mean, that's a long list of benefits. At the rate you're going, think where you'd be in a month or two.
My fear is that if you go back to drinking, you'd be giving up not just three weeks' worth of good bits, but all the good bits yet to come...
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