Once again
 

Ack! :gaah I am so aggravated today its unbelievable. I'm probably two weeks into a massive drinking binge with a day or two of rest scattered here or there. About a month ago I was going to AA meetings but of course I never got a sponsor and I didn't have any thing like a support system.

I have to say its extremely difficult to recover when you're surrounded by heavy drinkers as I have been most of my adult life. Its just that, try as I may to resist them, I sometimes give in to my urge to drink. This could be lessened if there was no alcohol in my house, but there is always some and it is offered to me regularly.

I'm starting to think I need to find a sober living situation. I have resisted the idea in the past, but I don't think I'll ever achieve any lasting sobriety if I'm surrounded by booze during the initial stages of recovery. I guess what I'm asking is, is it necessary for some people to go through a rehabilitation program to achieve sobriety? I've been at this for years now and I just keep failing. Of course I tell people about my problems and most of them think I'm exaggerating, and eventually I let myself go and give in again. I've mentioned rehab a few times, but I've been literally laughed at by AAs who probably doubt I've hit rock-bottom, by pyschiatrists and by family members. I'm starting to wonder if it would take death for people to realize drinking is ruining my life.

Of crouse, despite being a good graduate student, I'm unemployed and have a crappy credit history, so it's difficult for me to find the funding to even move out of my parent's house at this point. What the hell - beyond going to AA meetings, should I do?

Well, you're doing a good thing by coming to SR. And take yourself seriously. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do.

I share the problem of many adults in my life who drink and who think it's not a problem. I wonder what that is really about. Maybe they don't want me to drink because it might change something for them....

You might be right...You can do this without rehab. If you can detox safely and go into AA with the willingness to get a sponsor and do the work...It works. I had to go into rehab...For me...More for the detox than anything..I got an introduction to AA there and left after two weeks to make AA my full time job. Got a sponsor...Did what he told me...Worked the steps...Have 8 months this week without a drink...For me a week was a miracle. Just go and and find someone that did the steps right...Out of the book..And let them show you how to do it. It takes some work...But so does drinking.

I guess I can do this without rehab, but it sure doesn't feel that way. I mean I've probably said internally that I quit on my own probably thousands of times now and continue to pick up a drink and delude myself that I control it. I can't, I mean I know that, anyone who knows me knows I'm an alcoholic. Ug. Tomorrow I'm seeing a psychiatrist fort the first time in nearly a year and I'm worried that if I tell him I'm an alcoholic he'll be reluctant to give me the anxiety medication I need to function and just tell me my problem is alcohol. Yes, my problem is alcohol but in addition to that I have an anxiety disorder that drove me to drinking in the first place. 12 years later, I'm a damn drunk but I need treatment for this illness as well as my alcoholism. We'll see how it goes. I'm hoping to be on here more often, because I need to remind myself that I'm not alone in this fight and that I'm my own worst enemy.

Might want to look into different living arrangements. The one you are in would be tough.

If AA is your route, get a sponser and start on the steps. That's where recovery and living is.

Good luck.

God bless.

I found reading the Big Book helped me get started and stay on track

There are non-benzo anxiety meds out there. I suffer anxiety too. Therapy has helped me tremendously also.

You may find that after you have put the bottle down for awhile, your anxiety may decrease some. I know you stated that you had anxiety before you started drinking, but alcohol tends to make it worse.

At least that's been my experience.

God bless.

Hi Called - Welcome :)

I've never been to rehab, but I absolutely positively had to change my life - I had a heavy drinking circle of friends, my life revolved around alcohol, and everytime I tried to stay sober within that life, I was pulled back into drinking.

I knew I had to quit - so I had to make some tough decisions about the people I hung out with and the places I went.

I'm glad I did though - I don't regret any of it now...I have a life I love and I can look myself in the face in the mirror again :)

If you think rehab is the way for you, I know the Salvation Army runs some free rehab programme in some areas of the US.

Your Dr or psych may know of other avenues and programmes too. I know you're worried about your meds but it really is the best thing for you to be honest with your Dr - be open and upfront, get some help and advice, and you can start to dig your way out of all this :)

good to have you with us - there's a lot of support here too :)

D

Hi,

Yeah, maybe different living arrangements would help. It takes a lot of changes in early recovery to make this work. And, it might be a good idea to stop listening to other people's opinions of whether or not you're an alcoholic. It's how you feel, that matters. :)

Nothing. Do what you didn't do in the beginning....commit to AA and get a sponsor.

Best of luck.

Bob

I thought about it again and I guess, seeing as how I don't have the resources to go through an in-patient treatment program, I'm just going to have to make it without it. Really its just me making excuses (I can't get sober b/c I can't afford rehab, I can't get sober b/c I live in a house with alcohol in it). Would it be easier if I could afford rehab and had a different living situation? Obviously, yes it would, but that doesn't mean I have an excuse to avoid AA and other treatment. My family WILL NOT SUPPORT my efforts and is skeptical of AA, there's really nothing I can that will change that and I need to get over it. Wallowing around in self-pity is just going to bring me back to alcohol like it has hundreds, (probably thousands) of times before. I'm lucky to be ALIVE, and I ought to take advantage of that and be thankful for that every day. Some of us are not so lucky, and I've known people who have died from drugs and alcohol via suicide and overdose. I'm only kidding myself if I think I can EVER drink again.

Cheers and thanks for the responses, talk to you all again soon. :tyou

People who do all the AA stuff get the benefits of doing that. It's the same for those living in mansions or in cardboard boxes. People who don't get those results too, and it matters not where they reside.

Good that you seem able to see the excuses for what they are.

Try working the steps of AA, the program designed to help you. Meetings are not recovery.