Missy7

You know, try as I might, I cannot do this alone. I struggle with alcohol all the time. Either I'm working to avoid it, working to recover from it, or working to justify it.

But I know that the best success I've ever had has been related to spending time on this board, so I hope you guys don't mind if I rejoin.

I don't really have any big dramas to disclose, except that I continue to make myself sick for no reason. It's like choosing to be ill. It's stupid.

So I'm getting back to work. I'm scared and lonely and probably bored. But it's time to get moving.

Hevyn

Welcome back Missy. You never have to alone - we all understand just how you feel.

Sapling

Welcome back...This site is great...You might want to add some other recovery plan to go with it....Find one you like...And replace that boredom with effort and action to learning whatever that program requires....I mean you can stop this....But you have to be willing to work for it. Sobrierty isn't just something that happens....You have to earn it. Best of luck to you.

Dee74

Welcome back Missy - I really hope you can find whatever you need to make this time your time

D

Missy7

I know it has to be earned. I've been up and down with it. I'm pretty good at making things happen and the fact that this has been so difficult for me is humbling. I get confused about what life is about. My whole social life is centered around a glass and that just has to stop. I hope I haven't already made myself too sick.

Dee74

I think there's always hope Missy - it's never too late

D

Ranger

Woot! I still believe you're up to it, MI7.

Welcome back, Friend.

Sapling

You're here...And you're typing...I don't think you are too sick yet....What have you tried...Ever go to an AA meeting??...Checked out SMART?...Rational Recovery?.....Anything?...When I was drinking I got confused about life too...Put it down for a little bit....And do some research....Take some action...I'd like to see your next thread saying something besides...Well, Once again.....Maybe something like....I made it six months!....That would be nice.

IndaMiricale

So nice to see you back Missy

You were on here alot when I first came about. I stumbled a couple times but refused to give up. ITS NEVER TO LATE.

Good love , Inda

Missy7

I have been to AA. I'm not sure it's quite for me. I was reading another post this afternoon and the poster said life was too hectic for AA. I would say that is true for me as well, but I know I'm going to have to do something. Certainly spending time on here each day will be important, but I'm going to have to get control of my work. It's a huge part of the problem. I know I'm trying to obliterate myself so I can be less responsible. I am deliberately disappearing myself.

Sapling

I've heard a lot of excuses why people won't try a program that works for so many...Including myself....But that's the first time I have ever heard that one.

Missy7

Really? It's honestly the most logical reason I don't go to AA meetings.

There is a great group that meets near my house--daily at noon. I cannot get away from work to do that. There are no meetings within ten miles of my home, so I have to plan ahead. And I literally don't know from one day to the next when I will be able to get away from my desk. And that is probably the problem for me. I need to get control of my time. So I'm going to work on it. I'm thinking of calling in sick tomorrow to go to a meeting and start up. You know, just call in. I hear it can be done.

Sapling

You don't need to call in sick to go to a meeting...When do you have time to drink?...What hours?

Missy7

I know, but I honestly think a lot of my excuses for drinking are associated with job pressure. So I'm going to take a stand. And I honestly do live in an area where finding meetings is hard--way out in the country.

Sapling

Missy...Try and get to one when you can...Don't call in sick to work. Maybe you can set up a time for the weekend....It might be good for you...At least try it...If not...Try something else...You have to stop first...Work on that.

Missy7

You have a terrific work ethic! But I need to give myself some space right now. And I know you are right about the meetings. I'm such a weirdo though. I mean, I think most alcoholics have (or think they have) odd personalities, but I can't stand it when people try to help me. I don't know why. And AA meetings are filled with well-meaning, understanding people, and it scares me. How's that for an excuse? And it is an excuse. I know that.

I just hope I feel better tomorrow. Then maybe I can face the day.

Bikeguy

Welcome back, you can do this.

Sapling

You can Missy...Just don't drink and hang in there.

sugarbear1

Missy, you are just like the rest of us. Independent, head-strong, and reluctant to ask for help. Is there any way you can get to work 1/2 hour earlier and stay 45 minutes later and take that hour plus travel time to get to that lunch time meeting? Bring your lunch and take a listen? There's always a solution. I go to save my life. Get a phone number or two and try to call to see how the other person is doing? It's out of our comfort zone, but I know I made time to drink away hours at a time, thinking about life instead of living it. That was hectic!

Peace,

Zebra1275

life was too hectic for AA

This is just an excuse to put off working on your recovery. I can't imagine your life being any more hectic than mine, and I make time.

We all have 168 hours in a week, no more, no less. It's a question of priority, not time.