new member looking for pro.advice for me
 

I am new to this site. my 23 year daughter is doing her second attempt at detox and i want to do what is right for her without injecting my feelings. she has been using oxy with her husband for 2 years. he is detoxing too currently.
my question is should she have contact with him now, or wait 30 days to
finish the detox cycle?

i was a wino and don't know about other drugs. I'd suggest you post this in the friends and families forum for expert advice from people who've been in your position. :hug:


Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Tough one...I liked having the 30 days to myself to recover, although I didn't have a significant other at the time. It might also be comforting to have someone to keep close during the experience. This situation might be best if you ask questions and be supportive without giving an opinion. Let them figure out what works best based on their state of mind.

3-5 days tops.

Hi hottank

Welcome :)

I have no answers to that one - I know I had to stay away from some people, some for a long time, others for good if I wanted to stay in recovery.

D

That's a tough one. They could help each other out and support one another in their recovery. On the other hand if one of them falls the other may follow, especially early on in recovery.

Also, is he or she in a treatment center for the detox? If not, encourage them to seek medical attention if it gets too bad. Withdrawals can be very dangerous.

Might be best if they did do this separatly for a few weeks. Could she stay with you for a few weeks?

Remind them that they can get clean if they truly want it.

Best wishes and God bless.

I dont know , the answers are all over the charts on that one.

I am here to send you well wishes for you and your daughter.

Good love, Inda

Welcome to SR hottank. I hope things go well for them - very glad they are taking action. I've heard that one should focus on their own detox & healing before worrying about other situations. I agree with the others - it depends on the people involved.

Glad you joined us - let us know how things are going.

Your daughter is a young adult who is married. I am glad you are supportive of her in a non-judgmental manner! Why not try Al Anon for you? Al-Anon Meetings or call Nar-Anon at (800) 477-6291 and they will tell you where your closest meeting is!
:welcome
Prayers, love, & hugs,

I thought about starting my own thread on this topic because I couldn't find any. My ABF went into treatment for alcohol/anxiety/depression a week ago. While lurking here researching ways to help him, I FINALLY realized I truly needed to concentrate on helping myself first. It will actually be easier to do that while he is away! I've been sober this time 13/14 days and have been to two AA meetings in the last two days.

??? I have many questions and hope some of you can share threads, resources(links, books, videos, etc) and/or personal experiences where BOTH people are starting recovery about the same time (one at home alone and one in treatment far away).

Thank you!

the old pattern was oxy,spouse abuse, stealing and lying. she broke that pattern for
2 weeks. now she spent the night with him at his parents house. she has been staying
with her mom durring the week and me on the weekends until last night. they went to
a group meeting together, but i dont think they a open and honest with the counsler.
my ex wife has read her diary and made copies for me. should i read? think i have already
a idea what has been her past.

again, she's a legal aged adult. and married. do they not have their own place? her diary is hers, not a published book.

as for the abuse, I would have divorced him and not want to hang out with him, but that's me. she needs to grow up and live her life.

Al Anon or Nar Anon will support you.

Abuse is part of the relationship? Is he in counseling and/or anger management? Is he willing to do work on that end, or vice versa?

Re-diary.
My ex found an online journal and it did NO GOOD to read. I was insanely angry and instead of taking any possible advice that may have been gleaned--I refused to listen. I can understand that if one comes across it, especially a parent trying to help their child, that's pretty hard to ignore but tread carefully. All I can advise is try to not let emotions get any more heated then need be, if she did not willingly share.

Welcome to SR and I hope the the friends and family sub-forum will be of help as will this thread. I don't know really what the "right" move is, it's so individual. I know that people can and do clean up together...but there are a lot of things that will take serious massive work. I gave an ex a chance who had hit me when using to get help, and it turns out it's more the drugs were an excuse to act in that manner and not the reason. She needs to do all she can to focus first on her own sobriety in such an early stage in my opinion.
Take care of yourself through all this too, it has to be incredibly difficult.

Should she have contact with him? Yes, no, maybe...That's entirely up to her.

reading her diary seems......dirty, despite whatever intentions are behind it. You're really not able to do much of anything here other than love and not judge her. She has to do this for herself.

You can get support for yourself in Al-Anon.