Terminally Unique

Of course you're not alone. The psychological disease concept of addiction is quite popular, and extremely alluring to people impassioned to get drunk. No doubt many have been reading books by never-addicted psychologists such as Stanton Peele, Alan Marlatt, Jeffrey Schaler, Albert Ellis, and others who advocate this sort of thing. Just a little won't hurt you, they claim. You just need to fix those underlying issues and learn better coping skills. Then you'll be able to drink normally. Right.

You can do whatever you want, Wonderland, including putting yourself and everyone around you at risk by listening to those PhD's who have zero personal experience with addiction, save possibly with their morning coffee, but I can tell you one thing from personal experience. There is no psychiatric medication on Earth that will work with alcohol disabling it, and the same goes for therapy. So, you can forget about ever actually fixing any neurotransmitter deficiencies or any underlying issues if you keep on drinking.

2granddaughters

Wonderland, I suggest you google and read AA's "How It Works" if you haven't already. See if you can identify with what it says. If you are "our kind" of an alcoholic then AA will certainly help you. If not, I wish you the best of luck in your recovery choices.
If all else fails you can come and join us, there's always a spare chair.

Bob R

GirlFromCO

Wonderland, you’ve raised some interesting issues and I’m thankful for that. I wouldn't say I'm against moderation, but I just don't see it working in the time I’ve spent on SR. Maybe it's because the people who are able to successfully moderate don't come back to visit, but I don’t get to see that. I do see a ton of posts from people who are convinced they can drink less and then they come back worse than ever, having lost another friend because of drinking, or had another arrest, or embarrassed themselves publicly again.

I tried to moderate for a long time. More often than not, I would end up drinking more than my limit (That's a whole different issue as well - my limit would be 4 drinks but that's still a LOT to most people and way over what health statistics say). Like you, I was part of a social circle where I was just sort of expected to drink. We were artists, musicians, political, edgy, etc and we got crazy. That's just what we did. It was so part of my identity at the time that I couldn't imagine living without alcohol. And in a way, that life didn't live on when I quit drinking. I stopped seeing those people and doing those things. I had to change a lot of things for it to stick this time.

I'm still open about the idea of moderation, but I'm smart enough to know I'm not ready for it. Over the holidays I was feeling special at a fancy restaurant and I ordered a glass of port to go with my dessert. That was it. I obviously didn't go back into drinking, but I did feel this tug afterward. Like, now the first one is out of the way it's not such a big deal. And I found my thoughts wandering increasingly toward alcohol and when and where the next time I would drink would be. Having one drink one night was not the problem. The problem was that it made it a possibility again in my mind, and I was right back in my insane obsession.

There was just a thread here about someone who had stopped drinking for 7 years, and is now drinking normally. Conversely, there is also a new thread about someone being unsuccessful in their attempt to moderate. I think it's something we all think about at some point. I think if I had been here in my early days of sobriety and there had been a lot of posts about moderation, I would have kept trying to moderate until I ended up in even more trouble. I was not strong enough to begin to understand the nuances of a conversation like that. Honestly, I think the reason why there isn’t more discussion about moderation here is that people are afraid that the discussion itself will be triggering someone back to drinking or using. I know that’s why I don’t talk about it! There’s also the issue that according to some of the programs, even thinking about drinking is a sign of the “alcoholic voice” which according to them you should never engage with or else you are courting disaster. And we all know AA’s stance on moderation. Who am I to question something that's saved anothers life? This goes really deep for people.

I think I had a big enough problem that abstention has been the right choice in my journey, like you, to find some balance. I was so far out of balance that it took a big drastic step to get back to reality. Maybe someday I will have enough distance and I will have changed enough to be able to drink my allotted 7-14 drinks per week as outlined by ICAP But for right now, I am so glad to be sober. I have grown so much in these last 8 months – it’s been truly amazing and I attribute all of that positive change to sobriety. I have no plans to end my sobriety anytime soon.

Thanks for reading.

augustwest

the simple solution to the moderation question is to try it. I've never known someone who didn't find out pretty quickly where they stand if they can be honest with themselves. we all try to moderate as we're figuring out what's going on with us. it's part of the deal. that being said, I have three friends who, after some time in sobriety convinced themselves they could drink or use drugs normally and they died. ages 24, 29, and 35. that is the other side of the coin and part of the reason so many of us tend to cringe at the notion.