Sunny27

Hi guys

Well, it is day 50 for me today

Last night I went to a meet-up of a load of people I know from an internet forum I have been on for years. I have been to a few meets, and generally got smashed on wine.

This time was different. i was sober and it was also a far bigger meet. Now, normally I have no problem chatting to people when on the vino, but last night after the first initial two hours I started to feel really insecure. I felt as if I didn't fit in at all and ended up leaving early.

I knew a few of the people, so that was OK, but the problem was going up to others and introducing myself. I'd have no problem doing that when drinking.

I have never felt like this before. In work situations I am vivacious and outgoing as with my friends... but last night I really struggled.

Can anyone relate and maybe tell me how long it may take to get over this? I am not a wallflower - I am usually the one that is friends with everyone, but last night was tough and I ended bailing after about 4 hours.

On the plus side, one of the guys I know met up wit me after. He doesn't drink - quit 10 years ago - and said he felt like I did for a while too, but it does pass. I hope so as I don't want to feel lonely again. I wasn't blanked or anything and if I had approached more people I would have been fine

Sunny xx

TheTinMan

Learning to live my life without alcohol was awkward in most all situations after I quit drinking. I mean everywhere I went and everything I did for 20 some odd years involved drinking.

When I quit I felt very lonely and social situations were totally different.

This will pass with time.

Sunny27

Thanks TheTinMan... I drank for 20 years as well so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised I felt very strange. But I didn't cave and have one and I am glad of that.

I hope it passes soon, but the next time it happens I will keep in mind why. I just didn't prepare myself for this happening at all.

Thanks again.

Sunny xx

TheTinMan

Like you, I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. I think that happens with those of us that drank so long or had alcohol be the center of our lives. I don't know about your drinking history but my life pretty much revolved around the next drink/drunk. Take that out of the picture and it's a whole new ball game.

After drinking that long, and then stopping, our mind and body go through some amazing changes.

Congrats on your 50 days!

MustStop

I guess there are a couple ways you could look at the situation. You drank for 20 years, so you were around people and drinking a lot in those 20 years. Now, you just have to get use to being around people without the drink and it'll take a little longer than 50 days

jocata

Congrats on the sober time! That is awesome.

I know how you feel. I'm shy by nature and when i drank I could talk to the pope with no problem. When newly sober in a room of strangers, I feel a little awkward as well. I have learned to share in AA meetings and that has done wonders for my awkwardness.

It does get easier with practice. You've got to step out of your comfort zone in order to grow.

God bless.

Dmr42

I know how you feel to, I am the same way, but I do know a worse feeling was waking up to something incredible stupid I said, or have accdentle offended someone, and then thinking about it in the morning was terrible

IndaMiricale

Awesome and congrats on 50


Learning the new life, definatly doesnt come overnite. So try not to rush it, its the scenery on the trip that is the most beautiful not the destination.

Dee74

I definitely think relating to people sober is a skill I had to learn...and that takes time.
Stick with it Sunny

D

nel68

I know when I was at work I had no problems or around my family I was in my element but other social function I always felt out of place, except if I was drinking. Now I try not to stress over it if I can...but yes I can relate Congrats on your 50 days!!

DarkDays

I had My first Social afternoon out today in 38 days sober, friends where drinking, that was ok its just I felt kind of detached and edgy, but hey ho its still very early days and Iam sure this will get much much easier.

Zebra1275

I ended bailing after about 4 hours.

That sounds like an eternity if you were feeling socially awkward, a lot of people would be looking for the door after 10 minutes. Congratulations on 50 days, it will get better.

Sunny27

haha

The first two hours were fine as there was a small number of us there so it was easy, but then people started arriving, getting pissed and I felt like an outsider.

I am so glad I posted this, as it did upset me a bit. I did not have this feeling around my closer friends, but am definitely sticking with it.

A bad-ish experience si not going to send me back to a bottle of wine.

Thanks everyone for making me feel much better.

Sunny xx

justhadenough

Congrats on 50 days Sunny! It's brilliant!

Sapling

Hey sunny...For what's it worth...I don't like being around people getting pissed either...I think we call that getting drunk here. I just look at them as the outsiders...I move on too. I have a life to take care of. Hang in there...Things change everyday...for the better. Just don't drink today.

Sunny27

Hi Justhad... how are you doing?

It crossed my mind to have a drink on Saturday night but I knew I couldn't and wouldn't. i suppose i wouldn't be human if it didn't at least cross my mind after drinking at all social events for 20 years.

Was great waking up without a hangover or regrets of what I did. That is a brilliant feeling and now worth losing for any amount of wine.

I am going to keep going... 51 days down and life is just getting better and better. I feel so much calmer these days

Sunn xx

justhadenough

Hi Sunny, so glad you are doing well and sticking with it.

I had a bad day last week and ended up drinking 2 glasses of wine. Not good. I didn't even enjoy it and did stop. Felt awful mentally and physically. Trying to stop beating myself up over it and just concentrate on being sober. Made me realize just how poisonous it is and I can't believe I used to do that every night!

It's great news that you feel calmer and better about yourself. Hopefully the social anxiety will ease and go altogether over time. It probably didn't help seeing others getting drunk.

Good to speak with you. Take care.JHE.xx

Sunny27

hey there,

Don't beat yourself up after two glasses of wine. At least you copped that it wasn't going to fix/solve anything.

It is very hard to change habits of a lifetime (and to me, 20 years is almost half my life).

Stay strong, justhad, we are all in this together

Sunny xxx

justhadenough

Thanks for your kind words Sunny. It is breaking the habits of a lifetime isn't it! I'm 38 so same about 20 years plus drinking. Can't just change it in a couple of weeks.

I get such strength and support from this site-the people are fab!!!xx