Hello Everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Antioch, IL
Posts: 3
Hello Everyone
Hi! I'm Rachael and I am on here looking for people that understand me. I have been trying to be sober on and off for the past year. I went to AA and did not have a good experience. I was told from numerous people I had to be saved and I was a bad person. I started to drink again and I don't know where to go from here. I tried to go back to AA and they told me I was a bad person and they did not want me there because I relapsed. I feel so alone in this.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Hi Rachael. 
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with AA. I have heard of this happening occasionally, but the vast majority of experiences I've heard about with AA have been positive, and mine certainly has been. Are there other AA groups you can go to besides this one? Every now and then, you'll find folks like this in AA but I think they are the exception rather than the rule. Just the other day in our group, for example, a 20-something member who had been sober for 3 months admitted she had fallen off the wagon. Everyone came around her with support, hugs, and encouragement and there was no judgment. That's the way it *should* be, but people being people, you will occasionally get those folks who are critical.
If you believe the program of AA can work for you, it is certainly worth trying again, with different group. Some groups just aren't a good "fit" for some people. I hope you will give it another try but whatever you do, I wish you the best in your recovery. And you're not alone ... you have us.
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with AA. I have heard of this happening occasionally, but the vast majority of experiences I've heard about with AA have been positive, and mine certainly has been. Are there other AA groups you can go to besides this one? Every now and then, you'll find folks like this in AA but I think they are the exception rather than the rule. Just the other day in our group, for example, a 20-something member who had been sober for 3 months admitted she had fallen off the wagon. Everyone came around her with support, hugs, and encouragement and there was no judgment. That's the way it *should* be, but people being people, you will occasionally get those folks who are critical.
If you believe the program of AA can work for you, it is certainly worth trying again, with different group. Some groups just aren't a good "fit" for some people. I hope you will give it another try but whatever you do, I wish you the best in your recovery. And you're not alone ... you have us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
It does make a huge difference that you were told this by your sponsor...And not the group. Some sponsors don't want to continue with you after you relapse...They have the right to fire you...Just as much as you have the right to fire them. Maybe you need a different sponsor....Who knows?....I sure don't.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I have some 12 step experience but not specifically AA, but was wondering if this was a regular AA group or possibly a Church associated 12 step group for alcoholism. There are some that are NOT AA though the steps are similar and they may even use the Big Book, but they are specifically faith based and may be more intent upon saving you etc religiously.
IF that is the case, you may find that a free standing actual AA meeting might have a different feel to it.
On the other hand, sometimes in early recovery we are highly sensitive (I have no clue if this is true of you) and we can hear judegement, condemnation and rejection where none is intended. I know that when I am having a sensitive day my mind twists things every which way until I am sure the whole darned world is against me. So I find it best to give groups, forums, etc several tries before I opt out entirely.
I am sorry you have had those discouraging experiences, it can be very difficult to push past them when we already feel stretched by new sobriety.
We often are reminded that we went to great lengths and did many embarrassing things while drinking/using, so we should be willing to go at least as far to gain and maintain sobriety.
Hang in there, and if more than one meeting is available in your area, try out several, you may find a better fit.
IF that is the case, you may find that a free standing actual AA meeting might have a different feel to it.
On the other hand, sometimes in early recovery we are highly sensitive (I have no clue if this is true of you) and we can hear judegement, condemnation and rejection where none is intended. I know that when I am having a sensitive day my mind twists things every which way until I am sure the whole darned world is against me. So I find it best to give groups, forums, etc several tries before I opt out entirely.
I am sorry you have had those discouraging experiences, it can be very difficult to push past them when we already feel stretched by new sobriety.
We often are reminded that we went to great lengths and did many embarrassing things while drinking/using, so we should be willing to go at least as far to gain and maintain sobriety.
Hang in there, and if more than one meeting is available in your area, try out several, you may find a better fit.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Alcoholics Anonymous : this is the AA site. or this: Untitled Page
So sorry your experience was like this. There's a program of recovery for you just waiting to help you, aa or not.
Peace & hugs,
So sorry your experience was like this. There's a program of recovery for you just waiting to help you, aa or not.
Peace & hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
Hi Rachael. My time AA has never been like that, nor have I heard of anything similar. I've been in an out, gone to meetings with booze on my breath etc...and not once has anyone called me a bad person. Also AA a spiritial program, not religous therefore no need to be saved ( well perhaps from ourselves ). Do yourself a favour, find another group and give it another chance. Be well.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Definatly sorry to hear that is what you were told. They in no way are representing AA in its true base. For other I have seen , and myself they and I welcome anyone after each relapse. We want you to be free of that bondage.
I hope you try a different meeting away from them.
Stay with it.
I hope you try a different meeting away from them.
Stay with it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 92
Welcome Racheal! Thank you for posting, it is brave to reach out for help, especially when you have felt rejected after reaching out in the past. I am so sorry you had a bad experience with AA, i must echo the other posts and tell you that the spirit of AA is not to judge or tell anyone they are a "bad person." You are never alone, please know that. This site is full of wonderful people struggling with the same issues as you. Hang in there, you can do this! xo
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by rachael2889 
I have been trying to be sober on and off for the past year. I went to AA and did not have a good experience. I was told from numerous people I had to be saved and I was a bad person. I started to drink again and I don't know where to go from here. I tried to go back to AA and they told me I was a bad person and they did not want me there because I relapsed.
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