Cascabel

I am having a struggle quitting drinking. Compared with some of the stories I have read on this forum my bottle of wine a day is not too bad but it is bad enough for me.

I decided to go to an AA meeting at a local church in an effort to gain some support in my struggle to become a teetotaler. I sat through the meeting without participating and then hung around for coffee and conversation afterwards. I was approached by one person about my age who was initially friendly and inquisitive about me and my drinking. I told him pretty much what I have said above: I'm struggling and don't like myself when I drink. He then proceeded to lecture me and tell me that I have no idea what being a drunk is like or how hard the recovery process is. He made it sound as though being a drunk is a competitive sport. I agree that my issues may not be as large as his were to him but they are big enough for me and I did not appreciate being trivialized.

I don't have any problem with the AA approach including the "higher power" I need to recognize. But, if I am going to be marginalized when I go to a meeting I prefer not to go at all; I'll deal with my problems on my own.

Is this sort of badgering something unusual with AA or is it part of the program? There are other meetings I can go to but this one meeting left me with such a bad feeling that I have not been back since.

Sapling

You ever walk into a bar....And start talking to somebody..And the guy turns out to be a complete idiot?...What did you do?...Find somebody else to talk to.

least

AA is a philosophy, a method of improving your life while staying sober. AA is comprised of members, some of whom are idiots. sounds like you met one of the idiots. if i had met up with this jerk i'd have told him off, that i didin't appreciate being lectured and to keep his opinions to himself. and no, i wouldn't go back to that particular meeting.

Sapling

That might be a great meeting...I'd go back...I'd keep my distance from that clown...But I'd go back.

Cascabel

If I go into a bar, I have a feeling for the range of characters I might encounter; I have been to a number of bars through the years.

On the other hand, this was the first and, so far, only AA meeting I have ever attended and had no idea what to expect from the other attendees. That is why I am asking.

Sapling

You ran into an idiot...Plain and simple...The odds of that happening twice in a row are slim..Lot of good people there...I'm sorry that happened...Would have pissed me off too. But I'm not going to let one bozo keep me out of AA...It saved my life.

Retread59

I agree, the guy is an idiot and not representative of what AA is about. I'm also someone who didn't hit the kind of bottom that lots of other drunks have hit, but I've been welcomed into my home group with open arms.

I'd definitely go back or find another group and go there. AA isn't just for people who have lost everything, it's for anyone who feels they have a problem with alcohol and it is a blessing to recognize this problem when you're still at the point of one bottle of wine a day. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and it doesn't require gutter time to qualify as an alcoholic.

rachael2889

I have had a similar story when it comes to AA. I went to AA for 4 months in the past. I did the 90 and 90 and I did my steps. I had a sponsor and did the whole nine yards. While I was there I was told I was a bad person and they were going to save me. I relapsed and tried to go back and every shunned me and told me that I shouldn't be there anymore. I have no other idea and what to do for support

Justfor1

My first meeting I witnessed a older man (visibly intoxicated) being asked to leave after screaming at the chairperson. Needless, to say I was weary that AA could help. Eventually, I went back. There are over 3,000 meetings a week in the Chicago metro area. I found some I liked.

Sapling

I've never heard of anything like this...And I've been to a lot of meetings in a lot of different places....Just curious...Where was your sponsor during all of this?

rachael2889

My sponsor was the one who said it. And she refused to support me after I relapsed.

Sapling

That's a whole different ball game...

sugarbear1

We are sick people trying to get well. At least some of us are trying. Some people aren't. Including those who attempt to sponsor others. It's sad to know that these things happen, but they do.

If you can find another meeting to try out, do so. I find that no matter where I attend a meeting at, some meetings really get to me in a positive manner, the next time I'm completely turned off, but it hasn't stopped me from going. I'm there to save my life.

There are other programs that are also available. Keep searching for what works! Another meeting, another program.... whatever, it will save your life.

Threshold

I responded to a thread of yours a little while ago, I didn't know all the ins and outs of your story.

I had a sponsor tell me she wouldn't work with me after a relapse as well, her sponsor told her to drop me. Some people feel they must do that for their own recovery/sobriety. What I am saying is try not to take it personally. I know how hard that is but she did it for her own reasons.

Work on your own recovery and find a sponsor who you feel you can work with, even through the tough stuff.

Threshold

In my culture drinking IS often seen, both figuratively and literally as a competitive sport!

Some 12 step meetings seem to tend towards people bragging about just how bad of a addict they were, supposedly under the awning of showing the newcomer that worse cases than them have found recovery.

I found those meetings played into my worst tendencies. Try to find a more recovery focused meeting, one that focuses on literature study for instance. They are more staid and tend to week out the braggerts.

macknacat

sorry that you had to run into someone who has some ego issues.... it is still about seeking what they sought, not what they found....
And be careful- one of the ways i kept justifying my using was to point fingers at any and all hypocrites i could see [just ignore those 4 fingers pointing at ME - move along. nothing to see here...] As long as i could keep my focus on others , i couldn't look at myself.
i have posted before about the price i know at least one woman paid due to encountering that same arrogance. OD's., mental institution, hep C etc....

regarding the sponsor "firing" - i have sponsored more than a few. My mantra: "i have enough love, i do not have enough time" ; for me , if i cannot see evidence of "willing to be willing" i need to re allocate my time resources towards the addict/alcoholic who wants what i have found and is willing to do what i had to do. I have a broad range of responsibilities in my life- job, family, my own recovery etc. so i have to have some way of budgeting my resources.

Yes, some have gone back out and died - damn hard to answer the 6 yr old : "well, is heaven close enough for me to visit my dad?"
on the other hand the only guy i ever gave a 20 to and told him "go score, quit wasting either of our time" called 2 years later from 1000 miles away to tell me he had a year clean and that he loved me....

Sapling

Nice share macknacat...How's the boat?

TheTinMan

The attendees at an AA meeting were the former attendees at a bar. You should have the same feeling for the range of characters you will encounter in an AA meeting.

If you have been to a number of bars through the years then you know these people already. They should be familiar to you.

jocata

There are always going to be people at AA meetings that will rub you the wrong way. I've heard it said that if you like everyone in AA then you haven't gone to enough meetings. Don't take it personally and please don't let it hinder your sobriety.

God bless.

LadyNoBinge

Hello Cascabel! I am sorry that happened, there will always be some random people at 12 step meetings that are really into their "war stories" and weird competitive nonsense, they are NOT the majority. The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking, please don't let that weirdo keep you from such a wonderful source of support in your recovery. I would give AA another shot, maybe a different meeting? Take good care of yourself! xo