New Day New Way
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 40
New Day New Way
Hello Everyone and thanks to the universe for helping me find this site!
Here's a bit of my story:
I have been abusing alcohol for 20 years. Almost always in LT relationships that were with men who also had issues with alcohol but not usually as bad as myself. Alcohol is/was "the key that fit" to help me feel less shy, insecure, nervous, tired, paranoid, scared and more vibrant, passionate, intelligent, funny, sexy and just able to "connect" with people in a way I never could when I was a teenager or when i was my shy sober self. Alcohol seemed to help be "be present" without obsessing about regrets of the past or worrying about the future.
I am finally ready to admit I can't do this by myself. I have tried sobriety (a week, a month several times and 3.5 months once) with and w/out therapy/antidepressants/antianxiety meds but refused AA due to my anxiety in group settings where you may be encouraged to share feelings and mingle.
Well, I went to my FIRST meeting last evening and while it was uncomfortable and scary, I"M SOOO GLAD I DID! Everyone was so welcoming and supportive. I plan to embrace this site and AA and really try to do it different this time... because I can't do it myself. I think I believe that now... FINALLY... I am grateful and feel hopeful.. and also lonely and scared.
Not sure where I was supposed to post this....
Here's a bit of my story:
I have been abusing alcohol for 20 years. Almost always in LT relationships that were with men who also had issues with alcohol but not usually as bad as myself. Alcohol is/was "the key that fit" to help me feel less shy, insecure, nervous, tired, paranoid, scared and more vibrant, passionate, intelligent, funny, sexy and just able to "connect" with people in a way I never could when I was a teenager or when i was my shy sober self. Alcohol seemed to help be "be present" without obsessing about regrets of the past or worrying about the future.
I am finally ready to admit I can't do this by myself. I have tried sobriety (a week, a month several times and 3.5 months once) with and w/out therapy/antidepressants/antianxiety meds but refused AA due to my anxiety in group settings where you may be encouraged to share feelings and mingle.
Well, I went to my FIRST meeting last evening and while it was uncomfortable and scary, I"M SOOO GLAD I DID! Everyone was so welcoming and supportive. I plan to embrace this site and AA and really try to do it different this time... because I can't do it myself. I think I believe that now... FINALLY... I am grateful and feel hopeful.. and also lonely and scared.
Not sure where I was supposed to post this....
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Originally Posted by flyingleap123 
Hello Everyone and thanks to the universe for helping me find this site!
Here's a bit of my story:
I have been abusing alcohol for 20 years. Almost always in LT relationships that were with men who also had issues with alcohol but not usually as bad as myself. Alcohol is/was "the key that fit" to help me feel less shy, insecure, nervous, tired, paranoid, scared and more vibrant, passionate, intelligent, funny, sexy and just able to "connect" with people in a way I never could when I was a teenager or when i was my shy sober self. Alcohol seemed to help be "be present" without obsessing about regrets of the past or worrying about the future.
I am finally ready to admit I can't do this by myself. I have tried sobriety (a week, a month several times and 3.5 months once) with and w/out therapy/antidepressants/antianxiety meds but refused AA due to my anxiety in group settings where you may be encouraged to share feelings and mingle.
Well, I went to my FIRST meeting last evening and while it was uncomfortable and scary, I"M SOOO GLAD I DID! Everyone was so welcoming and supportive. I plan to embrace this site and AA and really try to do it different this time... because I can't do it myself. I think I believe that now... FINALLY... I am grateful and feel hopeful.. and also lonely and scared.
Not sure where I was supposed to post this....
Here's a bit of my story:
I have been abusing alcohol for 20 years. Almost always in LT relationships that were with men who also had issues with alcohol but not usually as bad as myself. Alcohol is/was "the key that fit" to help me feel less shy, insecure, nervous, tired, paranoid, scared and more vibrant, passionate, intelligent, funny, sexy and just able to "connect" with people in a way I never could when I was a teenager or when i was my shy sober self. Alcohol seemed to help be "be present" without obsessing about regrets of the past or worrying about the future.
I am finally ready to admit I can't do this by myself. I have tried sobriety (a week, a month several times and 3.5 months once) with and w/out therapy/antidepressants/antianxiety meds but refused AA due to my anxiety in group settings where you may be encouraged to share feelings and mingle.
Well, I went to my FIRST meeting last evening and while it was uncomfortable and scary, I"M SOOO GLAD I DID! Everyone was so welcoming and supportive. I plan to embrace this site and AA and really try to do it different this time... because I can't do it myself. I think I believe that now... FINALLY... I am grateful and feel hopeful.. and also lonely and scared.
Not sure where I was supposed to post this....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by flyingleap123
Well, I went to my FIRST meeting last evening and while it was uncomfortable and scary, I"M SOOO GLAD I DID! Everyone was so welcoming and supportive. I plan to embrace this site and AA and really try to do it different this time... because I can't do it myself. I think I believe that now... FINALLY... I am grateful and feel hopeful.. and also lonely and scared.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 54
Welcome flyingleap! The people here are amazing and they will help you every step of the way. This site was huge in helping me recover. I have been sober 6 months and I read here almost daily. It helps me to see others where I am, others succeeding with longer sobriety and to read the posts of newbies to remember where I came from!
Carla
Carla
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 40
Thanks! and congrats to everyone who is doing well and feeling better!
I'm off to my SECOND meeting today and looking forward to a "normal" meeting where its not MY first step. To clarify, I really appreciated everyone's stories and feel I learned alot but my plan to melt into the woodwork was not their plan for my first meeting! I was relived their stories took us well past the end time so I didn't have to share. I wouldn't have been able to talk without crying uncontrollably. Today, I get to chill/pass if I want/need to.
Are you (other newbies) going to meetings? Everyday? I plan to try to 90 days + 90 meetings that was suggested by 2 people in the group. It sounds like a smart plan and doable due to my schedule!
After the meeting I was talking about my beer of choice and all of a sudden I had this HUGE desire to just "taste" it one last time. Is that normal? I feel like I may regret not knowing my last drink was my "last drink"! I'm trying to let it go" because I'm proud of my 12 days and don't want to have to start over for one taste/one beer- yes, I see where that could lead... to trouble. I thought about calling someone but its really just a thought more than an urge or craving (for now).
I'm off to my SECOND meeting today and looking forward to a "normal" meeting where its not MY first step. To clarify, I really appreciated everyone's stories and feel I learned alot but my plan to melt into the woodwork was not their plan for my first meeting! I was relived their stories took us well past the end time so I didn't have to share. I wouldn't have been able to talk without crying uncontrollably. Today, I get to chill/pass if I want/need to.
Are you (other newbies) going to meetings? Everyday? I plan to try to 90 days + 90 meetings that was suggested by 2 people in the group. It sounds like a smart plan and doable due to my schedule!
After the meeting I was talking about my beer of choice and all of a sudden I had this HUGE desire to just "taste" it one last time. Is that normal? I feel like I may regret not knowing my last drink was my "last drink"! I'm trying to let it go" because I'm proud of my 12 days and don't want to have to start over for one taste/one beer- yes, I see where that could lead... to trouble. I thought about calling someone but its really just a thought more than an urge or craving (for now).
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome to SR FlyingLeap
A lot of people here 'do' AA, a lot don't.
I'm one of the latter
I'm really glad it's seem to be the way forward for you - it's always great when ppl find something that works
I think it's very very normal to think of drinking for a while - it was certainly normal for me. The difference now is what we do in response to those thoughts
D
A lot of people here 'do' AA, a lot don't.
I'm one of the latter
I'm really glad it's seem to be the way forward for you - it's always great when ppl find something that works
I think it's very very normal to think of drinking for a while - it was certainly normal for me. The difference now is what we do in response to those thoughts
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 732
Welcome Flying Leap! I read & post here daily and it's been very helpful to me. I've got 50 sober days under my belt and I feel good. Not every day is easy, but it gets easier as time passes. Good luck to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 40
Thank you Katrinka! I am grateful for this site and people like you. Reading these posts helped me realize I needed to go to AA and I did! 4 meetings in 4 days! Today I may go to an Al-Anon instead of my regular meeting place. I'm dealing with a ABF away in treatment at this time too. I guess that means I have a little extra on my plate. But, I know that shouldn't "make me special/unique"!
No drinking dreams bit I DID have a dream about talking about Big Book and Steps meetings with someone!! Is that a good sign? What experiences can you guys share about dreams during recovery?
No drinking dreams bit I DID have a dream about talking about Big Book and Steps meetings with someone!! Is that a good sign? What experiences can you guys share about dreams during recovery?
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