Reabandoned and drank :( So sad
 

I ve been staying twith my bf (ex bf) after I got out of hospital. No one I get close to EVER stays in my life. Maybe emotionally to some extent but never physcially. :rotfxko My bf and I just broke up Thurs night but decided we are better off as friends. I started to feel he distanced himself from me and I felt rejected. This is someone who chased me for months and months then he finally got me he came distant. You can love someone but when you dont have much in common and have different goals in life better to part ways. But, we are still best friends we just did not work out together.

After work Fri, he asked me if I wanted to go get Sushi his treat which I found weird bc he always complains how broke he is. This was a big argument wit us bc he is really only looking for a specific job bc he feels bad having to leave any old job after a few months when he lands his dream job. I am like thats bull **** get anything you think I want to work in some convinience store I have two degress and a personal training cert and this is all I can get! Made me so mad felt like he believed he was above everyone with this tough economy you take what you can get.

So we were out to dinner and I am in a decent mood and he breaks it to me his aunt found a job for hom across the country near where she lives so she is moving in with her in less than a month. Right in the restuarant the tears are falling from my eyes I down two glasses of wine and go sit in the car sobbing hysterically. I then gran a bunch of beers with the mindset to drink away the emotional pain. Must be nice to get jobs handed to you while others struggle to find one. In the meantime he read my memoir and abandonment is the leading theme through out it and I told him if I let you in dont hurt me.

I feel so empty and alone now. Cant stop crying

Hey innerchild...I'm sorry you are feeling sad....I know that feeling all to well..Another relationship gone....Always..When I look at it...Right back to me and my actions. Drinking. IC...I also worked a good part of my life at jobs that I was way to qualified for and Lost...Again...My actions...My Drinking. I had to get honest with myself IC. I had to connect the problems in my life with alcohol. The more I looked...The more I found it was the cause of everything bad that was happening to me....And I was using it to solve problems...And it only made them worse.
I just got to a point where I couldn't keep doing this...I could stop for good and see if things got better...Healthwise..I was told by a doctor...I was killing myself by drinking. I gave it everything I had to get better....My only other option...More drinking...More problems...And dying. That was enough for me to realise...I can't do this anymore. I got into a program...AA for me....And gave it everything I had left...It gave me hope and I worked harder. I stopped...Eight months ago this week. You can do this IC...If AA is not right for you...Find something that is..And give it everything you have.....Drinking isn't the solution for every problem we have...It's the cause.....There is a solution...It's called changing your life and feeling good about yourself....You can do that. I know...I did...And I was right where you are....Alone and sad...I looked at my options and I put it down for good. Best of luck to you IC....It's well worth the effort.

It's always sad when a relationship ends, but alcohol will continue to makes things worse.

Focus on your recovery and you will feel better. :)

Here for you innerchild. Relationships are so hard. When they end it seems like the end of the world. Drinking only postpones the grieving we must do after they end.

Don't give up, you are worth it.

God bless.

innerchild,

I can commiserate.

I have typed and deleted two replies to you already. The other people here are wiser and more encouraging than I can possibly be at the moment.

your user name speaks volumes. We will find ourselves many times in life saying goodbye to people we would rather hold on to. It feels like abandonment, when often it is not. What we must do is to NOT abandon ourselves.

Drinking has not affected my work...I never cound find a bc decent job to begin with. Probably writing about my personal issues here is not the place I am looking for support on my feelings not the alcohol. Sometimes I wonder why I am here I feel alone and no one understands my thinking so I keep it in and then festers. So, people leave but guess what I dont have anyone bc they all ******* leave

Noones leaving here IC :)

I'm sorry for your situation, but I agree with Anna - focus on your recovery for now - I found the more I worked on myself and my recovery the better my life and my decisions got.

I expect you'll find that too :)

D

Hello Innerchild! Thank you for reaching out, that is very brave of you to put yourself out there when you are feeling so vulnerable. I hope you are okay, we are always here for you. Relationships can be so difficult sometimes!!! Self-care is really important and i hope you can find ways to take care of yourself that do not involve drinking. It is important to remember that there is little we can control in this life, especially what others do. We can control how we choose to cope with situations, maybe if you find yourself in unstable relationships with unreliable people, it is time to examine the patterns in your life. Are your expectations of yourself and others realistic? Are you taking the time to take care of yourself emotionally? It can be hard to work in a job you are totally overqualified for. What are you doing to make you feel good about your life? You deserve to feel good about yourself, to enjoy your life. Please take good care of yourself!!! xo

Are you attending AA meetings, Innerchild?

Wishing you the best.
Bob

I agree with 2GD. Try to go to meetings. They are always there. And in a good meeting the group is very consistent. You will find that comforting.

That said, I'm very sorry for what you are going through. But you will be okay. You know you will.

(((IC))) - I am a codependent, though I never realized that until I had delved into addiction and had enough. I drank/used to deal with the dysfunctional relationships I'd had. I have 3 XABF's (ex-addict/alcoholic bf's) and I always thought it was something I did wrong..why did they leave me?

It took me hitting bottom with both my addiction (crack) and my relationship (another crack addict) to say "I can't do this any more".

I don't know WHY I have this fear of abandonment, but I do..or did...okay, sometimes I still do. I have family and friends who love me, but there are times I still wonder if I'm "good enough".

Luckily, I've been here long enough, worked recovery on both the addiction AND the codependency, that it's not nearly as bad as it was. I'm coming up on 5 years in recovery, and have just opened my heart to someone else.

Scared? Sort of. Hopeful? Yes. Afraid that the "other shoe" is going to drop and I'll be abandoned again? Yes and no...more "no".

I can't control what anyone else does. I know that, but there are still times I try to control what can't be controlled.

SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery, of finding out my quirks and other stuff. Some people need meetings or other f2f support.

My codependency and addiction are so intertwined, it's almost impossible to distinguish one from another. However, I've made some pretty good progress in both. I will admit...the codie recovery has been far harder than the addiction. I'm truly convinced I was born a codie (neither parent had those traits when I was growing up).

I recently had a codie meltdown, wanted to be numb. I reached out here, pulled out all the recovery tools I had and got a ton of support. In the old days? I'd have given in.

We care about you. Sometimes we ask the hard questions that sting a lot, other times, you hear what you need to. As long as you keep YOUR well-being as the most important thing, you'll be okay.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy